Chapter 27 - You Know You Want Me Too

Lance. 

So far, I have been great at pretending to be okay. Hiding my true feelings is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is obvious that Ford doesn't want to be here with me. 

His expression says it all. 

I don't have to have a high IQ to know. 

We are both here against our own wills. He said we can't be anything and I want to fight for him. I want to convince him that this can work. We are not living our lives for anyone but ourselves. We have to do what will make us happy and being with him makes me the happiest I have ever been. 

I can't let go of that. 

I don't even plan on letting him go. 

"So, you try it on in the dressing room," Lorenzo tells me with a warm smile as he hands me a couple of suits on hangers. So, I have to try them on, see which fits and goes well. I nod as I collect the clothes "I will be right back," he winks and walk out of the room. 

Ford is seated on the brown leather couch and he seems to be engrossed to his phone. Jealousy seeps through my skin as he laughs at something. 

"Where is the dressing room?" 

He looks up from his phone at my question, he sizes up the clothes that I am carrying "Just that door over there," he points to one of the doors with his phone. 

I nod and walk into the dressing room; it is very tiny with a very large mirror on plastered to the wall. My reflection springs up on me and I groan at how horrible I look. On a normal day, I wouldn't care about my appearance but if this is what Ford sees when he looks at me, then I am not surprised that he doesn't want to be with me. 

My hair is a mess on my head. I cannot even remember the last time I even put a comb through it. There are dark circles around my eyes, from all the thinking and not sleeping. My clothes are rumpled, what made me think leaving my house like this was a good idea. The difference between the two of us, even though we are both going through this, he still looks beautiful. 

His hair is still beautiful, everything is beautiful about him. 

I put on the first one and it looks normal to me. I don't know anything about suits. This is a first for me "Ford," I call his name. 

"Yeah," he shouts back through the door. 

"I need some help," I mutter. This is a chance to be alone with him, in this enclosed space. I really want the opportunity to hold him in my arms, even if it is just one last time. 

"Come out," 

I groan out loud because he is being difficult. Maybe this is just me wanting to be selfish "I can't, just come in." 

I see the handle of the door turn and my heart races in my chest. Slowly his head peers into the tiny room and I smile as I stretch my arms out for him to get a better view of the suit. He raises a brow still watching me, unsure if he should enter. 

"How is it?" 

He comes into the room at my question and I watch him close the door softly. Okay, so now we are alone. This is good, this is what I wanted. His scent fills me in completely, the cologne he uses, that I have gotten accustomed to. His eyes dart around as his lips tilt upwards "It is too big." 

I turn away from him and face the mirror again. I can't even tell, honestly, I don't care. To me, it looks okay. 

"Are you sure?" 

Before I know it, his body is pressed to mine. He is way closer than I ever even imagined. His chest rises and falls slowly against my back and my heart fights for more from him. 

I stiffen against him because I don't know how to act right now "It should be a little tighter around here," his fingers rest on the sleeves of the jacket and slightly, I mean almost unnoticeably, he touches my wrist. His movement is intentional, he is doing this intentionally "And here," he grabs the white shirt around my waist and his palm rests on it. He is watching me; I can see him through the mirror. I don't know what he wants me to do but he doesn't want to let go of me. 

This is an opportunity, an opportunity to make him falter on his words. He doesn't want us to try, he said there is no us but I can fight his fears and win. He needs to know what he will be missing if he lets go of me. I reach for his hand, which is still on me and grab unto him. I am not as gentle as him, this is not a test run for me. I know what I want and I want him, I want all of him. 

Still holding unto him, I turn around until I am facing him with my face just an inch apart from him. His breaths become heavy; his eyes are boring into my soul right now. I can tell a lot from looking into his eyes. This is very hard for him, but I need to make the moves. He will not refuse me. 

Slowly with my other hand, I reach for his face. With a deep breath, he closes his eyes, unable to look at me anymore. This is what I wanted when I asked him to come into the dressing room. I wanted to see his weakness, I wanted him to fall to prey. 

"What are we doing?" he breathes out huskily. 

My fingers play around with the smoothness of his face, from his cheek to his lips. His pink luscious lips are beneath my fingers, begging for more. 

"I don't know," I sigh defeatedly. 

I am waiting to see if he will fight against this. I won't force anything that he doesn't want. I want him to want me. This has to be both sided. 

"I miss your lips on mine," I cry. My voice is unrecognizable to me. This is not something I am usually good at. I am not the forward type. I don't seduce people. 

With his eyes closed, he bends his neck backwards and I reach for it and pull him closer. I rest my nose on his and my lips touch his "Tell me you want this to. Please." 

He sighs against me "We can't do this," his words are saying something different from his actions. His words are fighting him but his actions crave all that is happening. 

"I know." 

Our lips are already touching, I want him to make the first move. I want him to kiss me. I can't do it if he is still unsure. I need his consent. Come on Ford. You know you want this. 

"I should go," he takes a step away from me. 

No, please no. 

He is stronger than I am. this is hard for him but he is fighting and winning. I can't let him win but there is nothing I can do. I can't force him to kiss me, there is no convincing him. He lets go of me and walks over to the door "You should try the others and pick the one you want to wear, so he can work with it." 

He is still in front of the door and I wait for him to leave. This is what he wants so I have no willpower right now to persuade him. A couple of seconds pass and he doesn't move. He doesn't open the door; I wait for him to leave but he stays in place with his back facing me. 

He is resisting. 

"Ford," I call his name out. 

Suddenly he turns around and pushes me to the wall. I hit the mirror hard but I don't check as he smashes his lips against mine. There is nothing gentle about the kiss. He kisses me with so much force that I have to push him to get air. I slide my tongue into him and he welcomes it by rubbing his against mine. All the butterflies, the electricity, the tension between us; I feel it. I feel everything that tells me that fighting for this is worth it. I will not lose anything if I decide to be with him, but I will lose everything if I let go of him. 

He presses his body in between my legs and I wrap my arms around his neck. We continue kissing, no one wants to let go. If I die in his arms right now, I will die happy. The fact that I got to spend my last moment with him would be everything I ever wanted. 

"Mr Hilly," Lorenzo's voice breaks the heaven I am in. 

Ford pulls away from me so fast that he hits his arm on the door "Fuck," he shouts out in pain. 

"Are you okay in there?" The old man calls out. 

Shit.