Chapter 79 - I Want To Get To Know You.

Jack. 

''You know he was acting weird all through the dinner.''

I look up from the game and he shrugs. I don't know what he wants me to say. He is not getting the truth from me. 

''I don't know. He said he had a work thing… maybe work stress.''

He shakes his head and drops the gamepad on the table. ''Patrick seemed to want to leave. Can you just tell me what you said to him? help me understand why he seems more hurt than usual.''

Why does he care so much?

He just met this guy and now he is acting like they have been best friends all their lives. So what if he is hurt. How is that any concern of his? 

''Why are you so bothered by him. you need to give him some space. It doesn't look good when you are all worried about somebody that is not your boyfriend.''

He frowns ''What are you saying?''

''It looks weird. You have a boyfriend, and you are acting as if the world revolves around Patrick. What exactly are your intentions?''

I know he is not interested in Patrick, but I just need him to understand that he needs to tone it down. he can't keep holding unto the guy especially now that I have confirmed that he has feelings for him. Patrick needs to grasp the situation. The fact that he will never get Lance. Lance needs to stop being clingy towards him, leading him on. 

''You know he is just a friend.''

I nod ''But he seems to think he has a chance with you.'' 

He raises a brow ''Did he tell you that?''

I shake my head ''Not in those exact words. The guy is crushing hard on you, and you being all overbearing is not helping him. showing him that you care and are interested in his life won't make him stop.''

''So, you're saying everyone I care about thinks I love them.''

I roll my eyes ''Come on, your list is very short. You don't actually care about anyone.'' 

He scoffs ''You're being mean. You know that. something is bugging you and you don't want to talk to me about it.'' 

''I am fine. I told you before. You need to start learning to trust me.''

We go back to playing out game after my denial. Lance knows that something is wrong. He is my best friend. I would have been suspicious if he didn't sense something. The moment I tell him about Patrick, it becomes real and I don't want it to be real.

I want to stay in this denial stage where I can ignore everything. Patrick is a great guy, but he is not even the kind of person I see myself with. I don't want to get entangled with him. 

I just came out of a relationship with someone I thought was the one. I thought I had finally found someone, but things didn't work with us.

I just need to focus on school until I can get out of this town and that man. Avoiding him is the only thing I can do. Whenever he is home, I keep my distance. 

We go to bed around one A.M. sleep doesn't come to me, I try so hard but no matter how hard I try, I just can't sleep. Now Patrick is giving me insomnia. He is making me think about him. I don't want thoughts of him to be stuck in my mind, but I can't help myself. The look he kept giving me all evening. He had a smile on his face, even though I knew he was far from happy. I have been a major jerk to him, and he still came through for me even though I didn't deserve him. I want to thank him, maybe with drinks on me to something but I remember he said he was going to give us some space to get over everything. I walk out of Lance's mothers' room that he turned into a spare for me and go to the couch in the living room. 

The only thing this living room reminds me of is him. now when I close my eyes, I remember him seated on this couch. I remember his arms around my waist as I kiss him. 

''Fuck,'' I exclaim as I run my hands through my hair from the frustration of it all. 

It is just three in the morning. I want the time to pass quickly, because the slower it goes, the more I think of him. I want to stop thinking about him. I want the morning to come, so I can let go of all these thoughts in the quiet of the night. 

I lie down on the couch facing the roof. My eyes stay open for God knows how long; I never stop checking the clock. Maybe if I go for my morning run, I can clear my head. Jogging always helps me. it is the one stress reliever I can count on. In just a couple of minutes, I will be able to do that. 

I look at the clock on the wall, it is almost 5:30. 

I usually go by 5:30. 

The doorbell rings suddenly which makes me sit up in confusion. I don't know what I am expecting but a part of me wishes it is him. maybe he left something here last night. 

I look around the living room, for a phone or maybe his wallet. I mean there is no way he would just stop by at the crack of dawn unless he forgot something important. 

The bell rings again, this time I get up from the couch and run to the door. I grab the doorknob my hand lingering on it longer than I should. with my free hand, I brush my hair with my fingers. I don't know why I suddenly care about my appearance. 

I open the door and my hopes quickly wash away when I see the person on the other side of the door.

''What are you doing here?'' 

Ford smiles brightly. He is dressed in his uniform. It is five in the freaking morning. Did he just decide to drive here in the crack of dawn? 

''I wanted to surprise him,'' he announces like I will appreciate his efforts for Lance.

I don't want to say this because of his disorder but this guy is crazy. Okay, maybe he is crazy in love. I mean it has just been a couple of hours since he last saw the guy. Is he telling me that he couldn't even last a couple of hours? 

Suddenly I hate love. 

''Is he sleeping?'' 

I roll my eyes ''It is five in the morning, of course, he is sleeping.'' 

He enters the house and I close the door. Lance is a deep sleeper so there is no way he can hear this conversation even though we are not even trying to be quiet. 

''Well, enjoy yourself with your boyfriend. I am out for a run,'' there is a lot of disappointment in my voice and attitude. I am going to deny this reaction the same way I have been denying everything with Patrick. The fact that I wished he was the one at the door, me wanting to see him, I will fucking deny it all till I die. 

I walk out of the house and go to my own apartment. In hopes that I don't bump into my father. 

The living room is empty, but I can hear the tv in his room, the light seeping through the door. He probably passed out watching tv. I quietly walk into my room and change into my running clothes. I grab the Airpods and put them in my ears. I get out of the apartment hurriedly and down the stairs. The fresh air hits me at once and I already start to feel better.

This is what I need, I need this to forget it all. 

Forget him. 

I run for an hour already feeling exhausted. I go back to the apartment building and Patrick is seated by the steps. His head is faced down on his knees with his arms over it. a part of me wants to escape this situation. Runaway and act like I didn't see him. I mean he hasn't seen me yet, so he will never know that I saw him. 

The stronger part of me that has been longing to see him wants me to sit down next to him. I want to thank him for earlier. I at least owe him that much. I listen to that part of my brain and the moment I sit down next to him, he looks up at me. 

His eyes open wide, almost like he wasn't expecting it to be me. I manage a smile, the kind of smile that I would give to a puppy, or maybe a baby. 

''Hi,'' I mutter still smiling. 

He inhales softly and I wait for him to respond. His eyes bore into mine and for the first time, I notice another scar on his neck. This one is not as obvious as the one on his eye. It is a dark purple. 

I feel like his external scars are small compared to the ones he has on the inside. For the first time since I met him, I want to get to know him. 

Shit.