Chapter 181 - I Am Sorry For Letting You Suffer Alone

Li Juan's dark eyes traced the familiar face in front of her, seemingly searching for the similarities between him and the man who appears in her vague memory.

A smile blooming in the corner of Lee Tae Yang's mouth, as he rose into feet and drift towards the bedside table to take out an old photo album. 

Her line of sight following his actions with pounding heart.

Lee Tae Yang handed over the hard bound photo album to her and settled down on the bed.

With her long trembling fingers Li Juan opened the album and found a baby boy's photographs.

An extremely cute boy who had a bright smile like a morning sun who lights up the dark world.

"Tae Yang," She mumbled as she turned the pages,

On the next few pages, there were few photos of baby Tae Yang with his parents and grandma. It is true that he inherited best of his parent's genes.

Li Juan tilted her head and glanced at the man who sat beside her before lowering her eyes back into the album,

However, the next photograph left her petrified, 

It was her late parents with the Tae Yang, 

A young and beautiful Li Qin was feeding little Tae Yang who was sitting on Bai Ze's lap, playing with a toy truck.

"This..is...how...did it..?" Li Juan stuttered as she struggled to process the information that has been passed on to her.

How come her parents knew Tae Yang and his parents?

From these pictures, it was clear that they weren't  just acquaintances.

"Uncle Ze and my parents were close friends. He was the one who helped and supported them when their family were against their marriage," Lee Tae Yang explained in a gentle tone,

Li Juan turned the pages and came across with the photographs of a newborn baby in a cradle, clutching on to Tae Yang's thumb with her cute little fingers.

The baby had a darker skin tone and sparkling big black eyes.

"Its you," Lee Tae Yang's face brightened with unconditional happiness as he affirmed,

Li Juan whose eyes were glued on to the photo album, touched the smooth surface of the photographs with her finger tips,

The next few photographs were taken on Li Juan's hundredth day of her birth. 

"After this day, aunt Li left soul city with you," His words had a melancholy, "And it took eighteen years for me to meet you again," 

The photographs in the album has now shifted to Li Juan in her late teens.

Li Juan stood in the middle of a meadow filled with flowers, a wide smile hanging on her lips as she faced the camera.

"This picture was taken on our first date," Lee Tae Yang added with a warm grin, "I was planning to ask you out for a date once you leave the hospital, however, you totally surprised me by asking first, that too...in front of my professor and colleagues..." 

As she listened to him reminiscing their good old days, an unknown warmth filled up in Li Juan's heart.

"You always wished to go for hiking in a mountain. Since we don't have any mountains in S city, that day I took you to a cliff. There we confessed our love and had our first kiss," His words sounded genuinely happy,

Apart from Li Juan and Lee Tae Yang there were some photographs of Li Juan with two other men around Tae Yang's age.

"Hao Ren and Chi Yan, they used to be my friends, but later on, these two practically became your brothers,"

All of these memories were new for her, yet gave her sense of familiarity.

When Li Juan saw her photograph with a golden retriever puppy, she looked at Lee Tae Yang in bewilderment,

"Our Yasookie. He was so little when you brought him home. You gifted me on my birthday and asked me to treat him as our first baby," 

The next picture was taken in front of a school, this time Li Qin was also present with them. 

"We took it on the first day of your graduation exams. Soon after your exams you broke up with me,"

As his casual words reached her, Li Juan looked at him in startlement,

She used to believe that there weren't any happiness in her life, but these pictures were the proof that how happy she was with him. Then why did she break up with him?

"You believed that your presence will cast bad luck on me and kill me," He replied as he understood the questions in her mind, with a faint smile, "You were hell bound on breaking up with me and even threatened me with your life,"

Though he said with a grin on his face, there was melancholy hidden inside his deep eyes,

"When I met you after a month, you were already forgotten about me. That brain injury and continuous relapses have left you vulnerable and fragile. I want to remind you about us, but Aunt Li was against it. She feared that if we stayed together, that would end up ruining both of our lives. She asked me to stay away from you and but I couldn't completely make myself agree to her,"

Lee Tae Yang stopped for a moment and gazed at the woman who sat there mortified,

"When we found out that your chances of memory loss have increased due to the continuous relapses and unstable mental condition, you always made me promise to remind you, in case you forgets me...I was forced to stay away from you..but Xiao Li, I never left you alone," He affirmed with a pair of honest eyes,

"All these years, I was watching you from afar...I saw how my adamant little girl grew up into a fine young lady who is admired and respected by everyone...chasing her goals and fulfilling her dreams," His voice raised in pride as he talked about Li Juan,

"Every time I tried to reveal the truth, I was pushed away from you and not to mention that you always preferred Tang Wei Sheng over me," He sniggered at his misfortune and raised his eyes upward to hide his tears,

"But I kept believing that one day, you will remember me and we will get a chance to be with each other. On that belief, I lived until I saw you on the parking lot of a bar in S city. That night, while you were drunk, you kept repeating that you miss someone...you kept complaining that someone broke your promise and left you alone,"

He turned to look at Li Juan and asked in blaming voice,

"How can you say like that when you were the one who left -?"

