127 Volume 5: Soul-Split Madness

Editors: dazzling_radiance

The sun set deep into the horizon.

Jin realized at some point his son was purposefully distracting him to keep him from leaving. This kind of behavior obviously had a purpose and Jin was curious to find out what that purpose might be. He had long since figured out that, when possible, it was good to turn a blind eye to such behavior.

The reason for this was simple: if he didn't turn a blind eye to suspicious behavior, no one could surprise him. Mei Hua had already had several fun surprises ruined because he immediately investigated odd behavior coming from her or his sons or even servants. After he ruined a surprise for the fifth time, Mei Hua sulkily declared she'd given up and he could just live a dull life of predictability until he disintegrated into a pile of ash.

He liked the "surprises" so he contritely promised not to be suspicious of people who were acting a little oddly but obviously not with malicious intentions. Even if they were lying, he wouldn't probe. This wasn't a perfect solution, since it was clear he still knew "something" was being planned, but it was better than nothing.

Of course, he couldn't do anything about it when his sons were young and had zero ability to properly hide their intentions. Like earlier in the day, it's not that he was purposefully spying on his youngest sons, but they were loud enough he couldn't help overhearing them. To compensate, he'd simply pretended he didn't know anything and let them have fun.

That was why, even though he knew his son was stalling him, and his son knew that he knew, he called for some tea and snacks and acted like nothing unusual was happening.

"--and then you'd look down and see the city. It would look like the stars had fallen on the ground, very scenic. Mother would love it." Eighth Prince De Tongran finished excitedly, pointing at the three large pieces of paper in front of him. He had dragged several small tea tables together and spread the papers across them. One was a map of the northern mountain chain and the other two were designs of a city and a building.

Jin's brows furrowed, "And you're sure people will want to come to this city for the hot springs?"

"Hn. While the family resort is located on the best hot springs, this city will be built around the second best hot springs' spot." He tapped the map confidently. "Not only will people come, they'll specifically come during the winter."

"Why the winter?"

"Soaking in hot springs during the winter is popular. Even monkeys like it, ah! It snows all the time there anyway, might as well take advantage of it."

Jin took a sip of his tea and nodded thoughtfully. Mei Hua liked it too, and didn't she call herself a Mountain Monkey?

"But visiting a hot springs and living there… for a city to be built and tourists to come, we'd need a stable workforce. Who would want to live in that ice hellhole?"

Some of the best hot springs were located to the far north. Inversely, the winter weather there was also the worst. For more than half of the year, the mountains were covered in deep snow. Even when there wasn't snow, the weather was extremely cold. There were only two months out of the year where the place was tolerable and could even be counted as enjoyable.

His ability to alter weather on the mountains wasn't infinite. There was a give and take. Particularly in the north, where the surroundings were essentially tundra, he could only change the temperature by a few degrees warmer during the dead of winter. He could also somewhat prevent blizzards if they weren't too fierce, but there would still be snow. Basically, it would just be unpleasant no matter what he did, and that's why no one wanted to live there.

"Not to worry, not to worry. I've already investigated! There's actually several nomadic tribes living that far north called the Great Northern Tribes, we can bring in. They can live there during the worst of the winter and leave during the spring. It will be beneficial for them and us. We can use temporary workers for the spring and summer when the weather isn't as bad. But I think if we design the city right, the tribes won't want to leave, that way we won't need temporary workers."

"Great Northern Tribes…" Jin tilted his head, brows furrowed. "You aren't, by any chance, talking about the people who keep raiding Mountain Shadow Countries' northern cities, are you..?"

"Hn, I see you've already heard of them."

"Hah, how could I not?" Jin looked annoyed. "Every time they raid, Mountain Shadow Country comes crying to me about it, hoping I'll send some troops to get rid of them." His lips curled up nastily. "Naturally I don't send troops. They're definitely the type to use an inch to take a mile, so I won't give them even an inch."

"Sensible of you." De Tongran chuckled. "Mountain Shadow Country acts innocent but they're part of the problem too. Where they built their cities and towns are in the areas that the Great Northern Tribes would travel to during the deep winter to survive. Even though there's still plenty of land and it could easily be shared, Mountain Shadow forbid the Northern Tribes from using it unless they swear loyalty to Mountain Shadow's King. The Great Northern Tribes don't have much, but they do have a lot of pride and won't bow to the King. They've been in a stalemate for generations over it." He shook his head and sighed.

