105 A Phallic Prime Subscription

"Blimey, you're a bloody devil with horns and all!" said an elf I saw while walking towards the garden.

"And you're an elf, what's so strange about me being a devil?" I said as I looked at the elf with questioning eyes. Has this idiot never seen a devil before?

"That's right! In my world, we don't have devils. At least not the living and breathing type. I have never seen a live one before," the elf said as he eyed me like I was some kind of prime specimen.

"That's unfortunate, there are plenty of your kind in the Abyss I'm from," I said.

"I don't doubt it at all. We elves are a proud race, known for spanning many worlds in the Myriad Realms," said the elf.

"Yeah, one of my best followers is a dark elf. He loves to cultivate great felweed," I said.

"Dark elf? Those fallen brethren are hardly worth calling elves. What kind of self-respecting elf would cultivate a weed? You devils sure have some strange stuff in the Abyss," said the elf.

"I'm Soulless by the way, I'm guessing you are another trial taker?" I said as I ignored his condescending remarks about Kyle. It was well-known elves and dark elves didn't get along.

"They call me Ryo Syltoris. Right you are, I was just minding my own business you see and then I got sucked into a hole. And wouldn't you know it there was a trial, strangest thing ever? Now I'm here finishing up the last part," said the elf.

"Well Ryo, I'm guessing you aren't the only other trial taker residing in the castle?" I said.

"Nah, there's plenty of um. The Labyrinth spans the Myriad Realms, truly a mystical relic site. This is only the trial to be allowed access to The Labyrinth and most don't make it this far," said Ryo.

"The majority of trial takers won't stop for idle conversation, they want to avoid becoming that Satyr's next platter. He's a real monster, going around showing off the meats of failed trial takers."

"I just got here, and I don't want to end up a snack either. I'm heading to the garden to find some herbs to assist me with alchemy," I said.

"You should use the quartermaster rather than the garden for herbs. The quartermaster supplies us with anything we would need for trials. They will deliver it straight to your door. With the trial, there's limited time, so you can't be running around doing everything yourself," said Ryo as he pulled out a phallic symbol.

'What was this? Why would this guy be carrying a phallic symbol around? Is he some kinda pervert?' I thought. The phallic symbol looked like some kinda sex toy for women. It was large and veiny, definitely related to the Satyrs.

"You should have one of these in your quarters. When you use it you will connect with the quartermaster office, and can order things of use to you. Everything requires phallic points," said Ryo as he waved around the phallic symbol.

"Aphalla."

"Order me two Tier-2 metals to be delivered to my quarters."

"Based on your order history I've found two matching items. Archrelite \u0026 Coruet. Your total comes to 50 phallic points. Should I order it?" said a female voice from the phallic symbol as the tip shined blue.

"Yes," said Ryo.

"Ok, an order has been placed. They will be delivered to your quarters within two hours. Thanks for using Phallic Prime," said Aphalla as the tip shined blue.

"See, pretty neat right? Aphalla is a lifesaver. It has many features besides just ordering stuff," said Ryo as he waved around his phallic symbol with pride.

"Aphalla, add Soulless to my contacts."

"One trial taker found that matches the name 'Soulless' found in trial grounds. Would you like to add 'Soulless, the devil' to your contacts?" said Aphalla as the tip shined blue yet again.

"Yes," said Ryo.

"Soulless added to contacts," said Aphalla.

"You should always have Aphalla with you at all times, she's your lifeline in these trial grounds," said Ryo.

"Thank you, I had no idea there was even a quartermaster in the castle. The Satyr didn't mention it to me," I said.

"You'll learn many things during your time here. The Satyr's too busy throwing his phallus around to give us a good introduction. Though there is a welcome package in your quarters that should have told you this much. New people usually skip over the welcome package," said Ryo as he shook his head.

"You talk about the Satyr like he's not the most powerful thing here, aren't you scared he will kill you?" I said with a warning tone.

