Chapter 109 - You Are My Light

Jack. 

This is so freaking embarrassing. I didn't want him to see me like this. I should've called. Given an excuse to postpone the date but I couldn't as my phone is still in the apartment and with the way I left, I can't even go back for it. I don't usually aggravate him. I don't know what came over me tonight. I should've just indulged him for a couple of minutes and then left. It would have been so easy but I had to fire up his anger and now look at what has happened. 

''Please Jack,'' he uses that soothing voice that I can't resist. 

I can't ask him to take care of me. Once I do, this thing between us will be ruined. We are still in the early stages of our relationship. I like him too much to do this. 

''I can't ask you to do this,'' I reply dead-pan. 

The last thing I would do is take our relationship to that level. It has just been a week. I cannot and will not ask him to pay my bills. That is not what this is about. 

''Fine. I will handle my bills on my own. We can go to the hospital,'' I accept in defeat. I don't have enough money in my account. I depend on Lance a lot. His mom is the one that handles most of my bills. She takes care of me as she would her own. Lance is the only one I can ask for this without feeling guilty. Trick might think I am using him if I do this. I don't want him to think badly about me. I know eventually if this thing between us works out. I might get to that point where I can rely on him but for now, it is too soon. 

I see the look on his face. He wants to argue. ''I have enough for this. It will be fine,'' I try to assure him. I don't even believe my own words. This is not the first time he has hurt me but this is the first time I have been convinced to go to the hospital. I just can't refuse him. 

''I'll drive. Do you want to change your clothes?''

I nod and walk into Lance's bedroom. His cupboard is open and very messy as usual. I grab a clean shirt from it and close it for him. Pulling the one I have off, I drop it on the bed, Trick peeks into the room, the worried expression still on his face. "Do you need help?'' he asks. 

I manage a smile, even though it hurts ''Come here,'' I stretch my arms out towards him and he walks into the room ''I don't mind a hug right now,'' Trick in my arms will definitely make me feel better. He smiles warmly and buries himself in my arms. The warmth of his body soothes me as I pull him closer. I knew this would make me feel better. Trick is my light, he makes me feel like all this could get better. I breathe into his neck, tightening my arms around his waist. All the pain I felt, evaporates. I don't feel my face, all I feel is him at this moment. 

''I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish I could take your pain away,'' he cries in my arms. I know that Patrick has gone through something similar. When I talk to him about his past, he likes to brush it off. He has completely let go of his past, I wish I could let go of it the same way he has. 

''You're here now. That is all that matters to me.'' 

You see, Lance used to be the shoulder I would cry on after an encounter with my dad but now, this feels right. I want him to be that for me. I don't mind making him my solace. He is my favourite person right now. ''You don't have to stay in that house, stay with me.''

I pull away from him at his words. He is asking another impossible thing. I don't want to stay with him. I don't want to be like a pest in his life. This thing is still fresh. I can't ruin this. 

''I'm fine. Really. Can you trust me?''

''I know what could happen. He will never stop until you are dead.'' 

Like I said earlier, I know Trick can relate to this. Something similar must have happened to him. He went through the same things I am going through now. I don't think my dad wants me dead. He just likes to hurt me, make sure I feel pain. He says every day of his life is painful. The reminder that I am his son, so he wants me to know how he feels when he wakes up each morning. To him, I am good for nothing. I will never amount to anything. 

''I am almost eighteen, just a couple of months and I don't have to be in his reigns. Just let me handle it the way I have been doing.'' 

Lance has tried to get me out of that apartment, his mother has intervened but the truth is, he is still my father and I don't just want to completely abandon him. He has been a drunkard all his life. He doesn't know anything else. I can see him slowly slipping away from this world without me. 

''I don't like that he hurt you,'' he cries softly. The sound of his voice at this moment is heartbreaking. 

''I am fine. I swear it doesn't even hurt.'' That is a lie, it hurts like a bitch but I am trying to comfort him. I don't want him beating himself up for this ''you don't have to worry about this, I promise I can handle this.'' I caress his face gently, wanting him to be okay. 

He closes his eyes as my palm rests on his cheek, slowly I lean forward for a kiss. It is quick and gentle—lasting for only a second ''you being here is more than enough right now.''

He manages a faint smile ''Come on, let's go to the hospital. We need to make sure everything is okay.'' 

''Can I borrow your phone for a second?'' I ask him because I need to call Lance. I need to ask him for the money. I don't know if this is a good time because he is supposed to be with John and his mom. The last I spoke to him, he said it felt like an ambush and that has me worried, cause of the things that are happening with him. This is kind of an emergency though and I know he would drop everything to help me; just like I would for him. 

Trick raises a brow in suspicion. I don't want to tell him that I want to ask him for money, I don't want him to feel like Lance is somehow more important to me. That is not why I am doing this. I am just not at that point where I want to bother him with things like this. 

''I just want to let him know that I am okay,'' I lie. I know he knows that is not the case but he doesn't argue. He brings his phone out of his pocket and hands it over to me. 

''I'll be outside,'' he lets go of me and walks out of the room. 

I dial Lance and he answers on the first ring, the worry evident in his voice ''did you find him?'' he speaks up. 

So Trick called him. 

I knew it was kind of weird that he found me here. It means a lot that he would go as far as calling Lance to make sure I am okay. Fuck, this guy is crawling deeper into my heart. Pretty soon, I will be unable to let him go. 

''I am fine.''

Lance releases a sigh of relief ''Fuck dude, did he try anything this time?'' he asks immediately. Like I said this is not the first time my dad has hit me and it won't be the last. I just need to learn to control myself with him. 

''Yeah, I need a favour. Cant talk for too long.'' 

''Okay.'' 

''I need some money from the one your mom keeps aside for me. I know I said I wouldn't need it but I kinda need to go to the hospital.''

''What? How bad is it this time? Switch to video call, lemme see,'' not long after, the phone makes a beeping sound and I see the facetime video request. 

I press the green answer button and his face blares up ''What the actual fuck Jack. How did this happen?'' he shouts into the phone. He looks like he is in a hallway. I definitely know that this call is a distraction to whatever is going on with him and I wish we could talk about that instead but I know he wouldn't. 

''It's not as bad as it looks,'' I try to dismiss his reaction. 

''You look like you were in an accident.'' 

Yeah, Lance is a drama queen as usual. 

''Can we talk about this later. I don't want Trick to worry. He won't let me sit this out at home and I don't have any money for the hospital.''

''sure, you know where the card is. The first drawer. Just take it.'' 

I end the call, grab the card from the drawer and walk out to the living room. Trick is seated on the couch, he stands up immediately ''Ready.''

I manage a nod ''Yeah,'' and with that, we leave the apartment.