Chapter 186 - Loving Means Letting Go

Taken aback by what Cassidy just said, Adrian looked down at her again. 

She was not budging in his embrace, and she even appeared comfortable in his arms. He can tell she is pleased with the warmth he is sharing with her. Then again, she will have to do with anything in that state.

"You're so honest with your feelings, but at the same time, you're so reserved with them. Like in the past, there was something that made you burst out everything you kept holding back..." Cassidy mused out loud while looking back up to her husband, seemingly in a daze. 

"You must've been in a lot of pain, Adrian."

"As long you're not the one who's hurt, I'll be fine with it..." Adrian managed to say despite how much he wanted to hide away at that moment. 

"It hadn't changed at all - when I told you back then that I'd do anything you want, that is. I couldn't bear your absence at first, and I barely got through each day. But I forced myself to get used to it. So, if you tell me to go away again, I will leave at once."

"You'll force yourself again?"

"It can't be helped."

She can tell that he's trying to school his features - time and again. He keeps his expression composed and his tone steady, but she can see the sadness and aches in his downcast gaze. 

It's this boyish side of him - trying to act cool in front of a girl and all. He always thinks that he can manage on his own since way back before, but in reality, he is already hurting a lot. Then, at the time when he finally let out all of his emotions, she had pushed him away and shut him down completely. 

Because their wounds were still fresh, all she thought about was herself. She did not do it for revenge, but she did it because it had long been overdue. It's what she felt she needed to do. Her only regret was that she should've acted like that when he still couldn't care less about her. 

That way, the pain will be lesser for both of them. 

"Adrian, can I ask you a question...?" Cassidy chimed in once more after a moment of silence, studying his expression all the while.

"What if I want a divorce? Will you finally agree?"

Adrian didn't respond. 

He does seem to be thrown off guard, but unlike back then, he has not turned down the idea in an instant. With that, he is back to staying quiet and still. Even then, she can see how hard he's keeping it all in. His head stoops low, and his clouded expression darkens. That's enough to tell her what he's really feeling. 

And when his answer finally came, she realized that she thought right. 

"If it's what you d.e.s.i.r.e, I'll do a divorce."

Though Cassidy already saw that coming, she could not help but feel hurt at how Adrian looked all of the sudden.

He was smiling at her.

And it was the saddest, most painful smile she had ever seen on someone. From that alone, she knew how much she meant to him. It's like he broke into these tiny little pieces - though he's already in fragments, he's been crushed over and over again until he turned into smithereens. At this rate, he's going to be beyond repair. 

"Just tell me when you want to sign the papers. I'll take note on the date."

Even his voice is starting to get extremely weak. 

He's forcing out his words, and he's struggling to keep himself from taking them back. Then, in each passing second, he's looking more and more drained. She worries that he'll faint at any given moment. 

"Your words come out so easily, Adrian..." Cassidy breathed out a little shakily, trying to test the waters for a bit longer. 

"Will moving on be as easy as that too-"

"Weren't you listening to me...?" Adrian almost snorted, not at all pleased by how she came up with that impression. 

"I couldn't possibly move on from you. I tried. I did try. But in the end, I realized I could never do it. I'm meant to carry these guilt and regret for the rest of my life."

"Then, that won't do. If I would be happy, I wanted you to be happy too. You also deserve it, Adrian. We all do."

"I'm sorry. One of us is bound to suffer with this decision."

"You're really willing to sacrifice your happiness for it?"

"My happiness can only be you, Cassidy."

Her eyes widen at that. 

She had no idea how far he had gotten - he was really no longer that guy who was all over the place. He is in control of himself this time around, and though it hurts, he chooses to be alright with everything. It's a whole new side of him that she's only seeing now. 

And it saddens her more than she wants to let it to. 

"I'll let you divorce me, Cassidy..." Adrian added all of the sudden before steeling his gaze on Cassidy and proceeding to plead with his whole heart. 

"But please, at least tonight, let me have you all to myself for the last time."

Right then, he dives down and captures her lips in a desperate attempt to make that moment last longer. 

Surprised by the gesture, she feels herself stiffen for a second before going loose and melting in a puddle of goo. His hot, wet lips are just so warm against her cold, dry ones. While the contact made her go still, the movement stole her breath away. He's really an amazing kisser - much like how she remembered he was. 

This time, however, his helplessness is out in the open. With only one touch, he's already blown away. It shows with how he tightens his hold around her and pulls her closer than ever. He's so desperate to feel everything he can feel at their last remaining minutes. 

"Just this last one. Let me have one final memory. And I promise I'll let you be for good."