Chapter 96 - Complete Honesty

Jack.

''Is Lance okay?'' Trick asks me with concern etched on his voice. 

I should be jealous that he is asking but I like to think we have gone past Lance and his crush. Yeah, I know there is no way he is over him but he is here with me right now. that has to count for something. 

''Yeah, just some issues with Ford,'' I answer him honestly. 

I have decided to try a new approach with Trick. I want whatever this is to blossom. There is no certainty that there is more to this than what it is right now, but I am hopeful. 

We are next to each other on the bed, nothing happened after my weird ass confession. He is not acting weird, maybe just a little uncomfortable. I can feel the heat emanating from his body. It makes me want to reach out for him and maybe touch him, see how my fingers will feel on his body. 

''What are you thinking about?'' he asks me softly. 

I turn to face him again, his eyes bore into mine. God, he has fucking beautiful eyes. Why am I just noticing now? how have I been so blind to how amazing he is?

''Nothing in particular, what about you?'' 

The conversation we are having is very awkward. Things are weird right now and I know it is because of my sudden confession. We were getting very steamy and then Lance called. Interrupting us, yeah I know he is going through a lot right now but I kind of wished he hadn't called when he did. Patrick pulled away from me instantly and now I am stuck in my head. thinking about the things I want to do to him but also unsure of it being a good idea. I know that I am attracted to him—fuck, I am so turned on right now and he isn't even touching me. just from a stare and I am losing my mind. 

''I want to kiss you,'' he breathes out those words shakingly. I see the fear in his eyes, the regret immediately he says those words. 

He is being very brave right now, I want the same thing but I was not even brave enough to say it. 

I move closer to him, he stiffens as my leg presses against his thigh. His eyes are still fixed on mine. He is waiting for my reply. He wants to know if I feel the same way. 

Of course, I feel the same way. 

There are thoughts of the future. 

After we satisfy our hunger for each other, what happens next. I don't want to wake up and start to overthink. I don't want to have regrets. I don't want to hurt him any longer. Somehow Trick has found a wat to crawl into my skin. He is suddenly important to me and I don't let go of people that are important to me. If I fuck things up after having sex with him tonight, I will never forgive myself. 

''I want that too,'' I breathe out heavily. Saying those words out loud feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Fuck, it feels so good being honest with him. 

Is this what honesty feels like?

He brings his face closer to mine, the minty smell of toothpaste whiffs up to my nose. He smells so fucking good. I never imagined a guy smelling sweet, but that is the scent I am getting from him. a hint of vanilla mixed with musk. 

Jesus. 

''Can I kiss you?'' he pleads the desperation lingering in his voice. His eyes are closed, it seems like he is afraid to see me in case I turn him down. I don't intend on turning him down, not especially when that is all that is on my mind. I want this as much as he does—maybe even more. He has no idea, I mean he can't read my mind, so how will he know?

''What If we regret this in the morning,'' I say it because I want to be transparent in the morning. I am not ready for the commitment that comes with being with him. I want him, I like him, but I am not ready to come out of the closet for him. 

At least not while my father is alive.

''I won't have any regrets,'' he shakes his head immediately. His eyes are still closed. I want them to open again. I want to see those beautiful eyes again. 

''What if I do?''

His eyes shoot open instantly. I see his cheeks redden. I know I have upset him and that wasn't my intention. 

''Oh,'' he mutters disappointedly, suddenly looking away from me. 

I grab his chin, pulling him to look at me again ''That's not what I mean, I want you to understand me.'' 

He furrows his brows ''I get it, Jack. You don't see me that way. You don't have to explain anything,'' suddenly he pulls away from me and gets up from the bed, walking out of the room. He didn't even wait for me to explain. 

Shit. 

I jump off the bed and follow him out of the room. He looks up when he notices me and runs into the bathroom, shutting it in my face. 

''Trick,'' I shout through the door. 

I don't want to hurt him.

It seems like that is exactly what I just did. 

''Open the door,'' I plead desperate to see his beautiful eyes again. All I hear is silence in the bathroom. He must be so pissed. I don't think I said anything wrong. I am just trying to be honest with him. 

It is not easy for me to accept this. especially when all I want Is to prove to the one person that shouldn't matter that I am not this. If I think my father hates me now, he will hate me more when he finds out.

''I can't be gay right now,'' I decide to expatiate on my honesty. I need to tell him the truth. I want him to see it the way I feel. He thinks this is about him, this is not about him. Patrick is fucking perfect. Who wouldn't want to be with him?

''My father will kill me. I mean he will literally kill me if all his assumptions were right. Well, maybe not all his assumptions because he did think I was in love with Lance. he put those fears in my head, made me think It was wrong for me to be that way. Now I can't be gay because there is nothing right about that man.''

I breathe out a heavy breath. This is harder than I thought. 

''I don't want him to be right about this.''

I hear the click of the lock and the door opens. He is watching me, standing there and not saying anything. I just bared my soul out to him, I need him to say something before I lose my mind. 

''I need words from you,'' I mutter. 

He remains quiet. 

''You can even laugh. Just show me some sort of emotion. Let me know that we are okay?''

I am rambling now, desperate for his approval. He might not know this but I never show vulnerability in front of anyone. Even with Camilla, I was cool and collected. Even when we had sex, I didn't show weakness and she is a great person. With Trick, I want him to see all sides of me. I don't know what this means but lance is the only one that has been that for me. 

I see him jump and in a moment he is in my arms. His lips smash into mine instantly. I don't know what is happening right now but I melt into the kiss, carving more from him. he pushes me till my back hits the wall of the living room roughly. Our lips are still meshes together, tongues touching and twirling on his mouth. I deepen the kiss as I try to feel more—everything that comes from him. I don't want him to let go, I don't want this to stop. I want this feeling to last forever. I grab him by his waist, he pushes deeper into me. I feel his dick on my leg. I never thought I would enjoy feeling someone dick as much as I do with Trick. He is hard and ready for me. I want to touch it, I want to kiss it, taste it. 

Fuck, I am losing my mind.

I pull back from his lips and his face is red, his breathing spiked. .there is confusion etched on his face. I don't know how to put what I want to do in words. The only thing I can do at that moment, staring at him in all of his glory is go down on my knees. 

He opens his eyes wide as I pull his boxers off him. 

There is shock plastered on his face. 

This unexpected forwardness is shocking to me but I don't want to stop.. I want to taste him so badly.