Chapter 35 - Don't Let Go.

Lance. 

I plate the food into two plates and he watches me with this intense stare. His eyes are warm and inviting, almost like he is trusting me to open up to him. I have already concluded in my head that I will but I don't even know how to start the conversation. 

"So, what's the deal?" he asks once I take a fork of the meal. 

He goes straight to the point, there is no beating around the bush with him. He is direct and honest. One of the things I like about Patrick. 

His eyes bore into mine as he waits for me to start talking. The only person I have ever opened up to is Jack. He is the only one in my life that knows every single detail. He is the only one that cares about my worries, my fears. He is the only one that I have been able to be myself around but now, looking at Patrick, I feel sincerity coming off of him. 

I don't want anything romantic with him. 

I want his friendship. 

He is looking at me and his eyes are pleading with me, begging me to trust him. I don't know him well enough to trust him, but I know that he is sincere. So that is what I intend to do. 

I tell him everything. 

From the beginning. 

The moment I met ford at the party to the moment I found out the truth. I tell him about John and Lisa. He listens to me, he doesn't interrupt me and once I am done, he reaches through the table and grabs my hand in his. Squeezing it, he smiles warmly. The smile on his face is the most satisfying. Somehow, I feel better. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. 

"So there you go. I am in love with my mother's boyfriend's son." 

He nods, his hand is still holding onto mine. I don't want him to let go. I need this comfort. I have needed comfort for so long and I haven't been able to get it. This makes me feel better. He makes me feel better. 

"That's why you said you couldn't be with him?" 

I nod. 

He lets go of my hand and drags his chair closer to me. It makes a screeching sound on the floor as he moves closer to. He reaches for me and I watch him, unsure of his intentions. Slowly, he raises his hand to my face and I watch him curiously. His hand rests on my face and he brushes the strands of hair from It. 

"You know, I am going to say something. You don't have to agree with it," he breathes out. Still touching my face. I am still frozen in place because I don't know how to react to this. 

He hasn't done anything yet. 

I manage a nod. 

He smiles. 

"How do you really feel about this guy?" 

I have told him everything, from the beginning. So this question seems ridiculous to me. it is obvious I am in love with Ford. I have been from the moment I kissed him. 

"I don't understand your question." 

His hand moves away from my hair and I feel relief. It feels weird bonding with another guy while Ford sleeps in my room on my bed. Somehow this feels like cheating. 

I don't know if that makes any sense. 

"I want you to think about it, like really think about it. If you never saw him again. How would you feel?"

That thought is scary. 

I might not end up in a relationship with Ford. We might have to act like brothers for the rest of our lives but as long as he is in my life, I will be okay. The thought of never seeing him again in maddening. 

"I can't even picture it," I manage already getting angsty. 

He smiles, almost like this is the reaction he wants from me. I sit back on my chair to calm my nerves. 

"Then why are you giving people the chance to decide what you do?" 

I furrow my brows.

He continues "You love this guy. You want to be with this guy?"

I nod. 

"Don't let him go. Fight for your love, fight until there is no fight left in you and then fight some more." 

This is unbelievable and confusing. 

"How do I fight when he has given up on us?" 

He shakes his head "He is scared. He has no one, from what you have told me, he is alone, he is broken, he is drowning. You are the only one that can pull him back up."

"Why are you doing this for me?" I ask because I want to know. Why is he helping me. Jack said he liked me. he keeps thinking that he wants to be more than friends. It doesn't look like he wants that. 

"Because I see something in you and I want things between us to flourish." 

With creased brows, I ask "Huh?" 

I have no idea what he just said. .I mean it makes no sense. 

He chuckles. 

"I've basically been a loner all my life. I mean I have no friends. I ran away from home two years ago and I have been taking care of myself ever since. You are the first person I like being with and I don't want to lose that." 

I have so many questions to ask. 

The mystery that is Patrick just becomes more mysterious but he doesn't give me the chance. he suddenly shifts away from me and slides back to his plate. That is his way of saying conversation over. I don't want to pester him if he doesn't want to talk to me about his life. I mean I know I just opened up to him and told him my biggest worries but that doesn't mean he has to now. 

We continue the meal and I have to say, it is delicious. He said it would be worth it and I am glad he ordered for me. 

Patrick leaves my apartment and I end up going back to my room to check up on Ford. He is still sleeping; his cheeks are still flushed. Walking over to him, I sit on the edge of my bed and reach out for him. his snores are soft, and he still smells of alcohol. I should get his clothes off; he would hate to wake up in the morning to this smell. 

I lift him up gently and he shifts in my arm with a soft groan. I succeed in taking off his shirt and then I do his pants. I don't mean to ogle him, but I feel a sadness in the depths of me as I watch him sleep. I can't stand the thought that I will lose him. Patrick is right, everything he said today makes so much sense. 

I should fight. 

I shouldn't give up on him.

Ford needs me. 

He needs someone and I want to be that person for him. 

I brush my fingers, suddenly his hand grabs mine and I freeze like I have been caught doing something bad. His open slowly and confusion sprawls on his face. He must be wondering why I am here.

Almost like I can read his mind. 

"Lance?" he questions dazedly. 

I manage a soft smile. With his hand still grabbing mine, he attempts to sit up on the bed "You should try and rest. You've had a rough night."

"What am I doing here?" 

"You don't remember?" 

He shakes his head. I don't think he is fully sober right now. He is still in a state of drunkenness so I doubt he will remember anything we talk about tonight. 

"I'm sorry," he creases, still holding unto me. 

"For what?" 

He succeeds in sitting up and rests his back on the headboard of my bed. I watch him, unsure of his intentions. I don't want to talk to him when he is drunk. I want him to be sober when I tell him all I have decided. He is not sober right now. His words are slurred, he still stinks of alcohol. It is too soon to get through to him. 

"I don't know what to do," he cries, letting go of my hand. 

My hand suddenly feels cold and empty, I wish he would touch me again.

"You don't have to say anything, I understand."

Slowly I pull him closer and wrap my arms around his waist in an encompassing hug. I feel heat on the crook of my neck as he takes soft breaths in my arms. This feels relaxing to me, I have missed his touch. The fact that I feel this way from just being in his arms tell me everything I need to know. 

"I am so sorry," he cries even harder. 

I pat his hair softly as I hold him. 

"Please don't leave me," he begs desperately. 

I smile because from this moment, I don't plan on leaving him.. No matter what happens, I will hold unto him tightly.