Chapter 76 - Truce?

Jack. 

Shit. 

Lance is being a major douchebag. 

Why is he suddenly interested in having dinner with Patrick? He is fishing for information. I know that much. So much for saying I won't have any reason to see him again. I don't want to give Lance a chance alone with Patrick for fear that my cover will be blown. 

I have no plans of ever telling Lance. this is not something I want to even discuss. I am not going to take this as something normal. I am not gay. I have never been attracted to guys. I was vulnerable last night; he saw me at my weakness and that's what happened. I don't think about him in that light. I don't want to fuck him again.

I pace back and forth the hallway because Lance will come looking for me. He is a very stubborn person and he always gets what he wants and what he wants is to find the underlying cause of our issues. I stop in front of Patrick's front door and take steady breaths. I said hurtful words to him earlier, will he even accommodate me right now?

If I don't invite him, Lance will. I need to beg him not to say anything. I can't have him messing everything up. 

I knock on the door and wait for him, practising what I will say in my head, thinking up scenarios. I know I have to apologise to him. that has to be the first thing I say when he opens the door. That is the only way he will even talk to me. I run my hands through my hair because this is frustrating to me. I don't want to have to deal with this. I already have enough on my plate and now I have to add this. 

The door opens and he frowns when he realises it is me. he doesn't say a word as he bangs the door on my face. I stand there, frozen in shock. Yes, I deserved that. I know I did. 

I knock the door again. 

He doesn't answer. 

I bang it even louder after a couple of seconds. I am going to keep banging on his door until he opens the door. His face comes into view again and the frown has turned into an angry expression. 

''What the fuck do you want?'' he yells so loud I take a step back from fear of getting hit. 

Raising my hands in the air, as my way of saying 'I come in peace.' He sighs still frowning ''Look, you were right. We have nothing to talk about. Last night was a mistake, so let's leave it as that.'' 

I nod in agreement, glad that he is on the same page as me. yes, last night was a mistake and the sooner we start acting like it never happened, the better things will be for us. It should be wiped out of our memories. 

''I know. I am sorry for the way I spoke downstairs. You didn't deserve that, I guess I just panicked.'' 

He scoffs. 

I furrow my brows because I am confused. 

''What's funny?''

He shrugs ''It seems more like you gay panicked.''

''What does that even mean?''

''It means you were scared that Lance will find out that you like sucking dick. You bat for the other team.''

That's not why I panicked. 

I am not afraid to be gay. 

''That's not true and besides, there was no dick sucking last night.''

He laughs again, suddenly finding amusement in this conversation. I wish he'd go back to being angry, instead of making fun of me. 

''So you actually remember?'' he points out. 

Shit. 

''Your best friend is gay. What would happen if he finds out about last night?'' he asks me. 

Lance would not have a problem with it. Lance is the only person that would accept me. He is the kind of friend that would help me hide a body rather than calling the cops on me. this is not even about Lance. 

All those years, my father has called me a faggot. Said I and Lance were suspicious, and we were probably fucking. He beat me up a couple of times to wipe the faggotry out of me. I didn't even think I was gay. I was just close to a guy and he treated me like that.

What would he do if he finds out that he was right all along?

''This is not about Lance. I don't have any problems being gay. Just mind your fucking business,'' I shout frustratedly.

He opens his eyes wide ''Yeah, that's what I did before you came here. I will go back to minding my business,'' he tries to close the door, but I grab the door before he can succeed. 

''Wait,'' I plead. 

He sighs ''Can this conversation just end. Don't worry. I will never mention what happened last night. You are free.''

I feel a weight being lifted off my chest at his words. I fully believe him when he says that. Patrick is a very honest person. He wouldn't lie to me. he just wouldn't. 

''Thank you,'' I sing gratefully. 

He nods ''So can we just go back to being enemies. You don't have to worry about Lance anymore. I will give him space.''

I shake my head. lance will suspect if he starts avoiding him. this cannot be because of me—especially since Lance seems to fancy the guy. 

''You can't give him space. You are his friend. He will suspect something.'' 

''What exactly do you want from me. I can't catch a break with you. Whatever I do seems to be a problem.''

I sigh ''Can we just go back to the way things were? You being Lance's friend and nothing to me?''

''I don't think I can.''

I furrow my brows ''Why not?'' 

He shrugs ''I might act as nothing happened between us but I can't forget about it. I am not good at lying and pretending. I am sorry.'' 

He can't forget it too.

Shit. 

''So, you're going to avoid Lance forever?''

He nods. 

''It's for the best.''

I shake my head ''I don't think it is. This is all my fault. Shit, I ruined things between the two of you.''

''It's not your fault, this was eventually going to happen. You were right all along. I have feelings for him, and it is eating me up. Watching him being happy. I can't deal with it. So, I have to take a step back. Last night was just a wake-up call.'' 

''You said it doesn't have anything to do with me. why bring up last night again?'' 

''I am sorry. Look we were both drunk last night. People do stupid things when they are drunk. We take it as a mistake. Just the way you wanted. You might not even be gay.''

You might not even be gay?

That just sounds like there is a probability that I am gay. Having sex with a guy is not a mistake. This is all insane to me because I know that it only means one thing. I have always been fluid. I don't put labels on things. I don't care about the gender of a person, but I have never seen a guy before and thought 'Hey, you are fuckable.' Now I look at Patrick and his buzz cut and the tattoos on his arms, and it looks sexy to me. 

I would fuck him again. 

Sober. 

Shit.

''Can you start avoiding him tomorrow?'' I ask him desperate to be out of here and away from him. 

He furrows his brows. 

''He sent me to invite you for dinner.''

He shakes his head immediately ''Tell him I already ate or something. I can't do this tonight.'' 

''He already suspects something happened between us. You need to show him that things are fine,'' I grab his hands quickly and add ''Please.''

His eyes dart to my hands on his own, which makes me retract them fast. My eyes stay fixed on him because I need him to do me this solid. I need him to help me deceive my best friend. 

''I will try to be quiet all through. I won't say anything.'' 

He rolls his eyes ''Won't he be more suspicious if you are not yourself?'' 

He has a point. 

''Fine, I will be my usual self.''

''You forgot to add annoying.'' He comments which makes me hit his shoulder playfully. 

''Does that mean you will show up?'' 

He nods with a defeated expression plastered on his face. for the first time since I met this guy, I actually feel like we can be friends. He has a forgiving spirit, and I can only get along with people like that because I am annoying as fuck—like he said. 

''Should I wait for you?'' 

He shakes his head ''Nah, give me a couple of minutes. I gave some work calls to make.'' 

I nod and he goes back into his apartment. I walk back to Lance's apartment and he looks up from what he is doing in the kitchen.

''Well?''

I release a sigh of relief ''He will be here in a couple of minutes.''

I just hope nothing happens because I cannot handle any more surprises.. I have had enough to last me a lifetime.