Chapter 63 - 63: A Barbeque of Secrets and Feelings

In Suotuo City, the sky is dark and filled with flickering lights of the stars.

At this moment, a certain pair of youths walked towards a barbeque stand. The smell of grease, smoke and sauce lingered upon the spot causing Xiao Yan to take a few sniffs.

Raising a hand, Xiao Yan asked the cook.

"Boss, can I get one stick of pork barbeque?"

The cook, a middle aged hairy fat man that you'd find in a certain genre of culture, but he had an aura of honesty and kindness shown as he smiled towards Xiao Yan.

"Sure thing kiddo! Will your girlfriend want one as well?"

Zhu Zhuqing blushed and looked away, but not before sending a small glare at the cook, while Xiao Yan chuckled wryly and shook his head.

"She's not my girlfriend boss..."

The man rolled his eyes, putting Xiao Yan's order of skewered raw pork on the grill, cooking it, and said.

"Bah, you youngsters being all shy and shit. When I was your age, I had already met my wife and asked her to be my girlfriend at the time. Though she had refused for the first several times, until I had finally won her over with my manly charms!"

The man further told of the stories of him and his wife while Xiao Yan and Zhu Zhuqing listened quietly.

Normal people would normally not noticed it, but as spirit masters, Xiao Yan and Zhu Zhuqing could noticed a slight wetness on the man's eyes and some stiffness of his body as he spoke about his wife.

Although it was far too quick to assumed, but...

Taking a step forward, Zhu Zhuqing said with a small voice that was devoid of her usual coldness.

"One fish barbeque as well boss..."

"Okay little lady! One fish barbeque for the girlfriend!"

"I said, she isn't–"Xiao Yan complained with a small blush on his face before getting interrupted by Zhu Zhuqing, who held his hand tightly.

Xiao Yan, surprised, turned to look towards her to find sadness and patience within her eyes. Telling him,

'It's alright.'

At first he was confused but then looking back at the man, Xiao Yan's face softened and understood.

The man had a bright and joyous smile on his face as he tended to theirs and others barbeques.

He looked down at their orders, his eyes reminiscing about something.

"It's just like what we ordered on our first date..."

The man muttered as quietly as a mosquito but Xiao Yan and Zhu Zhuqing heard it loud and clear with their superhuman senses.

"Hey boss. Can you tell us more about you and your wife?" Xiao Yan asked with a smile along with Zhu Zhuqing, albeit hers was a small one.

The man was taken back for a moment, a swirl of various emotions flashing in his eyes, before a gentle smile appeared on his face.

"Sure! Do you know..."

...

Xiao Yan and Zhu Zhuqing sat upon a wooden bench. Their selective barbeque sticks on hand as they ate in silence.

The story of that man and his possible deceased wife kept ringing in Xiao Yan's head. Memories that were both familiar and unfamiliar surfaced in his mind.

About a time long ago, standing tall with a broad and happy smile. He had finally reached the peak of power in not only in his home world, but as well as in another.

His smile then turned gentle as he looked back behind him and saw the figure of a m.a.t.u.r.e Xun Er and–

His heart stopped.

Xiao Yan's eyes widened.

'Who?'

Then beat, then another. Until it started going erratic.

A figure of woman next to Xun Er was completely blurred, but a smile of care and pride could be clearly seen on her face.

'Who are you?'

Xiao Yan's could feel his heart ache and his soul threatening to break out of his mortal body every time he looked at the blurred figure.

'WHO ARE YOU?!'

The figure's head tilted into a playful manner, her mouth still ever curved into that always prideful one of hers.

She opened her mouth and said.

"Ya̶̶̷̴̶̸̵̢͢ǹ..."

"–Yan... Xiao Yan!"

Xiao Yan gasped as he heard someone's voice calling out to him.

Raising his head, he stared to see the concerned look of Zhu Zhuqing.

He also felt a hand on his shoulder, and guessed that it was Zhu Zhuqing and she had probably been calling out to him for a while. Since calling out to him wasn't working, she might have shook him to get his attention.

Xiao Yan took deep breaths and slowly relaxed his mind and emotions. He tried to soften his facial expression but his smile towards her was forced.

"What's up Zhu Zhuqing? Is something wrong?" He said with a clearly forced smile.

Zhu Zhuqing bit down on her lower lip and said.

"I should be the one to say that."

Xiao Yan raised an eyebrow, playing dumb, and asked.

"Oh, and why?"

"Because you have this haunted look in your face."

Zhu Zhuqing said with a serious and concerned face.

Xiao Yan smiled a wry smile. Eating the last pork on his barbeque stick, he burned the stick into cinders, closed his eyes and nonchalantly replied.

"Oh it's nothing. It was something from the past."

Zhu Zhuqing frowned, and looked like she didn't believe what he said, and asked.

"If I may ask, was it unpleasant?"

