Chapter 88 - The Turn Off

Jack.

I have been trying to distract myself from being too close to him all night. there has been some silent convincing. I keep telling myself that there cannot be a repeat of that night. 

I haven't had too much alcohol, I want to stay in my right state of mind. The minute I lose control, things will go haywire. That is why I am on the dancefloor of this club, groping his girl. She is a good distraction and even though I steal glances at him every second, I don't think about the things I want to do to him. 

''So, do you want to get out of here?'' Pearl, the girl I have been dancing with all night asks. My eyes dart to Jack and now he is not alone anymore. He seems to be having a conversation with some guy that is seated next to him on a stool. I was supposed to be his wingman—you know, set him up with someone but I even failed at that.

The minute we got to the club, I left him with the guise that I wanted to dance and since I knew he wouldn't want to, I was able to escape. The conversation we had got to me. I kept thinking about it on the way here. 

The fact that we had sex that night, there could be a reoccurrence if we continue hanging out together and it is not like I don't want to hang out with him because I do, I just don't want us to have an awkward situation again. I tend to ruin relationships. Just like my relationship with Camilla. I don't really talk about it a lot because I don't like to admit that it was all my fault but it was. 

Camilla was perfect and I actually felt the love from her. She wanted to get closer to me. she wanted to get to know everything about me. my past, my family, she wanted to meet Lance and it is not that I didn't want her too. I was just so scared that she would judge me. judge everything about my life. so I pushed her away like I usually do and things didn't turn out well with us. 

No matter how much someone cares if you don't reciprocate that they will walk away. No one is indispensable, and Camilla showed that to me. she couldn't handle me and all my insecurities and I feel like that is the same thing that will happen with Patrick. I don't want to push him away because I have this feeling that he could be someone really important to me but as usual, I don't think and I fucking act up. 

Right now, I don't like what I am seeing. I don't like that he has found interest in someone. No matter who that person is. This guy doesn't look all that. I watch them as Pearl slides her hand on my chest seductively. I know what she is doing, she wants me to go home with her. Yeah, that is usually what happens in these situations but can I really leave Patrick. At first, I thought he would be a downer in this but he seems to have caught the attention of someone and I don't like it. how am I supposed to watch him hook up with other people when I can't even stand him talking to someone else. 

Is this jealousy? 

I pull away from her ''Not today,'' I shake my head as the music blares loudly. I need to go and stop whatever is going on with them. 

I don't want him to go home with that guy. 

This is just our first hang out. 

I am not ready yet. 

''At least can I get your number?'' she brings her phone out of her tiny purse slung over her shoulder and passes it to me. 

I look at the iPhone unsure if I want to actually give her my number. Pearl is very beautiful. On a normal day, I would be all over her, but Patrick seems to have all my attention, even though I wish he didn't. 

''Sure,'' I grab the phone from her and save my number. 

I decide to go back to Trick leaving Pearl on the dancefloor, somehow walking up to him makes me feel like he is upset. Is he upset that I interrupted him and that guy? 

Now he wants to leave. I don't want him to leave, at least we should leave together. I have to make it seem like I am glad that he was hitting it off with that guy. Pretend like I don't care about it even though it is all I could think about watching him. 

I suggest looking for someone else for him, anything to keep him here with me but he is not having it. I don't know what to do. he seems to be pissed at something. I can't read his mind, he needs to tell me what is wrong for me to understand. 

The moment that guy comes up to him again and asks him for a drink. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. I don't like this man. Hell, I hate him so much and I don't even know him. 

Is this what jealousy feels like. 

''Sure,'' Patrick agrees to the drink with him. ''You don't mind right?'' he asks me as he manages a faint smile. 

He wanted to leave a second ago, why is he suddenly agreeing to stay. I wish he'd want to leave again. 

''Go ahead,'' I nudge him back with a fake smile. 

I can't suddenly be the downer. He was probably pissed earlier because I interrupted him. maybe he is really hitting it off with the guy and who am I to try to stop that. they leave and I look around, unsure of what to do. i am not even feeling this place anymore. My eyes find Pearl, she is in a booth with her friends. The people I saw her come with. She looks up suddenly and a smile sprawls up to her face. maybe this will be a good distraction. I mean, it is for the best. I shouldn't even be getting angry at the fact that he met someone. That is the main reason for all this. 

I give her the look, the one that is inviting. I never need anyone to help me pick up girls. Saying I want Trick as a wingman was just an excuse to spend time with him. I don't need him and it shows as she whispers something into her friend's ear and stands up, slowly walking over to me. 

I take slow strides towards her. The smile on her face is wide, the kind that is eager and inviting. If this was another day, I would be the happiest man on earth. She is so interested in me; she wants me and all I feel is the twinge in my chest from the pain of seeing Trick walk away from me with that guy. 

I want her to help me forget. 

I need to forget. 

''My place is a walk away from here,'' she suggests as she stops in front of me. I grab her hand slowly pulling her closer to me. 

I don't mind an escape right now. 

''Let's do it.''

*****************

I push her through the front door, grabbing her waist and pulling it towards mine. Her lips smash into mine. The mood is set and ready. This is what I want. I don't want to think about Patrick. There is no point dwelling on that. 

''You wanna take this to my room,'' she asks me in between kisses. The gleam in her eyes. I want to go home, I don't want to be doing this with her but it will help me forget about him and that is all I want to do. 

''Yeah,'' I manage in between heavy breaths. 

She leads me into her room and throws me on the bed roughly. The act itself is supposed to be a major turn-on. I watch her as she takes off her clothes, slowly and seductively. This is the part where my dick responds. The moment she climbs on top of me naked. I feel her touch, it is supposed to warm me upset me on fire. 

Why is it not working? She reaches for the buckle of my jeans, her fingers brushing against my dick. She is trying to bring it to life. it is not working. I don't know how to respond to this, so I grab her and pull her closer. Smashing my mouth into hers. A kiss is all it usually took to get me started. 

It is not working. 

I close my eyes as she grinds into me, pulling me even closer. Her hands still playing with my jeans. I slide away from her lips until one of her breasts is in my mouth. I have always been a tits guy. Her breasts are perky, with pink luscious nipples. 

This has always been a turn on for me.

Why the fuck am I so soft down there. 

Shit.