Chapter 71 - I Don't Want To Be Alone.

Patrick. 

My alarm rings loudly for the second time in a row. 

''Fuck,'' I jump up from my bed to shut it off. My phone falls from the table beside my bed in my attempt ''Shit,'' I grumble as I pull the covers off me to get the phone quiet. 

Once the alarm is off, I walk out of my bedroom and go straight to the bathroom. My reflection is even worse than yesterday. 

What the hell happened last night?

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I walk back to my room. There is someone on the other side of my bed. The covers are over their face so I can't make out who it is. Slowly, I walk over to the bed in an attempt to see who it is. I remember being with jack last night. This has to be him right?

The person turns around slowly, still deeply asleep and I get a view of his face. 

Fucking hell. 

Last night.

I lead jack into my apartment, and he walks in quietly. I don't know what kind of company he would be; this is someone that doesn't even like me. don't get me wrong, I don't like him either. 

I don't even think this is a good idea. 

''I didn't tell you the last time I was here, your place is rad.'' He comments. 

I raise a brow as I drop the bag of stuff on the counter ''Rad?'' I ask him unsure of what he means. 

He nods ''I would think I was somewhere else If I didn't live in this building. The interior is quite neat.'' 

I am taking this as a compliment but it is confusing because Jack has never complimented me since we met. I don't even know how to act around him. what to say? 

''Thanks?'' 

He laughs and jumps on the couch in the middle of the living room. He picks up the remote control from the table and looks at me ''Can I watch tv?'' he asks nervously. 

''Make yourself at home,'' I walk to the small door that leads to the kitchen. I grab to cups and the only bottle of Vodka I have from a cabinet. He did say we needed to get drunk. 

Walking back to him, I see him sprawled on the couch with his shoes on the carpet next to him, his feet up on the table. His eyes are glued to the tv as I grab the pack of beer from the bag on the dining table and drop all the things next to his feet. 

''We don't need cups for beer,'' he says not noticing the vodka. 

''I have a mix that I want you to try,'' I tell him with a smile. 

''Uh… okay.'' 

I place the cups next to each other and pour a sufficient quantity from the bottle into both glasses. Jack watches me with curiosity in his eyes. I don't even understand why I am entertaining him—especially since the way he has treated me all this while. Maybe it is because I am lonely, and I don't want to feel so alone tonight. 

''Hmm… beer and vodka, I see.''

I fill up the rest of his glass with the beer and he grabs it. he places the cup In between his lips, and I watch him take a gulp of the mix.

I hold my breath as I wait for him to tell me what he thinks, somehow, I want him to like it. 

I don't know what this is. 

''Fucking weird but it works.'' He smiles and I notice how white his teeth are with perfect proportions. 

I turn to the tv because I realise, I am staring at him ''What are you watching?'' I ask him. 

He shrugs ''The first thing I saw on Netflix,'' he answers taking another sip of his drink. 

I grab my glass and hold unto it unsure of what to do or say. This is the most awkward I have ever felt. I don't even have anything to talk to him about. Unlike Lance, things are weird between us. 

''You don't have to be so quiet,'' he points out. 

''I don't know what to say,'' I tell him honestly. 

He laughs ''This is awkward, right?'' 

I nod in agreement. ''Very.''

''Do you want me to leave?''

I shake my head ''No, I don't actually want to be alone tonight. You can stay.'' That is me baring out my soul in this moment of weakness. 

''Me neither, my dad is home tonight.'' 

There is more to that statement, but I don't want to push him to tell me anything he doesn't want to. We are not friends and I don't think we ever will. 

''He is fucking high on god knows what,'' he continues even though I don't push. I don't look at him, my eyes stay fixed to the tv as he tells me more ''I actually prefer being alone. That man is the devil himself.'' 

When I look at Jack, I don't see someone that has demons. He is always happy. There is always a smile on his face. he is the kind of person that is the life of the party. The fact that he chose to come and spend the night at my house even though he actually hates me, just shows how much he doesn't want to be home. 

''I can't wait to be old enough to live on my own.'' He blurts out and this time I look at him because I want to see his face ''You must think I am being irrational.'' 

I shake my head ''Not at all.''

He grins and raises his glass up in the air ''To dead beat dads.'' I clink my glass with him and we gulp down our drinks at once. I pour more into our glasses.

''You know you can actually leave the situation,'' I tell him.

''How do I do that?'' he watches me almost like he is eager for my answer. 

''Just pack a bag and skip town. Never look back.'' 

''Is that what you did?'' 

Oh, now we are talking about me. Do I tell him the truth, or evade his question and talk about something else? Talking about my past hits a spot in my heart, that I am still unable to face. 

I don't know if I can right now, even though I am getting tipsy. 

''Yes, that was the best decision I ever made in my life.''

He sighs ''You know it's not that easy, especially if you have people in your life that you never want to leave.''

I know he is talking about Lance. He doesn't want to leave his best friend. I didn't have a best friend like Lance. I had nobody at home, so leaving was easy for me. I didn't even look back and I had no regrets. 

''Do you feel like you can endure it until you are old enough to leave?'' 

He shrugs ''I don't know man, some days its good when he is not home but other days, he suffocates me.''

''Do you have an escape?'' 

He furrows his brows ''What do you mean?'' 

''My escape was art. I used to draw my emotions away. What is yours?'' I ask him because now I am invested in this conversation. 

''I am not talented. Don't have anything as you did. Lance is the only escape I have.'' 

Wow. 

I don't tell him that putting all his hope on another person is not the best idea. He needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life. he needs to learn to be on his own. 

''You have to find an escape.''

He finishes the content in his cup, and I watch him, suddenly seeing him in another light. He is not the bad guy I played him out to be. There is good in him, the kind I can relate to.

Who would've thought? 

''Are you gay?'' he asks me unexpectedly. 

I don't know how to answer that because I don't even know if I am gay. His eyes shine in the room, a goofy smile on his face. oh, he is drunk now. I can feel the alcohol as it kicks into my system. 

''I don't know if I am.''

He nods ''But you like Lance… right?'' 

There we go. 

The question he wants me to admit to. I like his best friend and he has been right all along. 

''I don't know,'' my answer is semi-honest. I can't tell him because I don't trust him. this is the same person that thinks I am out to steal someone's man. 

''Lance will never love you back,'' he declares like I don't already know. 

''I know.''

He nods ''You should give up on him,'' his tone is firm. It fucking stings to hear this from him. 

I jolt up from the couch and he watches me ''You should leave. I am done with this conversation.'' 

He smiles and stands up from the couch, dropping the cup on the table ''Thanks for keeping me company,'' he winks as he heads for the door, staggering on his way out. 

I follow him as he opens the door, his hand on the knob ''We can forget this night happened,'' he slurs his words with that same goofy smile on his face. 

''Okay,'' I agree. 

I watch him as he tries to walk out of my apartment, swiftly he trips on his way out and I can't help but grab him by his waist. He freezes in my arms as I watch him, confused and unsure of what to do next. 

''I don't want to go,'' he confesses. 

I don't want to be alone. 

Slowly he leans forward, still in my arms and I feel his lips as they press against mine for a kiss. Completely and utterly shocked at the moment. 

Oh shit.