Xiao Yan was silent for a few moments before opening his eyes and said with an uncertain voice, that Zhu Zhuqing for once hadn't heard from the normally confident and carefree Xiao Yan.

"I don't know... It was a past that I had long forgotten but it was certainly a precious memory."

Xiao Yan didn't noticed, but his voice cracked at the end.

Then he turned silent and just sat on the bench with a lost look on his face.

After all, looking at Xiao Yan, Zhu Zhuqing knew he had a lot of secrets that not even his sworn siblings knows. And this moment is one of them.

She doesn't want to push him. Everyone have their secrets, she as well, and most of the time they don't want to share it with anyone else until they are either ready or dead to tell it.

Turning towards the sky, Zhu Zhuqing tossed her now empty barbeque stick towards the sky, her nails elongated into claws, and she shred the wooden stick into splinters.

Xiao Yan brushed off some splinters on his nose, snorted, and said, "Show off." Zhu Zhuqing rolled her eyes and retorted, "Oh like burning that stick to cinders isn't?"

"Touché."

Zhu Zhuqing let out a small giggle and continued looking up the night sky.

The atmosphere between the two turned silent. But instead of an awkward silence, it was comfortable as it was what the two wanted. A certain quietness that the two connected with each other.

Suddenly, Zhu Zhuqing opened her mouth and said something that made Xiao Yan's eyes widened.

"Hey Xiao Yan, have you ever fallen in love?"

Xiao Yan turned to looked at Zhu Zhuqing, and found out her eyes was covered by her hair bangs so he wasn't able to be clear on her current emotions.

But she had a certain melancholic aura surrounding her.

Xiao Yan let out a sigh. Turning towards the sky, he replied.

"Yes." His voice was certain and no fluctuations could be detected that it surprised Zhu Zhuqing at the sincerity in his voice.

"I see..." Somehow, a feeling of both hope and fear swelled up within her heart before shaking her head to get rid of such thoughts.

Zhu Zhuqing took a deep breath and said.

"W-What would you do if that said loved one went far away? And the only way to go after them would be by becoming stronger. So strong that not only would you forced them to stay with you, but to also protect them." A certain realization flashed in Xiao Yan's eyes as he listened in further. "In doing so, would have you work very, very hard till your bones break, your body bleeding, and everything further that you know would only be pain."

A certain memory flashed through Xiao Yan's mind.

'...I promise you Xun Er, I will find you! I will grow strong, so strong, that you would never leave my side!'

(A/N: The memory when Xun Er was forced to return back to her clan.)

"... Yeah, I know that feeling very well Zhu Zhuqing." Xiao Yan said with a low voice.

Zhu Zhuqing didn't even turned to him and said.

"Then, have you felt the pain that everything that you've done, all the hard work you've made, was all for nothing?"

"What?" Xiao Yan asked in confusion.

Zhu Zhuqing didn't answer. Her eyes watered as a certain memory of several days ago flashed through her eyes.

....

"I'm sorry!"

Zhu Zhuqing stared with blank confused eyes.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry Zhu Zhuqing!" Dai Mubai, in a kowtowing position, said. His voice filled with guilt. "I know why you're here. But I'm sorry! I'm already in love with someone else. Someone that no matter what you, or any other girls, will do to change my mind and heart for her. She had gotten me through tough times and I just... I'm sorry Zhu Zhuqing."

Zhu Zhuqing's eyes widened, she felt something inside of her shatter into pieces, and her eyes turned watery.

She, she couldn't comprehend of what she was hearing. Various emotions appeared in her mind and heart. Confusion, sadness, anger, pain, betrayal...

Zhu Zhuqing felt like losing consciousness but she managed to stood her ground, but she wasn't feeling well.

So she stood there, rooted to the ground, in a daze.

Dai Mubai didn't speak further but he stood up. He walked forward and passed by Zhu Zhuqing, not before whispering.

"I know I'm asking a lot, but, I hope we can still be friends. Or good acquaintances if we we're to stay at the same academy, goodbye Zhu Zhuqing..." Then he left, not noticing the tears falling down Zhu Zhuqing's face.

....

Xiao Yan and Zhu Zhuqing were silent once more, with the former staring at the latter with a serious expression.

Zhu Zhuqing then unexpectedly smiled, but not one of happiness nor joy, but of self pity.

"Truly, I'm an idiot for continuing to think that he was same person that I fell and loved for. I thought that our feelings were mutual, even if years passed and the problems with our families are still there, but... I thought we could have handled them together but, no. I am such an idiot!" Slowly, tears started to appear from her eyes and fall to her cheeks.

Xiao Yan remained silent. He just continued staring at Zhu Zhuqing with a expressionless face.

A few moments passed, and Zhu Zhuqing opened her mouth to asked with a shaken voice.

"...What should I do Xiao Yan?"

