Chapter 113 - I Will Only Believe Him

Lance. 

''I know everything I need to know about him.''

He smiles, almost like he knows something that I don't. I know there are still some things that ti don't know about him but if they were important, he would have told me.

''Brad told you some things that are not true.''

I shake my head immediately ''He didn't tell me anything.'' I don't want to get him involved in this. this was not my intention in the first place and now it has turned to a whole thing. I was avoiding this in the first place.

''You don't have to cover for him. this is not the first time he has done something like this.''

He didn't do anything. Right now, Ford is fighting to find a way for us to be together. I can't tell him that because that will just mess things up more.

''He didn't say anything.'' I deny it again. I will keep denying until he agrees to let this go. There was no point doing this and now I see that. I should've just listened to Ford from the beginning. He said I should trust him, and I couldn't at that moment. I wanted to try, do something but all I have done is mess things up.

''I know he did because I said it to him.''

I freeze.

He is admitting it.

When mom is not here, how expected.

''But not for the reasons you think.''

Okay. What is the punchline?

''What are you talking about?'' I get into the conversation. I mean, we are already here. So why not hear him out.

''Brad is unstable. He has always been this way.''

I hate the fact that he is going to start with his sickness. That is the only thing they can use against him. the man I know is perfect. He is the kindest person I have ever met. When he is going through his bad days, he keeps to himself, rather than say or do hurtful things, so no, I won't believe him when he says things like this.

''When he was younger before we got a diagnosis. He would do things to me and his mother that we could never understand, he was always angry. he hated everyone and everything.''

This is the first time I am hearing about his mother. he has never talked about his mom before. I can't even trust this man's words. So, whatever he decides to tell me about her might all be lies.

''Did he ever tell you how his mother died?''

''No,'' he smiles and rests his elbows on the table. Leaning closer to me. This is not something that should be easy to talk about but here he is wanting to talk about his dead wife so casually.

''Brad was ten. Just a little kid.'' I watch him silently as I wait for him to continue. It is not like I even have anything to say. This is his story, and I am the listener. So that is what I am going to do. listen to him silently as he lies against my boyfriend.

''He was in the car when she had the accident.''

Okay, I get that, and I can see how that will affect him but what does this have to do with him and why he is the way he is.

''He was having another episode. She couldn't control him, so she called me to talk him out of it. He has this tendency to be very aggressive. He used to fuss and fight. He did that while she was driving and that is how they had the accident. There was nothing I could do to stop it.''

Is he really blaming a fucking child?

I don't know what he intended to do with this, but it hasn't convinced me of anything. All I know now is that he blames his son for his wife's death.

''It wasn't his fault,'' I tell him.

He smiles ''I am not saying it is. I am just telling you how he feels about it. he has blamed himself all his life and that is what makes him lash out and act the way he does. He refuses to take his medication; he refuses to get help. I have tried everything.''

He makes him sound like a monster. Ford is not like the way he is making him out to be. I know the man I am in love with. I know how much of a good person he is. He doesn't let his illness affect his relationship with me. He has been honest; he is not a bad person. I will not let this man convince me that he is.

''Why are you telling me all this?''

He still hasn't explained why he would tell Ford not to hang out with me. He said he told him that he should stay away, so why did he?

''Because I love your mother and I want things to be good between us.''

Yeah, this is all because of mom. I have known that all along but just because he is with her, that doesn't mean I have to like him.

''Brad is very impressionable, he can't handle a lot of things. I didn't want him hanging out with you too much because I know how he gets. Eventually, his true self will show up and he will lash out with you.''

That doesn't make any sense.

''I don't know what you want me to say to all this. I already know that he is bipolar. He told me and I haven't seen any bad side to him through this disorder.''

''It is not just bipolar. He also has anger problems and drug and alcohol abuse. I have sent him to rehab, a corrections facility. Nothing has worked on him. the doctors think the best thing is keeping him at home. There is nothing else for me to do.''

To me, it doesn't seem like he has a drug problem. He hasn't had alcohol since he told about everything. so that means he has been controlling it well. I know what he is doing and with the notion I had when I came here, I will not let him convince me that he is a monster.

''You need to understand that my son is sick. He is not like you or all your other friends. He needs a close eye on him and I have done my best. I just don't want him to take part in messing our relationship.''

We don't have a relationship. I think it but I don't say anything. If he wants to feel like he has accomplished what he wanted with this meeting then I will make him feel that way. Until Ford gets back, and then we can figure out what we are going to do.

''I want you to know that I don't have any problem with you being gay. I love your mother and I want us to be… how do the kids say it these days, cool.''

How will he feel when he finds out the truth. I genuinely want to know. He might say he wants us to have a relationship but I have reached the point in my life where I will choose Ford over anyone. Even my own mother and that is selfish of me to think but that is how I feel. I love him so much and I need him in my life. I can't lose him.

No matter what.

''So can we try again? We should get to know each other. Have a dinner just you and me?'' he looks hopeful and for a second, I almost believe him. if things were different. I might try to get to know the man, but it is the way it is.

''Okay. Why not.'' I lie. There will be no dinners with this man but I will try to prolong it for as long as I can. Until we can get out of this house and this situation.

''Great.''

I stand up from the chair and he does the same, walking me out of the room ''Can you not say anything to Ford, about the whole thing? He will be pissed if he found out I told you in the first place.'' I tell him.

I don't have any intention of keeping this from him. once he gets home, I am going to tell him about this mistake but I just don't want his dad to talk to him about it. I know he will panic and then overreact. He is already so terrified of the man and I don't want to make things even worse.

''I don't plan on telling him. Remember I said he can't handle a lot of things.''

If I didnt know better, I would think the man actually cares about Ford. Like I said before, the only person I believe in is Ford. He is the only one I trust. The only one I will believe blindly. Even if all John said today is true, I will only believe Ford.

No matter what.