Chapter 90 - Write A New Story With You

Jack. 

He is pissed at me. 

I don't know Trick well enough, but I know when he is upset and right now he is upset with me. yes, I am a selfish motherfucker. I did leave him at the club without a word but I was trying to figure some shit out. 

Why was I so worried about who he was with? 

All my attention was focused on him. 

I had a very beautiful girl in my bed, and I couldn't get hard enough to please her. I have never been in that kind of situation before. I blame it all on Patrick. He is getting to my head. I haven't been able to think about anything but him. that is the only explanation for what happened. 

I tried calling him numerous times. I was worried about him and suddenly I had regrets. I shouldn't have left him alone at the club. He was with a strange guy, frankly the guy I left him with looked like a creep. 

After worrying and searching for him, I came back to the apartment and he was asleep. He actually left the club without mentioning anything to me. I didn't even have enough time to be pissed. This was all my fault to being with and the relief I got from seeing him with sleepy eyes and bed hair was everything. 

Now he is angry with me. 

I can tell that much but I don't even know what I did. I wish I could understand why he is so upset. 

I stand in front of his door, contemplating if I should try again. He said I could call him tomorrow but I am not ready to say goodnight to him. I don't want to leave with him upset. 

Patrick is crawling into a quiet place in my heart and he doesn't even know it. I raise my hand, taking a deep breath. There are two ways this could go. 

1. He will welcome me into his apartment and listen to what I have to say. I mean I understand that I left him tonight but I could see that he was with someone. That was the purpose of our hangout in the first place. 

2. He will shut the door on my face. 

I wish it is the latter because I actually want to be with him tonight. Dad is still home. This is the longest he has spent at the apartment. Usually, by now, he would've disappeared. 

I could always go to Lance's apartment but I found out that I actually like spending time with Trick. 

I knock on his door again and this time he opens it faster than the first time. The look on his face makes it seem like he was actually expecting me back. He told me to leave but he didn't really want me to leave. Why do people hide what they really want?

Here I am complaining and I am doing the same thing. I want to talk to him about what happened today. the fact that I was in bed with someone and all I could think about was how his eyes light up when he smiles.

''You didn't leave,'' he breathes out. 

I nod. 

''You are upset with me.''

I actually want him to tell me the truth. Whatever he is feeling. I don't want to assume. I want him to open up to me. that is the only way this friendship between us will actually work. 

''You left me,'' he finally admits. 

That is the honesty I was looking for. What I did was not cool. I was going through some shit mentally. Trying to figure out my emotions and my jealousy got the better of me. I want to tell him how I hated seeing him with that guy. How I wanted to take him away from the club and keep him to myself. 

Those are the things I should be saying but I am too much of a coward to say all those things. 

''I am sorry,'' I settle for that because an apology makes everything better especially when it is sincere. Right now I am being sincere. I will never leave him again. I take a step towards him. he watches me, unsure of what to do. I don't even know what I am doing, I just don't want any distance between us. 

''Tonight was a fail. I don't want to be your wingman,'' I tell him honestly. From everything that happened tonight, I can say that this was not the best idea. There are emotions, feelings that I am not ready to admit to. The kind that makes me not want to see him flirt with someone else. I don't know how he felt seeing me with Pearl. I hated seeing him, and I am under the assumption that he didn't like it either. 

''I told you it was a stupid idea,'' he chuckles nervously to mask his shaking voice. 

I take another step towards him. now we are facing each other at close proximity. I can feel the heat emanating from his body, but I don't reach for him. I don't try to touch him. his eyes shift from me and away. This continues for a couple of seconds when all I want is for him to look at me. the scar under his eyes seems very clear when close to him like this. I want to reach out and brush my fingers against it. curious to know how it feels, how he got it in the first place. 

''I don't want to let you go,'' I confess. 

This is the moment of truth. Maybe if he tells me how he feels. If he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him, I will try to give this a shot. My eyes look away from his scar and they rest on his lips. His lips are pink and full. I bet if I touch them, they will be soft against my touch. 

''Me neither.'' 

At this point, I can't read his mind. I don't know how he is feeling. Patrick is in love with Lance. those feelings haven't suddenly disappeared because of me. there is no way that he could switch so fast. whatever he feels for me must be his mind forcing him to move on. He decided to let go of my best friend. I don't want to be the rebound. 

What am I even thinking?

I don't want to be gay. 

I can't be gay right now. 

I could be gay for Patrick. 

I want to kiss him so badly. 

Shit, what is going on In my head? 

The look he is giving me right now is not helping matters. Tell me what you want Trick. Tell me you want me as much as I want you. That is all I need to hear to send me to the heaven in which you belong. 

I don't know If this is me conceding to everything. I dint come here to confess to him or to try to convince him to want me. I came here to spend the night. I came here so I didn't have to be alone and right now, he is the only one I want to be alone with. It used to be Lance. I'd always find a way to be with him. Now, I don't want to leave this apartment, even if I end up sleeping on the couch. 

''So what do we do now?'' I move even closer, my body is doing this on its own. I don't know what I intend to do with all this closeness but I just want to feel him. 

Touch him. 

He closes his eyes and I fulfil my wish as I brush my index finger against the scar. It is bumpy and very rough. Totally not what I was expecting. He keeps his eyes closed as I move my finger all over it. I don't even know what I am doing. What is so great about touching a scar. There is nothing special but this feels like the most intimate I have ever been with anyone. My hand moves away from his scar and he opens his eyes, almost like he was waiting for me to stop touching it. it never seemed like he was insecure about the scar, I always thought he wore it so well, like a battle scar but now, I see the pain in his eyes. 

There is more to his story. 

The story that I want to explore. 

I want to finish it and then write a new one with him. At this moment, that is the crazy thought running through my mind. maybe I will regret this in the morning. I might wake up tomorrow and feel awkward about everything that is happening. 

My hand cups his face as a tear falls to my hand. That is the pain I am talking about. The one that I want to get rid of. I only want to see him smile. 

Sadness shouldn't even be in his dictionary. 

''Can I spend the night?''