Chapter 102 - Be My Boyfriend

Patrick.  

''What happens tomorrow?'' he asks me. 

We are in bed together. Nothing happened after his confession about not wanting to hurt me. It is all I have been able to think about for the past hour. You see, the way he said it is engraved in my mind. I don't think I will ever be able to forget it. He is threading waters with me, which means he genuinely cares about me. 

Jack cares about me—Patrick. 

Can you even believe it?

''What do you mean?'' I am in his arms, holding unto him like this could be the only time this will ever happen. Tomorrow, he might go back to not liking me. He might think about all this and be full of regrets. I hope that is not the case. I want us to grow from this, I want us to become closer. 

I want everything with him. 

''I am not ready to make this official but it feels like it already is. I like you so much,'' his confession has my skin crawling, my heart racing. Hearing him say that is exciting. 

''I like you too,'' I admit. 

He smiles and reaches for me, his fingers brushing against the skin on my head. I close my eyes as I try to feel all of him as he holds me closer. This is the closest I have ever been with anyone. I won't trade this for anything else. 

''Do you want to be my boyfriend?'' he asks. 

My heart freezes in my chest. That was unexpected. He just said he wasn't ready to make unofficial and here he is asking the most official question ever. I don't know how to feel, how to react to his question. Right now, that is all I want. The fact that God is indirectly telling me that I don't have to be alone anymore, that I can have someone that would love me unconditionally, is overwhelming. 

I want to be his boyfriend. 

I want to be his everything but I need to know what it means to be his boyfriend. I know he is not ready to come out. Like officially. 

He has too many fears that will haunt him when he does. 

I don't want to be the one that brings out those demons. 

''You're not answering. I am getting worried.'' He mutters bemused. 

I look at him, straight into his eyes, because I am still in shock. I thought it would take him a while to come to terms with this whole thing. I didn't think I would have to give him an answer tonight. Things just started with us, yeah, I am excited about our journey but also terrified. 

''Come on Trick, don't leave me hanging,'' he pulls away from me and sits on the bed with his back resting on the headboard, still watching me. There is a nervous expression plastered on his face which makes me realize that this is not easy for him. I know he is not a hundred percent sure about this decision. 

''You just said you are not ready,'' I remind him of his earlier words. 

He shakes his head ''Not that, okay maybe it's that but I don't want to have to share you with anyone else. Seeing you flirt with that guy tonight broke me and I can't handle it anymore.'' 

So he is asking because of jealousy. 

''You were flirting too,'' I interject, reminding him that unlike me, I didn't go home with the guy. 

He runs his hands through his hair ''Shit, this is very hard.'' He mumbles. I know how he feels. Am I intentionally making this difficult for him? This is what I wanted, so why is it so hard to say yes to him. 

''Okay, I want you to be my boyfriend Trick. I have never felt this way about anyone. You have become so special to me that I don't want to let you go, I know right now, things are not as clear as they should be. I am not the best person, I really don't have anything to offer but me. I am not special but I want to be yours,'' he lets out a breath after his words. 

He doesn't know what those words are doing to me. The emotional turmoil in my brain. 

''You don't have to say yes tonight. I will give you time to think about it and if this isn't what you want, I completely understand,'' he accepts already sounding defeated. 

This is everything I want. 

I want to be with him. 

I want to be his boyfriend. 

So why is it so hard to admit that right now? 

He shifts closer to me again and I feel his warmth all over my body. At this point, I think he has run out of words to say. We sit in silence for a couple of seconds as I try to control all the rambling in my head. I am too excited to even say anything. 

''Are you hungry, I am suddenly hungry,'' he says out of the blue. I look at the clock on the wall of my room. It is a little after two in the morning. Eating right now seems like the least of my worries but I am not tired, I don't want to go to bed anytime soon, being with him is keeping me on high alert. 

''I have food in my fridge,'' I suggest wanting to spend as much time awake with him. He raises a brow but gets up from the bed. I don't know why I am stalling. He said he wanted to be with me. I want to be with him too, so what is the problem right now. 

He pulls me off the bed and we walk to the kitchen, our hands together. He squeezes my palm gently. Not even letting me go. I like this new change in our relationship. He lets of my hand when we get into the kitchen and there is a smile on his face as he opens the fridge ''Do you cook?'' he questions peering into it. 

I shake my head and he chuckles ''All I see in here are take-outs.'' 

He got the answer to the question he asked. The only food I have in there are from Lumi's diner. I have a plug there and she helps me with food whenever I want. 

''This is all I eat,'' I tell him honestly. I want Jack to get to know me. 

He brings out a container of chicken and rice. My favourite meal out of everything inside ''Will this work?'' he asks. 

I grab the container and put it in the microwave, I feel him as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind. ''I don't know if this is allowed, do you mind?'' he whispers into my ear. 

I don't mind at all. My heart races against my chest. I feel his lips on my neck. Hot and heavy. His arms pulling me closer, to the point where I feel all of him. ''You're fine,'' I assure him. It is not like there is any boundary to be crossed. We have gone all the way, that I don't think anything we do right now will be too much. I press the button on the microwave and the food starts moving in circles inside. My eyes are fixed to the electronic but all I feel is him. 

''I can't believe being in your arms feel this nice. Who would have thought it would feel this good?'' he asks rhetorically. My hands grip his hands gently as I try to control how hyper and excited I am feeling right now. 

''You're quiet again,'' he doses gently. 

''I don't know what to say,'' I admit. 

He chuckles ''Tell me how much you like me,'' he says dreamily. 

''A lot.'' 

This time he laughs louder. Our conversation right now is light, the kind that makes you forget all your problems. It is making me happy. Being with Jack is making me happy. 

''You have to do better than that, I poured my heart out to you back there.'' He reminds me of his confession. Yeah, he is right. He shared a lot with me, things that I never thought he ever would and I am very grateful for tonight. No matter what happens between us, I will always appreciate his honesty today. 

I turn around slowly, and he watches me, confusion sprawled on his face. The smile is still stuck to his face, makes me want to kiss him. 

''Can I show you how much I like you?'' 

The question is weird. the only way I can show him right now is by kissing him. He nods his head but remains silent. I take that as my approval. Slowly, I lean forward until my lips are an inch away from his. 

''You don't have to worry about anything, there will be no one else,'' I assure him because that seems to be his greatest worry. 

I am his and his alone. 

My lips press to his for a kiss and he grabs the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him. The microwave makes a beep, that indicates that the food is hot enough. I pull back from his lips ''The food's ready,'' I inform him. 

He shakes his head immediately, the only hunger in his eyes ''Fuck food, I want you.'' 

With that, he smashes his lips to mine again.