"If it's that way, how do you plan to bring them into Lanhua? You can't think I'll let them in without giving me any face--"

"Old Man, you can't think they'll treat you the same way they treat the Mountain Shadow's King?"

"Well, if they're smart they won't…"

From behind Jin a voice spoke, "They're smart. Great Northern Tribes respect strength and you're strong if nothing else. Certainly better than the wimpy kings of Shadow Mountain Country."

"GAH!"

"Oh, hello Auntie Shuya."

"...damn tree, can't even give a person warning…"

"Hello Eighth Nephew. Brother-in-law." Shuya grinned impishly at Jin, who'd jumped out of his seat in surprise at her sudden appearance from behind and was now scowling at her. She continued the conversation without any remorse for her behavior, "I recommend sending Yan Li. He's a highly respected warrior in Shadow Mountain Country. Even the tribes know about him. They'll hear him out."

De Tongran looked excited. "I was thinking we should send out Second Brother as well!"

"Yan Li lacks somewhat in the diplomacy department though. He definitely won't be able to sell the advantages of living in Lanhua, even though there are so many. You should go as well though, Lil' Eighth, you can balance him out. What do you think?"

"That's fine by me. I'd like to see how their villages are set up anyway. I can incorporate their designs into the city." His eyes started to sparkle. "It'll be totally unique, nothing like it in the whole world. How exciting, ah!"

Shuya laughed. "While I admire your enthusiasm, you do realize we've been ready for quite some time now, right?"

"Ah?!" He stared blankly at Shuya for a moment and then looked sheepish. "I lost track of time completely…"

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"Naturally you did. That's why Little Sister sent me."

"Oh?" Jin raised his eyebrows at his son and acted as though he was put out. "So you only talked to me because Mei told you to?"

"Of course not, I also just wanted to talk to you. This just… just coincided with my intentions is all."

"And what's "this" exactly?"

"That.. ah… that…."

De Tongran suddenly looked troubled, causing Jin to frown slightly. He'd only asked with the intention to tease. He hadn't expected an actual answer, but this response wasn't right either. Surprises were usually a good thing, so why was his son acting this way?

The young man quickly began grabbing his various papers into a sloppy pile and took a step, as if to leave in a hurry rather than trying to answer his Old Man's question properly. But midstep, he paused and then turned to stare at his Old Man, brows furrowing anxiously.

"You know, Old Man…" He hesitated for a moment. "You know you're not alone, right?"

"What?"

De Tongran pressed his lips together, unable to look his Old Man in the face as he spoke. "I'm just saying, I sometimes think you forget in relation to… well… I somewhat understand but… it would be nice if we counted as something too..."

"What are you even talking about?"

The younger man suddenly got quiet, his hands filled with his papers, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"If you… if you feel… like you lost something big…" De Tongran shuffled his feet in self-consciously and then blurted out, "...you should remember your sons do lo- lo- lo- ugh!-- care, er, somewhat, about you, too! So, you know, you are not, erm, alone! Is what I'm trying to say!"

Then, as if he'd just confessed a big embarrassing secret, he turned on his heel and ran out of the Hall.

Jin simply sat there with a shocked look on his face, mouth slightly agape.

He'd always been awkward in loving his sons. For some reason he could not say he loved them outloud. It wasn't that he didn't love them, but something about saying those words to his sons sent shivers down his back. It gave him an intense sense of discomfort and embarrassment he could not explain and so he just didn't do it. Not even his wife complaining would get him to do it.

His sons, in turn, didn't say it either. And it wasn't as though Mei Hua hadn't tried to get them to say it. De Tongran was the most affectionate and she still wasn't able to get him to admit to it. They seemed to find the idea just as uncomfortable and refused to do it no matter how much nagging they were subjected to. This was likely a case of "the apple not falling far from the tree".

It was good that Mei Hua was openly affectionate. Without her example, the chances of his sons turning out somewhat normal in the human sense of the word would be highly unlikely. Not that he minded if his sons were odd. His third son, Shi Ji, was practically a hermit, even by Jin's standards, and he never counted that against him.

De Tongran had given him a surprise attack. His statement was so sweet and adorably flustered, it was as though someone had unexpectedly lobbed a large gooey glob of honey and tree syrup at Jin's face.

Stupefied, he asked dumbly to no one in particular, "Is it… is it my birthday?"

