Chapter 68 - The Truth.

Ford. 

Its been a couple of hours. 

I have been waiting for him in front of the apartment building, hopeful that he would arrive any moment. 

I tried calling him again, his number is off now. 

Fucking hell, I am panicking. Worried out of my mind that something has happened to him. that is how my head works. I think the fucking worst all the time. 

''You can't keep sitting outside like this,'' Jack walks over to me and sits down on the cold concrete ground next to me.

I look at him ''He is pissed,'' it is not a question. 

It is an assumption. 

What other reason would he be acting out like this. he has never gone radio silent on me. I get that he is upset, I know how Lisa can be, but he should've talked to me first.

''I don't think he is. He didn't seem pissed to me. He probably just needs some space.''

I sigh ''Why won't he just call me back and tell me that?''

He shrugs ''It's just been a couple of hours. He will come home soon enough.'' 

I nod ''I'll wait here until he does.''

I am not leaving. I need to see him, talk to him. Assure him that Lisa is a bitch and whatever she told him is a lie. 

''You should wait inside. It is getting pretty cold.'' 

''I am fine,'' I assure him. 

Jack sighs loudly and stands up patting my shoulder lightly ''Do you need anything?'' 

I shake my head as he walks back into the entrance. I look ahead as cars pass by the road. I just want to see him, hold him in my arms. I need him, can't lose him when I just got him. 

I rest my head on my legs as I try to calm all the emotions that are taking over me. Try to contain the pain my heart feels. This is how it starts, and then before I know what happens, the demons resurface and take over. 

I hear a loud rev of an engine and this makes me look up. The first thing I notice as the motorcycle stops are his hands around the rider. I get up from the ground as I wait for him to get closer. Lance jumps off the bike and takes off the helmet. His eyes find mine at once. Regret filled and sad.

I don't think he was expecting me here. 

He looks guilty. 

Like he was caught doing something wrong. 

I am still dressed in my basketball uniform. I am so sure I stink from all the sweating on the court. Coach will have my head tomorrow for ditching, but I don't care about that right now. All I care about is him, making sure he is okay. Making sure he doesn't hate me. 

''Ford,'' he moves closer to me, his eyes searching for a sign. 

''I am sorry,'' I apologise. I don't want to say or do the wrong things today. I just want him in my arms. 

''For what?'' he furrows his brows. 

Patrick is at the back of him. almost hesitant to come closer, I look at him as he finally decides to walk up to us ''Hey,'' he greets me. 

''Can I just have a fucking minute with my boyfriend,'' I attack him because I have to take out my anger on someone. I don't understand why he keeps lingering. There is no way I will ever give him the chance. 

Lance is mine. 

''Fuck, sorry. I'll see you later man,'' he says and walks away from us. 

Lance raises a brow ''What was that for?'' he questions. 

''You said you had an assignment with Jack. Why are you with him?'' I demand, at this point, I am deflecting. 

''So, you're stalking me now?'' 

''I called you. Your number was off. You just left me with no fucking word. How is making sure my boyfriend is okay, stalking?''

''My battery died. Look I don't even have the energy for this argument. Can we just talk about it tomorrow?'' he brushes past me to the direction of the door. 

Shit. 

This is not how I planned it. I didn't want a fight. I wanted to explain things to him. Patrick and his fucking motorcycle messed things up. I grab his arm to stop him from leaving me. 

''Wait,'' I plead. 

He sighs but stops walking. 

I walk over to him, to face him. he looks at me, with concern in his eyes ''Lisa said some things to you today. I know that is why you left.'' 

He opens his eyes wide from shock, I continue ''What exactly did she say to you. We need to talk about it.''

He rolls his eyes ''What are you keeping from me?'' 

A lot. 

''There are some things I haven't told you. Things I have been scared to. I want to be honest with you.''

''What is stopping you?'' 

I let go of his arm and run my hands through my hair. This is not the best place to talk about this. ''Can we go inside?'' I plead. I don't want him to shut me out right now, I need him more than ever. 

''Sure.''

We get to his apartment and he closes the door ''You want to have a shower. You're still in your gym clothes.'' 

I shake my head ''I want to talk. I need to clear things up.'' 

He manages a smile and walks over to me. he grabs my hands in his and squeezes it assuring ''We will talk. Have a shower. I will bring out clean clothes for you.'' 

I take a deep breath because I need to listen to him. I want things between us to be okay. I need them to be okay. He leads me to the bathroom and I hurriedly take off my clothes as he closes the door. The hot water soothes me as I think about what I plan to tell him today. do I tell him everything?

Is Lance ready to know everything?

He is the most supportive person in my life but at the end of the day, he is still human. He will still have the same reactions to the things I have kept hidden. The only thing I am sure about is that keeping all this from him is only going to make me lose him. 

After my shower, I wrap one of his towels around my waist and walk out of the bathroom. He is seated on the couch in the living room. His phone connected to an outlet socket. 

I walk over to the couch and sit down next to him ''Are you sick?'' he asks once I am seated. 

He is going straight to the point. 

''I am not sick.'' 

He looks away from me, my eyes swat to his hands. He is picking at his nails ''Something is wrong with you… what is it?''

''I didn't want it to define us… that is why I didn't mention it.''

He shakes his head, glaring at me ''I don't need any fucking excuse anymore. Just tell me the truth.''

He is not giving me room to gather my thoughts. 

I have no choice. 

''I am bipolar.'' 

I breathe those words out. The truth I have tried to shelter him from. I didn't want him to look at me and see someone that is broken. Someone that can't do things without reacting. I didn't want to be known as the guy that is out of their mind. 

The expression on his face is disheartening. 

Tears well up in his eyes from my honesty. I don't know if he suddenly feels pity, regret or just sadness. I can't read his mind at this moment. I don't know what he is thinking. I stand up from the couch and get on my knees in front of him. 

I want him to look me in the eyes, I want to know how he feels about the most terrifying part of me. 

''I don't know how it works; I don't know what it is.'' He cries suddenly wiping the tears from his face. 

I reach for him, slowly brushing my fingers on his face, to help clean the tears from his face. ''Fuck, how didn't I see it? I have been so selfish.'' At this point, he is crying uncontrollably. 

He is blaming himself. 

This is not his fault. There is no way he could've known. I kept it from him; it is all my fault. 

''Stop, this is not your fault.'' 

He looks at me with wet eyes ''You've been shouldering all this on your own and I have been thinking about my fucking self. I am so sorry.'' 

He reaches for me swiftly and wraps his arms around me for a hug. I don't know who needs comforting more but the fact that he is in my arms is all I wanted. This is how I wanted to the night to end. Right now, we have a lot more to talk about but as long as I have him. 

I can overcome anything.