Chapter 70 - Drink Alone With Me.

Patrick. 

The sound of my alarm on my phone rings so loudly that I jump up from my bed in a hurry to shut it off. Looking at the time, I see it is five o'clock. 

Shit. 

Why did I even set it so early?

I have only had about two hours of sleep. 

I sit up on the bed and rub my eyes in an attempt to wipe the sleep from it. oh, I remember now, I have a meeting with an artist for seven and it is an hour and a half drive to get to him. 

Last night was like a wake-up call. I need to remind myself that Lance has a boyfriend. I see him and somehow, I forget that he is taken. I try to impress him, in hopes that he will eventually feel the same way about me. 

I don't even know how I feel about him. I like him, I like talking to him. Does that mean I am in love with him?

I don't even know. 

I saw the look on his face, the day I told him that I liked him. there was regret and maybe dread in his eyes. He didn't want that revelation; he doesn't see me in that light. 

He just wants me as a friend and that is what I have been trying to be with him. it is very hard for me, to act like I am okay with being just friends with him when I long for more. 

I walk into my bathroom and there are dark circles around my eyes. My hair seems to be growing longer—I need to cut it. I finally got some sleep last night after seeing him. Whenever we meet up, we talk about him. I don't mind talking about his relationship with Ford. I like to be of use to him and giving him advice is all I can do. 

The first day I saw him on the roof, I knew that he was someone I would like to be around. There is just this aura around him, it pulls me into his orbit and I never want to leave. 

I never even knew I was gay until him. 

There have been times my father would call me a faggot. So many times, he would say there was something not right with me. I just thought he was being his usual self but maybe he saw this before I even knew it. 

He must've. 

I have a quick shower and get dressed in less than thirty minutes. The sun is already out outside, which hides the fact that it is still so early. I am pretty sure Lance will still be asleep. 

I walk out the front door of my apartment and down the stairs. Everywhere is quiet, people seem to be asleep. Once in front of my bike that I parked last night, I grab my helmet from the seat and strap it on. 

''If it isn't Mr steal your man.''

I look up and Jack has a smirk on his face. he is dressed in shorts and a sleeveless shirt with running shoes. His ginger hair is brushed neatly on his head. He is awake so early ''I see you never get tired of your jokes.''

''Not a joke mister. I know what you did last night.''

I furrow my brows, smiling through our conversation. I am used to him and his accusations. He seems to think that I want to steal his best friend away from Ford and at this point, I don't even know my intentions anymore. 

I will take his insults as a wake-up call. A warning to let me know my place. ''Oh, please enlighten me on what I did.''

He laughs and fastens the phone pouch around his arm. There are Airpods in his ear. 

''Why do you always feel the need to be Lance's knight in shining armour.''

''When did I do that?'' 

He nudges me gently, ''Come on dude. You are always there to pick him up when he is miserable. You look for those moments to swoop in.''

''I am his friend. That is what friends do.''

He laughs. I mean the most irritating sound I have ever heard from him. there is this mocking tone—I don't like it. 

''You don't want to be his friend. I see it, that fucking lust in your eyes when you watch him. you need to stop kidding yourself.''

''I am not gay,'' I deny it immediately, even though I am not so sure anymore. 

''Dude, you are gay for Lance. I know that much.''

I sigh ''I am late for something, I gotta go.

I get on my motorcycle and turn the ignition on ''Just stop with the act and leave my best friend alone,'' he warns me before walking in the opposite direction.

A  tiny part of me knows that he is right. I have to take a step back because the only person that is hurting is me. 

Lance is head over heels in love with Ford. He doesn't even see me that way and I don't even want to be a second choice. I want someone that will want me and me alone. That person is not Lance and I need to get that into my head. 

**********************

After my meeting and another day at work, I think of where to go for dinner. Jack's words have been stuck in my head all day. Totally ruined my whole mood. It's not like I have the best mood. I am actually not the best person to be around most times, but I at least try. 

''You okay?'' Adina asks me, probably the only one that noticed anything. 

I manage a faint smile ''I am okay. Just a little tired. Didn't get much sleep last night.''

She nods ''Yesterday was intense. You fucking sold out,'' she exclaims. 

The fact that my work sold out means I won't have to worry about money for a while. I can take it easy with work for a while. That's not why I didn't sleep but I don't tell her that. 

''You need to start working on new stuff while you're still hot. Make a name for yourself in the market.'' 

''I know. I have some ideas. I won't let you down.'' 

She places her hand on my shoulder with a warm smile that makes me feel better ''I knew you were special the first day I saw you. Don't ever think less of yourself.''

''Thanks, Deens,'' I call her by the name I usually do. 

''You wanna spend the night with me and Michael?'' she asks. 

Michael is her husband. 

''Nah, I want to go home and crash.'' 

She chuckles and walks away from me with one last pat on the back. I get my things and head to my bike. I haven't seen Lance since last night. It has been agreed that I will try to give him some space. Maybe enough time to actually get over him. 

I park my bike in front of the apartment building. I decide to take a walk to a mini-mart close to the apartment for the sole purpose of getting alcohol. I need to get drunk, that is the only way I will pass out tonight and God knows I need to sleep properly. 

I grab a basket and start to fill it up with snacks and the pack of beer. I fill up the basket with things I need. Slowly looking up, in front of the fridge, I see Jack as he picks a bottle and quietly examines it. 

Fuck, I should just go the other way to avoid him. Seeing him twice in one day is too much punishment. 

I walk around to the other aisle and hurriedly go to the counter to pay for my stuff. This is what it has come to, avoid the motherfucker for as long as I can. The fact that he can see right through me is scary. I don't like that he figured it out before I even knew. 

''I would think you were following me if I was Lance.'' 

I freeze because I got caught. 

Shit. 

I turn around and there is a wide smile on his face, almost like he is amused by my reaction. I hurriedly pay for my stuff because I don't have the energy for Jack right now. 

''Come on man,'' he says as I head for the door. He drops the packet of Doritos on the counter and follows me out ''I was just messing around earlier.''

I stop walking in front of the store ''I don't care, look I have decided that you are right. I will stay away from Lance if that will make you feel better.'' 

He raises a brow ''This isn't about me. I was just trying to help you.''

I scoff at his ridiculousness ''Help me by insulting me?'' 

''That wasn't my intention. Look why don't we start afresh. I see you plan to drink alone tonight. Let me join you… as a truce?''

''No, I am fine alone.''

He sighs ''Come on… I promise to be nice.'' 

I don't know how I feel about this. jack is not the best person for me now and the fact that he wants to drink with me could end up chaotic. I am not in the mood for chaos in my life. 

''Please, it'll be an excuse not to go home right now,'' he bats his lashes at me and I notice how long they are. He has beautiful eyes. 

Shit, what am I even thinking? 

''Sure.''