Chapter 64 - Depression?

Lance. 

''So you and your boyfriend totally ditched school today,'' Jack hits my shoulder playfully. 

I smile because just remembering my day makes me giggle. ''It was your fault. I told you parties on a school night is a bad idea.'' 

He rolls his eyes ''I went to school,'' 

We are in the parking lot of Ford's school. it is just opposite ours. He is supposed to be having practice. So we are waiting for him to get us to the gym. 

''Where did you guys disappear to last night?'' 

I shrug ''Home.''

He scoffs ''Before you went home. You left the club.''

I nod ''We got tattoos.'' I tell him so nonchalantly. I have gotten used to my tattoo. Somehow it has become a part of me. I love it so much. He opens his eyes wide from my words obviously shocked. Jack has three tattoos. So it is not shock from the tattoo but shock that I actually got one. 

''You have got to be kidding me.''

I shake my head and raise my hand up so that he can see it. he grabs my worst to get a closer look and I wince in pain. ''Fuck dude, it still hurts,'' I tell him.

He softens his grip ''What does this even mean? It looks stupid.'' He teases obviously he doesn't get it. I mean it is an inside joke between me and Ford. ''Is the cartoon guy holding boxers?'' he looks at me. 

I nod. 

''It's the stupid nickname for Ford, isn't it? Boxers' thief?''

Okay, I said he wasn't going to get it, but I guess he does. That's the thing with Jack. He knows everything about me. it is a blessing and a curse. Cause he can read me like an open book. 

''Well I think it is cute,'' I stare at the ink for like the hundredth time today. 

He rolls his eyes and picks up his slushie from the top of Ford's car. He takes a sip of it as Ford walks over to us. He is already in his uniform. This is the first time I have seen him in his uniform, and I have to say I love the look on him. His jersey is red with the number 21 at the back of it. if Ford wants to go pro, he could pull it off. He is as tall as the ones I see on Tv. 

''Why do we have to watch him play?'' Jack asks as he stops in front of us. 

Ford smiles ''Well, I think it would be boring, but Lance wants to, and I give my baby whatever he wants.'' 

Jack fake gags ''You guys are gross.'' He exclaims. 

Ford laughs and I give Jack the middle finger. We are out in public, so all the things I want to do to him right now have to be on hold. I can't take his hand in mine; I can't kiss him. I can't even walk too close to him because people will see, and they will talk.

I don't even know why I insisted on coming to this practice with him. He can't even introduce me as anything but his stepbrother. Maybe I just want to see how his life is outside me. I want to know if he has friends. How he interacts with his peers. I want to peel another layer. I want to get to know him more. 

''You can't interfere. My coach is very strict. So, no distractions please,'' he tells us. 

''I don't even want to be here, so don't even worry about me,'' Jack assures him.

We walk into the building and there are students loitering around the halls in their uniforms. I remember the time I tried to surprise him. not such a fun memory but we have come a long way from then. We go deeper in the school with Ford in front of us leading us. Jack nudges me with a whisper ''What are you up to?'' 

He is suspicious of me. 

''I don't know what you are talking about.''

He laughs ''I know you dude. Why would you want to be here? You don't even like sports.''

''I do like sports.''

He scoffs ''Only if they come in a video game. There must be a reason. There is always a reason with you.'' 

I roll my eyes because there isn't any reason. Besides, is there anything wrong to want to watch my boyfriend play a basketball? I want to be supportive. 

We get to the gym and it is full of other people in the same uniform as ford. he turns around facing us with the same warm smile on his face. ''Come on,'' he leads us to the bleachers. There are other people seated. So maybe this is not so weird. I mean it isn't right?

''Hilly, get your butt over here,'' an old man in a baseball cap waves him over. Okay, I am guessing that is the coach. 

''I have to go now, just call me over if you need me,'' he says, and I see the longing in his eyes. He leans closer ''I really want to kiss you right now,'' he whispers into my ear. ''Remind me when we get out of here,'' with that he walks away from us and the to court. 

''This must be really hard for you,'' Jack points out the obvious as we sit down. He grabs his phone from his pocket and I watch him get submerged into it. 

''He doesn't seem to have any friends,'' I notice. 

He looks up from the phone as we both look at Ford. I always knew that he was kind of a loner, but I at least thought he had one friend. He is in his element right now, the place he spends most of his time and he looks like he would rather be anywhere else. I notice the guy from the hotel—his teammate, Nate. 

''You can't be too sure; his friends don't have to be his teammates.''

''He hasn't even talked about any friend. Not once. He knows everything about me. he has met you and Eren. I haven't met any of his friends.''

''Is that why you wanted to come here?''

I nod. 

He sighs ''Look man, I didn't want to say anything before because you are still stuck on love island but I think there is more to him than he is letting you know.''

I furrow my brows in confusion. I know he is keeping things from me. I have known for a while, but I wish I could figure him out. 

''Yeah, I know that. I am gonna tell you something and you have to promise to keep it to yourself. Eren can't even know.''

''Okay,'' 

I tell him about the pill bottle. The one I saw him take in his room and then I add all the mood swings to it and the alcohol problems. Our voices are hushed because I don't want anyone to hear us. 

''It sounds like a drug problem,'' he analyses. 

''He doesn't seem like an addict. He hasn't had alcohol in a while, and he doesn't seem to be going through withdrawal.'' 

He sighs ''What if he is sick?'' 

''what do you mean?''

He shrugs ''I mean, like mentally sick. Depression, anxiety, he could be bipolar.'' 

Depression?

I don't know if he is depressed. I have never met anyone that is depressed. How do you know when someone is depressed? 

I grab my phone and google search the question in my head. 

Ten common signs to know if someone is depressed. I open the link and the list pops up. Jack leans over to see what I am reading. ''You can't tell from google man. you should ask him.''

I can't ask him. 

I go to the first sign. Aloofness. When someone is depressed, they are often reluctant to be in the company of others. I think of moments I ask him to hang out with me and Jack. Go to parties. We always end up being alone at parties. We don't mingle. He avoids everyone. 

I continue reading. Symptoms of aloofness—few or no friends. 

''Dude, he has no friends,'' I point to that and jack laughs ''Google will show you what you want to see. He is not depressed man.'' 

I don't know why he is pushing me off this when he is the one that put it in my head in the first place. I continue with the second sign. 

''Increased alcohol or drug use,'' I exclaim because everything seems so relatable. 

Maybe this is just google being google but I have to believe that something is wrong with him. 

''Mood swings, changes in appetite and tiredness. He stayed in bed for two days man. I am fucking worried now.'' 

''Now you are just listing these things. Stop being a drama queen and talk to your man if you are having any grievances,'' he goes back to my phone and I look at Ford as someone passes the ball to him and he shoots into the net. 

Ford looks up at me and I blush ''Handsome isn't he,'' I jolt from the surprise turning around to see Lisa seated at the back of us. 

She is seated with a group of girls and I didn't even notice her. Fuck. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she is dressed in her cheerleaders' uniform. ''I thought it was you,'' she smiles. 

I groan internally because I am not ready for her drama.