Even before he could complete, Lee Tae Yang's accusations were shut down with a wet kiss,

He was slightly stunned. The tender and velvety sensation on his lips caused him to recover immediately from the shock.

"Sorry," A muffled murmur fell on his ears,

He grabbed Li Juan's trembling shoulders and pull her away from him,

"Sorry," She repeated with down cast eyes,

"Xiao Li," Tae Yang gently grab hold of her chin and raised her face,

The moment his eyes met Li Juan's eyes, Lee Tae Yang held his breath. It was as if someone is grabbing onto his throat, giving him a suppressing pain, suffocating him to death.

There were two channels of tears flowing down her peerlessly  stunning face, her tears were two sharp blades which cutting through his heart.

"Xiao Li," He called her in husky low voice, his deep and profound eyes, now surging with huge and stormy waves.

His heart felt so painful as if he is going to faint the next second. Her tears seemed to be turning into huge rocks pressing on to his heart, crushing into a million pieces,

"I am sorry for leaving alone," Li Juan couldn't stop her shoulders from trembling. Biting hard on her lips she tried suppress the guilt and pain surging inside.

It had been seven years,

Was there anyone who can understand the pain and torment that Lee Tae Yang had to the whole seven years?

She meant the world for him and what did she done in return? She tried to kill herself...chose Tang Wei Sheng over him...Even when he become her suitor, she brutally turn down him.

How did he survived through all of these and still had the heart to accept her?

The moment Li Juan decided to live with Tae Yang, she thought that there isn't anything she has to worry about. He never argued with her and always agree to her demands. But it was only today she realized that his reprimand and avoidance, are painful enough to make her grieve to a point which felt like an end of her world.

At this moment only Li Juan regretted her aloof and indifferent attitude towards Lee Tae Yang. How devastating must be the pain she brought to him.

She had no courage to speak any word other than apology.

"I am sorry, its all my fault that you have suffered this much. Just punish me if you want," Li Juan broke into low sobs as she lowered her face in guilt.

"Punish her? Why would he do that?" Lee Tae Yang was loss at words,

From the moment she had born, Li Juan was punished by heavens for something she has never done. All these years she was living in torment and agony. How can he even think about punishing her?

He pulled her fragile body into his arms and hugged  her so tightly, as if he is trying into blend her into his flesh and bone, so that they wouldn't be separated apart again.

With her eyes closed, Li Juan let him hug her without saying anything. The hug she had been waiting for long felt so warm. The scent that belonged him to felt so comforting. 

She thought she had no one other than her mother...

But from the very beginning to this moment...he was the only one who always remained with her.

They were no longer illusions in her dreams and she would never suffer the despair in her life again.

It was real.

His body warmth was real. His hug was real...He was real,

Seven years had passed and finally Lee Tae Yang was able to recall the meaning of being at ease.

He was quietly hugging the woman who became his entire world, immersing himself on the warmth and softness offered by her body.

"Yang yang," Her raspy voice fell on his ears like a tinkling of mountain rivers, so refreshing and cool,

"Hmm,"

"I am sorry...I shouldn't have asked you to break up. I am sorry for letting you go through the suffering all alone," 

As soon as he heard her words, he slightly released from her the embrace,

"If you are feeling sorry for me, then why don't you do something to please me?"

His lips curled into mischievous smile as he tightened his arm over her waist and other arm travelling on to the nape of her neck.

Lee Tae Yang lowered his head and tenderly kissed on her lips, like he was afraid to hurt her. 

Li Juan who was left in daze by him, took a moment to recognize the meaning of his words as she responded to his advances by kissing him back.

Once he got a response from Li Juan, Lee Tae Yang felt a wave of heat arising from his lower body.

He tightened his arms on her and he deepen their kiss by pry opening her mouth and explore each other with their tongues.

When Li Juan almost out of her breath, finally he pull away from her lips,

Both of their pants filling the silent bedroom, breathing heavily Li Juan stared at the man who was looking at her with a seductive smile, making her weak at knees,

He leaned closer to her to brush his lips over the shell of her ear, as his low hoarse and breath tickling and teasing Li Juan,

"How about we do "it" now?"