Shuya rolled her eyes, "Did you break your head? Who cares about that anyway?"

"...Mei cares…" He mumbled, holding his forehead and wondering if he had broken his head.

"Oh yes, speaking of Little Sister." Shuya pursed her lips and glanced at him, a conflicted expression on her face. "You should go see her now."

"R..right… Mei... " He blinked, his mind refocusing. Casting Shuya an annoyed look, he asked, "Did you enjoy hiding her away from me?"

Shuya's lips curled up slightly. "If you weren't so overbearing, would I be reduced to such measures?"

Jin stood up from his seat and started walking towards the exit of the Hall, unwilling to be baited into arguing. They could never agree on what constituted "overbearing" and had long since come to a stalemate.

Once he was outside, the cold winter air hit him and his breath came out in cloudy puffs. The sky was clear, with the stars twinkling brightly far above him. It had snowed at some point while he was inside, giving the Palace a muffled, quiet feeling.

He frowned.

It wasn't the snow. The Palace felt… empty.

A sense of alarm filled him at the silence. He tapped a foot and flew into the air with a single spring. He hovered over his palace for a moment, sensing that many people who would usually be in their homes by now were gone, and then headed towards his wife.

Mei Hua was sitting in the room where they usually held family dinners. The table was large and there were many chairs surrounding it. She had a cup of tea in her hands but wasn't drinking it. Instead, her fingers were tracing the rim of the cup thoughtfully.

When Jin entered, he saw her sitting alone in this large room with only a few candles lit. Her spirit seemed anxious, restless, its colors muted and jittery. Between the room and her spirit, he was struck with the impression of desolation and loneliness.

"Mei, what's wrong?" He asked as he took large steps to get to her. "Why are you sitting here by yourself and practically in the dark?"

"Oh?" She looked around as if surprised and gave a small laugh. "I didn't notice the candles had gone out."

He waved his hand and, at once, the dead candles relit. The once dark and gloomy room immediately cheered up at the added light.

Sitting down next to her, he grabbed her hand and asked again, "What happened? What has upset you?"

Mei Hua slightly bit her lower lip and explained honestly, "Jin, we've gotten news of your sister."

His whole body stiffened.

"It's… it's good and bad news."

"Bad… bad news? What do you mean bad news?"

The ground beneath the palace swayed, as if the mountain was cold and shivering. The lights flickered at the sudden movement and the wood joints creaked in complaint.

"Jin, it hurts."

Ignoring the small earthquake, Mei Hua looked down at the hand that he was holding. Or perhaps more accurately, in the process of crushing.

"Ah." He let go when he realized what he'd done and the earth stopped its movement.

Ashamed at his loss of control, he immediately apologized, "I'm sorry."

Her hand free, she rubbed it, flexing her fingers, and nodded in acknowledgement of his apology.

"No damage done, so not to worry." She glanced at her husband and gently asked, "Are you sure you don't want the good news first?"

He went silent for a moment, breathing deeply to control himself, "The bad news first… it can not be any worse than what I have already imagined in my ignorance."

Mei Hua pressed her lips together slightly and nodded. She wished the news was all good, that she could laugh and tell him something wonderful. Her heart hurt thinking how her husband would react after everything was said and done.

"Apparently your sister met someone who could see her, not just her fairies. They became friends. This friend could find her with astonishing accuracy. But… but some circumstances happened and... the friend lost track of her. Despite knowing her last location and searching for years, this friend still can't find her. In fact… he thought coming here would help him somehow…" She grimaced, knowing that Jin wouldn't be able to help. If he could find his sister, wouldn't he have done so already? "...the bad news is that even though we know what happened and how it happened, she is even harder to locate now than before. We won't even be able to use her fairies to find her because of how things turned out."

Jin's jaw and hands clenched. With difficulty, he managed to ask in a calm voice, "What happened? How did she become even harder to find?"

Mei Hua reached out and took hold of one of his fisted hands. She really didn't want to say these next words.

"Jin, she did something similar to you and found a human body to dwell in. From what I'm told, that took a lot out of her and made her weak." She could feel Jin start to shake under her hand. "She lived happily for a while but the body… the body got sick... it died, Jin. But she--"

"No!" Jin cried out in denial, standing up suddenly he caused the chair to fall over with a clatter. The candlelight jittered heavily as the palace swayed heavily under their feet. "No, no, no, no--"

His face had turned a sickly pale color, his posture was like he was in pain, and his blue-gold eyes flashed brightly at random intervals, casting eerie shadows on everything around him.