"The Satyr doesn't even view us as people. Would you care what an ant said about you? He likes it when we talk about his phallus. It's his pride and joy that we have to experience it and tell each other about it. Satyrs are one of the strangest races I've ever met."

"Yes, I love it when you speak about it. Spread the fame of my magnificent phallus far and wide," said Zat's voice as the tip of Aphalla shined red.

"See, a real monster. Just focus on your trial so you don't end up on a platter," said Ryo as he put his Aphalla away and headed off.

Interesting elf, so there are other trial takers here. I must check out this Aphalla to get some supplies. I changed direction, heading back to my quarters. When I reached them I noticed the welcome package sitting off in a box in a corner.

I opened up the box and found my personal Aphalla with instructions by the side. If Ryo didn't tell me about its usage, I would have just thrown this thing to the side thinking it was some kinda sex toy. I held the phallic symbol in my hands for the first time.

As my essence flowed through the phallic symbol, the tip lit up blue.

"Welcome to Aphalla, Soulless, would you like to subscribe to Phallic Prime?" said a female voice.

"What is Phallic Prime?" I said.

"Phallic Prime ensures all deliveries will be sent to you within two hours. Without Phallic Prime orders take 2-5 days. A Phallic Prime subscription costs 20 phallic points a month."

"How many phallic points do I have?" I said.

"You have 1000 phallic points. Since your trial is to learn alchemy, you can gain phallic points by submitting completed alchemy products to the quartermaster."

I thought it over for a second and immediately subscribed to this Phallic Prime. Saving time was central to this trial. The cost for the Phallic Prime subscription would take up all my free phallic points over the course of 5 years, but it would be well worth it.

Even though I would need to work to earn more phallic points during my trial, there was no way waiting for 2-5 days for everything I needed would be feasible. Time was my most precious resource here.

"Aphalla, please send me a collection of Tier-1 herbs," I said.

"Matching item 'Basic Tier-1 herbs for learning Alchemy' found for 500 phallic points. Would you like to add this to your shopping cart?" said Aphalla.

"What is included in the basic Tier-1 herbs?" I said.

" 'Basic Tier-1 herbs for learning Alchemy' includes portions of Dozove, Uccu Spore, Eramom, Poqeafras, Thorn Ivy, Pida Root, Mellow Petal, Emerald Sorrel, and Azives," said Aphalla.

"Yes, please order the herbs for me," I said.

"Ok, an order has been placed. They will be delivered to your quarters within two hours. Thanks for using Phallic Prime," said Aphalla.

I had read about these herbs in 'Alchemy of The Lost Ones'; they were some of the best herbs for beginning alchemists to work with. Aphalla had a great curated list. Using this Aphalla service would save me a lot of time and effort.

After ordering my herbs from Aphalla, I sat in my bed and took a breather. It was really comfortable. Too comfortable, I hadn't had a bed in years. All the stress from the trial grounds had gotten to me. The willpower trial especially, I was always clawing for the next objective.

This mentality wasn't good for practicing devilry. I needed time to reboot; I was no longer fighting for my life in an endless hallway. I relaxed my mind and fell asleep soon.

I was awakened from my midday nap by a knock at my door.

"PPS (AN: pronounced Pee Pees), Phallic Postal Service here with your package," said a voice at the door.

"One moment," I said as I got up to greet my visitor.

I walked out and saw a Satyr at the door. It was a different Satyr than Zat, though just like Zat his phallus was flailing in the wind.

"Just sign here," said the Satyr as he handed me a pad.

I looked over the pad before signing it. A devil never signs anything without reading it. The pad said 'did I acknowledge I had received the package'. I signed it and took the box into my quarters.

After opening the box, all the herbs I needed to become an Orchid Alchemist were before me. They were in pristine condition, ready for my alchemy experiments. I put them into my storage bag and then hopped back into my bed. Tonight, I'll go back to the alchemy lab and start practicing alchemy. Today, let's just get a good rest so my mind is fresh.