Xiao Yan paused for a moment and let out a long sigh. He wasn't really the person for this. He's still twelve years old for Flame Emperor's sakes! He shouldn't be giving out advices of the matters of the heart, especially since he himself had only fallen in love recently.

'But...' Looking at the teary eyed, uncertain and distressed Zhu Zhuqing, showing a side of weakness that she would typically not let anyone see to him. How could Xiao Yan be an a.s.s and abandon someone like her?

'Sometimes, I really am too soft for my own good.' Being a consultant for a twelve year old in the matters of the heart, now that wasn't on Xiao Yan's mind when he reincarnated into this world, who knew?

Xiao Yan moved closer towards Zhu Zhuqing, his eyes always on her, and said.

"Zhu Zhuqing, look at me."

Zhu Zhuqing flinched but turned her head towards Xiao Yan. Her once cold black pair of eyes had crumbled into a weeping mess. Black and black tinted green eyes met.

A gentle smile appeared on Xiao Yan's face as he slowly raised his hand to c.a.r.e.s.s the side of Zhu Zhuqing's face and wiped away her tears.

Strangely, she didn't back away from his touch nor repulsed at it. Instead, a small bubble of warm feelings crept its way into her heart.

Xiao Yan then said.

"I'm going to be honest with you Zhu Zhuqing. I'm not that too wise nor much experienced in the matters of the heart. What I'm about to say, is going to be an honest and sincere answer for your trouble and question from the bottom of my heart, got it?"

Zhu Zhuqing nodded, leaning further into Xiao Yan's touch.

"Well I'm going to be blunt, Zhu Zhuqing, just move on."

Zhu Zhuqing blinked her eyes, her mouth agape, and the feelings of shock and anger appeared.

"Xiao Yan you ins.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e–ow!" Her shout of anger was interrupted by a flick of a finger, courtesy of Xiao Yan.

"Let me finish will you." Xiao Yan said.

Holding her temple in pain, Zhu Zhuqing pouted and angrily muttered.

"... Fine."

Brushing off his nose, Xiao Yan then continued.

"I know you still felt betrayed and hurt by the person you loved, I get that, and I get that what I said about moving on isn't really a s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e thing to do and easy to follow, as the feelings you held for him still lingers. But what do you want me to say? Fight for his love? Wait for him? He would dump his new love and come back to you? Be a rebound girl for him? You and I both know, that all of what I said are options you will not go through. Zhu Zhuqing, you're a girl with both pride and dignity. Someone who had gone through a lot of things to chased after the man she loves and still remained composed after several days of being rejected. You would rather walked away with your head held high, as you swept your hair towards the face of the man who both rejected and abandoned you than received him with welcome arms when he's missing you." Xiao Yan said with a gentle and firm smile on his face.

Zhu Zhuqing sniffed and leaned her head towards Xiao Yan's c.h.e.s.t, she whispered.

"You really think so? Be the girl you described?"

Xiao Yan nodded and held her carefully while c.a.r.e.s.sing her smooth black hair, for some reason though, he had the sudden thought that there were a pair of cat ears on top of her head and had a sudden urge to pet them.

... Thoughts for later on.

"C-Can I really moved on? These feelings and memories of mine? Will they some day disappear?" Zhu Zhuqing asked, her arms now circled around Xiao Yan's torso hugging him.

Xiao Yan closed his eyes, the memories of Flame Emperor's life transmitting in his head, and nodded.

"I know so. You would one day moved on, find another person to love, and this time, hopefully stay with that person until the day you both die."

Zhu Zhuqing's eyes opened, a glint appeared in her eyes as she held on Xiao Yan tighter, and nodded.

'...Until these feelings of mine die down, I won't love another. But, it can't help to fall right?' She inwardly thought with a smile.

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Omake 3: Why are all handsome guys–?!

"I'm sorry!"

Zhu Zhuqing stared with blank confused eyes.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry Zhu Zhuqing!" Dai Mubai, in a kowtowing position, said. His voice filled with guilt. "I know why you're here. But I'm sorry! I'm already in love with someone else... but more than that, I'm gay!"

Zhu Zhuqing's eyes widened, she felt something inside of her shatter into pieces, and her eyes turned watery.

She, she couldn't comprehend of what she was hearing. Various emotions appeared in her mind and heart. Confusion, sadness, anger, pain, betrayal...

Zhu Zhuqing felt like losing consciousness but she managed to stood her ground, but she wasn't feeling well.

So she stood there, rooted to the ground, in a daze.

"Y-You're gay?!"

Dai Mubai didn't speak but he stood up. He walked forward and passed by Zhu Zhuqing, not before whispering.

"I know I'm asking a lot, but, I hope we can still be friends. Or better yet, be girlfriends. I hope to see you soon..." Then he walked away with swagger.

Zhu Zhuqing stared with disbelieving eyes at Dai Mubai's back.

"... Why are all the handsome guys gays?"