"Jin, Jin, let me finish--" Mei Hua frantically spoke, trying to break through his mental distress.

But he couldn't hear her. Fire rose up from the depths and reached out as if to consume him.

His sister dying was his deepest fear. Just thinking about it in passing was enough to fill him with intense anxiety. Hearing she died, hearing it said out loud, immediately threw his entire being into a state of chaos.

He didn't know how to explain the importance of his sister's existence. Humans and animals didn't have a parallel, so even if he spoke of it, they couldn't truly understand. The mountain was his body, the spirit of the mountain was him and his sister. They were individuals, but they were also the same person. She was him and he was her. They were different but the same. The differences were something to rejoice in and to laugh over, it made life interesting. The sameness gave them unity and harmony, giving life a sense of security. Together they were a whole healthy person.

But the harmony was fragile. When faced with outside influence, it almost immediately broke and fractured. In the fracturing, a sick madness had developed, further pulling them apart until they became like strangers to each other. The madness showed more easily in Jin than his sister, yet had his sister really been unaffected by it too? Was it possible for only half the soul to become sick and the other half not feel anything?

He didn't know, but he wanted to ask. He'd thought about what had happened for many years. There were so many points he wanted to discuss with her. If he could just see her again, talk to her again, then he was sure all these problems could be resolved. They could be whole again.

This was the blessing being human had given him.

Previously, he had not been aware he'd been in the wrong. He didn't think in those terms. Morality was a matter of instinct and evil repulsed him. How could he then do an evil thing? This contradiction shouldn't have existed, but it did. There was no internal mechanism within him to deal with the contradiction. He could not repent over something he could not see. Even after fighting with his sister and violently throwing her out, he still could not see his fault.

As a human, he saw the flaw in himself. He saw what he did wrong and could repent. And in the repenting, there was hope for reconciliation. They could be at peace and happy again. The madness could be cured.

But she had to be alive for that to happen.

If she was not alive, what was the point of anything he'd been doing? The mountains weren't able to function with half a soul forever. Sooner rather than later, the madness he'd been suppressing all these years would overtake him. And when it did, everything he'd nurtured so carefully would fall into ruin.

If everything was doomed to destruction no matter what he did, then why should he strive so hard? Why should he struggle so against his own fire? Why should he live constantly exhausted and unable to truly rest?

It would be better for everything to end now--

In the middle of this thought, he felt a stinging sensation. It was just strong enough that it jolted him out of the downward mental spiral he was falling into.

"--listen to me!"

He blinked several times and finally saw Mei Hua standing in front of him. She was holding her right hand, hissing in pain, and he realized she'd hit him. It had been a physical and spiritual hit, and based on the throbbing he was feeling, it was likely she aimed for his face.

This hurt her more than it hurt him. Even with all her progress in cultivation, he was still leaps and bounds ahead of her. Just by hitting him hard enough he could feel it was a remarkable feat.

Eyes watering from the pain, body covered in dust and debris as the palace continued to shake from the earthquakes rolling through the mountains, she yelled at him in frustration, "She's not dead! Just her body! Her spirit is alive, Jin, she is alive!"

He stared at her, at first not comprehending.

"Not… not dead?"

Finally getting an intelligent response from him, her shoulders slumped and she almost cried in relief.

"That's right, not dead."

"But you said--"

"You idiot! If your body died, would you die, ah?!"

Hearing this, he suddenly went limp with relief. His feet stumbled to the side and right into a chair. Instead of catching himself, he let his body fall to the floor heavily. Even if he was lying there awkwardly, he didn't care.

That was right. Even if this body he dwelled in died, he wouldn't die. Naturally, his sister wouldn't die just from her body dying either.

With this thought firmly entrenched in his mind, the earthquakes finally stopped.

"Alive, alive… she's alive…" He covered his face with his hands and only then realized he'd been sobbing.

"That's right, that's right..." Mei Hua had stepped over the fallen chairs and wrapped her left arm around his shoulders, lifting his whole body up into a sitting position. Leaning her forehead against his own, she continued talking, "She's alive, just very weak. Being human took a lot out of her near the end. Beloved, don't despair, don't give up. Even if it takes a long time, we'll find her."

