Chapter 31 - When Will You Choose Me?

Lance. 

"Dinner is served," a man dressed in a chef's attire interrupts us and I am glad. The conversation was getting too heavy. I can't handle all this at once. 

I want to help him but how can I help him when I don't even know what is wrong. There is so much fear in his life, fear that is unknown to me. 

Why is he so afraid? 

"We'll be right down." 

He looks at me and I watch as his expression changes "We should head down. Dad doesn't really like to wait." 

I nod and we walk out of his room together, once outside, I grab his arm in my grip "Are you okay?" I genuinely want to know. 

He smiles "I am fine. I just needed you to know that she is nothing to me. I won't hurt you like that." 

"I don't care about Lisa." I scrunch up my face, he chuckles. 

This is the Ford I like. The one that smiles, the one that is happy. I hate downer Ford and it seems like he is always sad when he is not with me. If I knew a way to steal him away from his sadness, I would do it. 

We get to the dining table. His dad is already seated but he is on the phone "Yeah, he just walked in now." 

I can guess who he is talking to. 

"Yeah, next time you have to be here. We will be a complete family then." he ends the call and the word family stays in my mind. 

"Come on. Have a seat next to me," he pats the chair next to him and from the side of my eyes, I see Ford roll his eyes. I watch him take a seat opposite me. He looks at his plate and nothing else. "Dig in," John urges. I fake a smile as he puts chicken into my plate. 

This is the most awkward dinner I have ever attended. If this was just me and Ford, it would be perfect but this man is making things so bad. I can't act too friendly with Ford because he wouldn't want me to. He doesn't want us to act like we are too close, he doesn't want to raise suspicion. 

"Papa," 

I hear her voice before I see her. My heart skips in my chest because I don't know what to expect. I knew she was coming. That's all I could think about—the girl that thinks she is dating the love of my life. Her eyes are the first thing I notice, they are fucking striking. Blue with tiny flecks of silver. Her hair is jet black and long, even in a high ponytail, it reaches her lower back. She is dressed in a black dress; it is tight at the top with a flair. It accentuates all her curves. I remember her, she is the one I saw with him in school. The cheerleader. 

Lisa the girlfriend is everything I can never be. 

She is perfect. 

John looks up from his food and the brightest smile I have ever seen on his face shines through the table. He is happy to see her, this is someone he honestly likes. This is the girl he has chosen for his son. 

"My favourite girl is here," he gestures with his hands and she walks over to him swiftly. In an instant, he has her wrapped around his arms. There is nothing to the hug, it is innocent but I am irritated, 

Why not fucking marry her yourself? I think to myself. 

It is an evil thought but I hate her, I hate her so much. I wish the ground would just open and eat her up completely. I wish she could disappear from the face of the earth. 

"You have been absent for too long. Did you fight with Brad," he asks still holding unto her? 

This time I roll my eyes. 

This scene is puke worthy. 

"No, we've been having a lot of after school practices." 

"Don't stay away for too long next time." he smiles "Sit down, the food is getting cold." he lets go of her and I roll my eyes again. She sits down next to him and this is like her claim to him. Her eyes scream out 'Mine'. Something that I can't be proud to say out because he is scared of God knows what. 

"Hi," she whispers in his ear, so low that I almost don't hear it. All my attention is focused on them. I want to see how he will act around her. If it is the same pretence that he shows to his father and probably everyone else. 

She slides her hand in between his and squeezes gently. His eyes are on me, he looks guilty. 

I raise a brow. 

Why are you guilty? 

He doesn't answer her and somehow, she ignores his attitude towards her. Her eyes move until they are on me. The smile on her face widens, the excitement in her eyes and confusion on her face. She seems to be happy to see me. Does she know who I am? 

"Hey, I've heard so much about you." she lets go of Ford and leans forward for a handshake. 

This is the most uncomfortable I have ever felt. I take her petit hands in mine unsure of how to act or what to say. "Brad can't stop talking about you." 

I find it hard to believe her, there is no way he talked about me to her. She is lying, I don't her reason but she is. 

"Well, I haven't heard anything about you," I blurt out. 

I don't mean to sound so rude but I am pissed right now. This girl just barged here and she is acting like she is part of the family. Okay, maybe she is part of the family, I mean I just met this family, so I have no idea how close she is to them. The only thing I know is what Ford told me. He doesn't want to have anything to do with her but she seems to think he is betrothed to her. 

"Ha, well we can get to know each other." 

Their maid Maria, walks into the room and places her plate in front of Lisa. My eyes roam until they stop in front of Ford. He has this apologetic look in his eyes. I know how he feels and I don't blame him. I am not upset with him, yes, I am upset with the situation but it is not his fault. 

"Sure, we will." I focus on my food and the rest of dinner goes quietly. 

After dinner all three of us walk out of the house together "I'm just gonna drop him off." Ford explains to Lisa. She clings unto his arm tightly and the irritation is clear my face. 

"I thought we could hang out for a bit," she cries. 

He pulls her hand off him slowly and I watch this scene, not really sure of what to say or how to act around them. I don't know what he plans to do but If he chooses to stay with her, I will be sad. 

"He doesn't have a ride. I am sorry. Maybe we can reschedule?" 

The fact that he even suggests that upsets me. The phone call I overheard was angry. He says he doesn't like her; he doesn't want to be with her, then why the fuck is he rescheduling? 

"My driver can drop him off." those words are simple. She is offering a helping hand to help her boyfriend. I want him to refuse, I wish he would grow some balls and fucking stand up for himself. 

I know it before he agrees. 

I have hope but those hopes are crushed as I watch him sigh in defeat. He has lost the battle that is Lisa. There is nothing I can say, there is nothing I can do. I am the loser in this. The loser that keeps on hanging unto someone that doesn't have the courage to be with me. Until Ford accepts himself. I can't fight for him. I can't win the battle all by myself. 

"You don't mind, right?" he asks me like I have a choice. 

Can I be the problematic one and disagree to this "I can just call a car." 

I remember the last time I was with him and I didn't have a ride, he insisted on dropping me off. I wish he will do the same again even though I know this time is different. 

I watch him as he agrees to it and my heart shatters into a million pieces in front of the man I love and he doesn't help me pick it up. 

As I leave his house, the only thing stuck on my mind is the fact that I have to let go. Let go of him, let go of the hopes I have. I have to stop wishing and praying for a better chance. I can't help Ford when he doesn't want to give me that chance.. There is nothing I can do for him and I have to live with this heartbreak knowing full well that he is the one that caused it.