Chapter 52 - Love Beyond Comprehension.

Ford. 

''Hey,'' Lisa skips over to me and slings her arm into mine. The contact is excruciating to me. here she is acting like she didn't say all that shit the last time I saw her. She fucking reported me to my father. 

Who does that? 

Now here she is acting like nothing happened that night. I am beyond pissed at her but talking to her about it would be futile. No matter what I say, I will just end up losing in the situation. 

"Hi,'' I respond uninterestedly. 

She looks up at me with a curious expression. I haven't spoken to her since that night and I don't want to make this a regular. I will try to avoid her until I leave this town, this life and can start my own life with Lance. 

She bats her lashes, with her hand still on me ''Are you still upset with me?'' 

She knows what she has done, at least that is good. I don't want to relive that night because I want to forget about my dad and all his threats. I don't want to think about the fact that his wedding is in a day. I have been thinking about it all through the week. The closer the day gets, the more real this is. I know lance doesn't want to move into my house. He has been talking about convincing his mom, he wants to stay in the apartment. He thinks that will give us more privacy—at least more privacy than we would be able to get in my house. 

''I am over it and besides, I see you already complained to my dad.'' 

She opens her eyes wide at my words and then darts them away from me with a guilt-ridden expression. She can't deny it, this is not the first time she has gone over me to my father for something I did or said to her. She thinks because he is nice to her and he actually likes her that she somehow has some control over me. 

''That's not what happened. He called me, I explained my concern with you and Lance being together all the time. You might think I am exaggerating but people like him usually influence deeply. Why do you think kids with gay parents always end up being the same?'' 

I can't even comprehend how she would even think of something like that.

''People like Lance? Are you fucking insane?''

I force her arm off mine and walk away from her. I don't even want to engage in this conversation with her. I feel her footsteps as she follows me. Lisa is a very determined person, she never gives up even though there is actually no hope of winning, like this moment, I am not going to accept her and all the bullshit she is saying. 

Lance is not the one that made me gay. 

He is not the reason I like guys.

I went up to him, in fact, if there was anyone that opened him up to this world, I would say that was me. just because he figured it out late, doesn't mean he suddenly turned gay. That is just who he is and she will never understand that. Her mind is closed off completely and I am not about to help her see things like they really are. If she doesn't want to move with the times, then that is her own fucking problem. 

''Wait up, are you upset again?''

She looks up to me stopping me from my escape. A sigh leaves my lips because I am already spent out and I don't want to add Lisa to the stress in my life. I have to think about a wedding that is happening tomorrow and how I will be living with my boyfriend/stepbrother. We are doing this secret relationship but I don't know how it is going to work. We can make it work only because my dad is rarely around, with all his business trips abroad, so we don't really have to face him all the times. 

''I am not upset. Listen, Lisa, I need some time to myself. Can you just give me a fucking break without reporting me to my father?" I look at her with the hope that she will actually listen to me. 

''I didn't report you.''

I scoff ''I swear to God, that was not my intention. I was just concerned. Anyways I am sorry.'' She retorts with no hint of sincerity in her tone. 

''I have to go. I am late for class.''

She rolls her eyes ''We are in the same chem class. We can walk together. I need to talk to you about something.''

She grabs my arm again and this time I scream internally because somehow, she is not even listening to me. she is just doing things her own way. Lisa gets what Lisa wants. 

''What colour should I wear to the wedding tomorrow. Since we are going to this thing together. I want us to be all matchy and shit.''

I stop walking instantly with confusion sprawled on my expression. Going to this thing together?

I didn't get that memo.

''You're not my date to this.''

She laughs ''Of course I am. You're my boyfriend. Who else would you go to this with?''

''I am not your boyfriend,'' I tell her point-blank.

"Why do you do this. You know we have no choice about this, so why do you fight it so hard?''

''Because I don't love you. I have never loved you.''

''I love you. I will love you enough for both of us.'' With that, she walks away from me and I watch her disappear.

The denial is exhausting. 

Maybe I might just have to tell her the real truth. 

****************************

I drive over to his house with so much excitement. Just the thought of seeing him gives me thrills. I will never get tired of his face, the goofy smile he always has on. His eyes when he looks at me, the lust, the love all the passion engulfed in him. 

Lance has shown me real love. The kind of love I never thought I would ever experience. I lived my life before him like a robot. I didn't care about anything. I knew who I was, I knew I was gay but I didn't accept it. I hated that part of myself, I wished I could be normal. I wanted to be someone that my father would be proud of, so I lived my life for him. Yeah, I might still be in the shadows and you could say I am still living out his dreams but now I know what I want. 

I want a life with Lance and I will be damned if I don't get that. 

I get to the parking lot of his apartment building. Grabbing my phone, I call him immediately and he answers on the first ring. ''You here?'' his voice sends chills into my bones. 

''Yeah, should I come up?'' 

''No, my mom is here and I want to kiss you so badly.''

He ends the call and I wait for him to come down. It takes him five minutes and I know because I counted. The impatience within me to see him is encompassing. The moment I see him through the doors my heart jolts in my chest from the excitement that is about to come. He is dressed in a pair of shorts and a plain tee. His hair is messy, at this point I think he just likes it like that. I am not the kind to care about appearances wither but it comes with all the pretence I have going. 

He runs over to my car and jumps into my arms immediately. Almost forgetting that we are in front of his house and anyone could see it. I don't have it in my heart to remind him, so I pull him closer and he rests his face in the crook of my neck ''I have missed you?'' he breathes into my neck and I feel the heat from his words. 

''I missed you too.'

He pulls away from me slowly and presses his lips to mine softly. I close my eyes because I like to enjoy our kisses. 

He clutches the ends of my shirt tightly and I don't even care that he will rumple them. This is a usual thing for him. he always like to hold unto me, he said he never wants to let go of me when I am close. That he is scared that I will disappear. 

He is real, I am real and this thing between us is real. The moment I am strong enough to stand on my own. I will make him mine forever. I am not looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. The only wedding, I want right now, is the one where he can walk down the aisle to me. 

A wedding where we can finally be together. 

I think I have it bad.