A wisp of Mei's familiar coolness brushed against him and he felt himself calming down further. In his moment of madness, he hadn't cared about anything and had almost destroyed the chance of ever feeling her touch again. He recalled what De Tongran had said to him earlier about not being alone and instantly felt ashamed.

For his son to say something so pointed, he must have heard in advance about this news. And not only had he heard, he'd guessed how Jin would react. Even knowing all that, De Tongran had spoken for all his brothers in that moment and hoped their existence could be some kind of comfort to their father.

For the first time he resented being the spirit of the mountain. There was more than one reason to exist, yet in his madness he'd forgotten them all. If only he was really human, then this soul-split sickness wouldn't exist and he could give Mei and her sons the same kind of significance that he gave his sister. They could be truly special, so that even the madness didn't remove their importance.

But he wasn't human. No matter how much he loved his wife and cherished his children, his "other half" would always be more important. And no matter how long he remained in a human body and adapted to it, this point did not change. This was never more evident than when he lost control of himself.

Jin's unsteady breathing leveled out and his mind completely cleared. He looked around and sighed. The room was trashed from the earthquakes he'd accidentally produced in his madness. Decorations had fallen to the ground and shattered. He could even see structural damage to walls and windows.

The candles he lit earlier had all fallen over and were scattered wax blobs on the floor. If it weren't for the wood being fire resistant, likely the whole place would have been set ablaze. The only light came from the almost full moon, its rays of light shining through the open windows, the hatches that usually kept them closed having been broken.

He pursed his lips at the sight.

"I seem to have ruined our home in a fit."

Mei Hua grinned. In fact she was relieved to see he'd weathered the worst and was now feeling well enough to joke a bit.

"You built it to begin with, you can just rebuild anything you broke." She chuckled and used her shoulder to gently push him. "If you've forgotten anything, just ask Little Tong. You know how much he loves building things…"

"Maybe I should ask De Tongran to help even if I don't need--" He suddenly stopped, his eyes having fallen on Mei Hua's right hand, it was lying in her lap strangely. "Mountain Flower, your hand!"

She didn't have time to react before he'd already grabbed her wrist and examined her right hand. She sucked in a big gulp of air, her face scrunching in pain.

"Gentle, gentle!" She said through gritted teeth.

Jin's face turned ashen. "It's-- It's broken!"

Squeezing out a strained chuckle, Mei Hua jested, "When a fist and a mountain meet, the fist will naturally break first."

He glowered at her and wanted to scold but knew he had no right to do so. She'd only hit him to get his attention. If she hadn't gone to such an extreme, then he would have....

His fingers gently brushed over the ruined hand, his heart squeezing with self-recriminations.

"Mountain Flower, I have hurt you."

Even as he spoke, his power seeped into her hand with a golden glow. He knew her hand very well, knew where the bone should be and where the muscle and tendon ought to connect. It was easy to heal such a familiar hand, to stitch everything back together.

Mei Hua's eyebrows raised slightly at the sensation of her hand righting itself. Jin didn't often heal people, despite being extremely good at it, this was a rare thing to see much less experience. At certain points his healing felt extremely itchy and painful, but she didn't even twitch and instead remained perfectly still.

Her cultivation had given her the internal fortitude to endure the pain when her hand initially broke, so naturally she could endure the healing process just as well. It was fortunate she'd been able to get through her bottleneck all those years ago or she'd likely have fainted from the pain of breaking her hand. But, well, if she'd been even a little weaker than she was now, no matter how hard she hit him it wouldn't have been enough to get his attention.

The process was surprisingly quick. When he was done, she raised her hand and flexed her fingers. Her hand was as good as new.

Her lips quirked upwards. "Amazing."

Jin, however, didn't look pleased.

"Mei… I have done such a wrong by you..."

Seeing he was upset, she reached out and hugged him. "It's alright, I'm alright. I forgive you. It's not like you're wholly to blame either. I did hit you without holding back. Naturally something would break."

"But--"

She leaned back and poked his shoulder. "No buts. I already said I've forgiven you, now all you need to do is accept it. Or do you really plan on arguing with me about forgiving you?"

He hesitated for a moment and then nodded. It would be stupid of him to insist on apologizing when she insisted he was forgiven. He still felt guilty, but knowing she wasn't upset was also a weight off his shoulders.

Mei stood up and began dusting herself off, though it didn't do much. She gave up after a few moments and shrugged. Glancing down at him and asked with her head tilted, "Now that you've heard the worst of it, are you ready for the good news?"