Chapter 58 - Back In Reverse.

Lance. 

We finally had a moment.

I am finally in his arms again. I didn't even realise how much I missed him until he wrapped me in for a kiss. I hate being withdrawn from him. it a punishment I don't like to face. 

Ever.

We are lying down next to each other, naked with heavy breaths. Sex with Ford is always amazing. He looks at me with lazy eyes as I reach for his face, resting my thumb on his cheek. 

''I am sorry about earlier,'' he apologises again. 

I smile because all is forgiven and forgotten. The fact that we are here together in this bed means that he is fine. There is nothing wrong with him—at least for this moment. 

Deep down, I know eventually, he will have to talk about everything but I don't intend to rush him. I look at Ford and I know we have the rest of our lives to figure everything out. 

''We're fine,'' I lean forward for a kiss. 

He smiles into the kiss and pulls me closer. My phone vibrates on the bed beside me and I remember the party I am supposed to go to. I promise Jack, and things between us are kinda rocky. I want to make it up to him and that means I have to go to that party. 

''How do you feel about going out tonight?'' I ask him. 

He lets go of me with a raised brow ''Where?'' he is a lot better than earlier. You have no idea how relieved I am about that. I can't handle moody Ford. He doesn't want me. 

''A party, at the Hive.''

He creases his brow in confusion but there is a smile on his face. please keep on smiling baby. Don't ever be sad. 

''Am I supposed to know where that is?''

I forgot he is a prep kid. The hive is a spot for us, not them. That is a good thing because none of his people will be there. We can be as free as we want. 

''it's a club, come on. I think it'll be good to go out tonight,'' I know I am pushing him but I want him with me tonight. I want him out of his funk. 

Fuck, I miss him so much. 

''I don't know if I am up for going out tonight.'' 

I sit up on the bed and he watches me almost like he knows I am about to try and convince him ''Please, I promise this will be good for you.''

We didn't talk about his mood. I don't want to be the one to bring it up. I want him to be able to talk about it to me. There should be a point in his life where he would begin to want to open up to me. I won't rush him; I will be as patient as I can. It is going to be very hard but I will do my best to be the best support system he can have. 

The fact that he completely withdrew from me these couple of days hurt but he is here now. He is smiling and I will take a week of his smiles and two of his tears, over not having him in my life. 

No one is perfect and I am coming to realise it. 

I have to love him through his good days and bad, even if there are a lot of bad days in the picture. 

''We have school tomorrow; I've got basketball practise all night. There's a game on Friday. Do you think it is a good idea to be out late?''

''I know, we won't drink. Just some fresh air and a little bit of mingling. You will get to meet Eren.'' 

I have told him about my other best friend but he hasn't met him. Ford doesn't have any issues with me telling my friends about us. As long there is no relation to his father, we are good. 

''I would like to meet him,'' he breathes out and I release a sigh of relief. I didn't even know I was worried. He kisses my forehead softly and pulls the covers off us. We are both still naked, so I ogle him lustfully. I just had him minutes ago but I already want more. Is it possible to be addicted to someone? Because I think I am addicted to Ford. 

He stands up from the bed, not bothering to cover up ''Come on, we should have a shower if we want to go for this thing.'' He winks, my heart melts in my chest. 

His hair is matted to his head from all the sex sweat, his body shines as the light above him glistens against his chest. He stretches his hands out and I reach for them as he pulls me off the bed, I sling my arms around his neck and he presses his lips to mine. 

''I love you,'' he says pulling back from the kiss. 

It feels nice to hear him say it. I have missed hearing him tell me how much he loves me. I have this fear in me, that eventually he will stop loving me, stop fighting for us. I don't ever want that day to come but it is still a lingering worry. One that I can't seem to get rid of. One that creeps up whenever something or someone reminds me that we are wrong for each other. 

''I love you,'' 

He smiles ''Remember that, especially when I am being stupid. Don't ever forget.''

I nod. 

He leads me into the bathroom and we hurry as we wash each other up. I remember the first date we had in this same house. This house that I now live in. we had a shower that night. It was the best day of my life. it opened me to so much, made me embrace myself to who I really am. 

After our shower, I watch him as he wraps a towel around his waist and throws one to me, I walk out of the bathroom but he remains inside.

''I'm just gonna go to my room to change,'' I tell him which gets a nod from him as I walk out of his room. Halfway down the hall, I realise that my phone is still in his room on his bed and I need to call jack which makes me go back to his room. 

I open his door and his eyes look up at me, probably not expecting me back so soon. There is an orange pill bottle with a white cap in his grip and a bottle of water on his other hand. 

''I forgot to take my phone with me,'' I explain even though there really is no need for an explanation. ''What is that,'' I gesture to the medicine. 

He looks at his hand at the bottle like it is the first time he is seeing it. ''Oh… uh, aspirin. I have a headache.'' He waves it in the air. I can't see the name on the cap but it looks like a prescription. 

He is lying to me. he might think I am stupid but I can tell when he is hiding something from me and he is definitely hiding something from me. this is another one of his secrets. 

Too many secrets. 

''Okay, I will get dressed.'' I walk out the door after grabbing my phone. I don't know why he is on medication but I wish he'd trust me enough to let me know. 

I am the least judgemental person—okay maybe not the least but I wouldn't judge him. I want to be there for him, not criticise him. 

I see a couple of missed calls from Jack as I enter my room as his face blares on my screen on facetime. I answer immediately and he glares at me through the phone. He is in his car ''What the fuck dude,'' he whines. 

I chuckle ''I am sorry, I am getting ready now.'' I tell him, raising the phone up so that he can see me better. 

''We were supposed to leave for 10. You know I have to come to pick you up from your fancy-ass house.''

''Ford is coming with us. He can drive me to the Hive.'' 

He raises a brow ''You guys made up?'' 

I nod.

''What crawled up his ass?'' 

I shrug ''I still don't know. We just kinda went back to where we were. Do you think its stupid not talking about things?''

''Did you ask him what was wrong?''

I shake my head ''We just kinda held each other and I didn't want to ruin things by talking about that.''

''You know you can't keep pushing things back. He needs to open up to you.'' He points out. 

''I kinda want him to do it on his own… you know. I don't want to push him to trust me.''

He rolls his eyes ''That dude trusts you, man. I just think there is something that he is scared of. He probably doesn't want to lose you.''

''I guess. I gotta get ready. I will call you when we get there.''

He nods ''See ya.'' 

I drop my phone on the table by my bed and look around the room I am supposed to call my own. I had nothing to do with anything in this room. It was like this when I came here. From the paint on the walls to the bed and furniture. The only things that I can call mine are my clothes and my laptop on the table. John had someone set up the décor. 

I don't feel at home here. 

I doubt I ever will.