Chapter 152 - I Love You

Patrick. 

He has been the best through my withdrawal.

I don't mean to push him away.

I am doing this because I am a coward and I don't like that I am keeping all this from him. I want to tell him the truth but I am so fucking scared.

She hasn't come to look for me again after that day, so maybe she wouldn't bother me again. Who am I kidding? Now that she has found me, she will not leave. She will make sure she ruins me.

I go into the shower, hearing Jack rummaging through the house. He has been weird. Okay, maybe not weird but extra supportive. Like, he is supposed to be pissed at me for the way I have been acting. I am being the opposite of who I wanted to be. I wanted to be open, tell him the truth but I guess at the end of the day, I am a coward. I am too scared to even tell him the truth.

Once I am done with my shower, I stand in front of the mirror. I haven't slept a wink since she came. Lying next to Jack helped a lot but all the thoughts of the past keep coming back. Even though all I want to leave it all behind.

I hear voices through the door. They are hushed but more than one voice. maybe lance is back. Jack said he was going back to his apartment. Maybe he changed his mind and is back. I open the door to my bathroom and I recognize the voice immediately.

"He is in the bathroom, just give me a second to talk to him,'' jack whispers quietly.

What the fuck is he doing?

Why would he let her into my house?

"You haven't told him?'' she half yells. This is her way of being quiet, I can hear her clearly. I walk out of the bathroom and put on my closed immediately. I don't want to be pissed at jack but right now, I am beyond pissed.

"Why did you do this?'' I direct at Jack immediately I walk out to the living room. He opens his eyes wide; I don't know if it is shock or guilt but whatever it is, I don't care.

"I can explain,'' he tries to defend himself.

"You need to leave, I don't ever want to see you,'' I face the woman I am supposed to call my mother. The woman that never gave a shit about me. here she is, after a whole year and I am sure she has questions.

Questions that I will never answer.

"Patrick,'' she walks over to me and grabs my arm in her grip. It is rough, the way she always used to. The way he used to.

"Let go of me," I warn her with a glare. This is all jack's fault. I don't know how I feel about this setup.

"Tell me where he is, you can't continue this forever,''

"I don't know where he is. I left…remember?''

I glance at Jack. He looks very guilty. He should be. I don't even know how I will handle this. if he did this, that means I can't trust him.

Maybe he doesn't trust me. I mean, I told him to have a little faith in me but he chose to go behind my back and ambush me.

"You know damn well that you know what happened to him. I am going to find out and when I do, I will make sure you pay for it,'' she lets go of me and walks over to the door. This is her way of threatening me. I watch her walk to the front door. He grabs the handle and slowly turns around "thank you jack for this,'' with those words, she walks out of the apartment and I am left with the one person I should trust but betrayed me.

The silence in the room gets to me. I can feel him watching me. I don't have anything to say to him because I am pissed off. I am upset with him. I can't get over the fact that he would do this to me.

Taking slow strides, I walk to the room. Right now, I might say something I will regret if I talk to him. I hear his footsteps as they follow me into the room "Now is not a good time. I don't want to talk about it,'' I warn him.

"let me explain,'' he tries.

I turn around and regret it instantly. His eyes pierce into mine. They dig deep in that part that tells me he loves me. he didn't do this to hurt me. in his mind, he probably thought this was a way to help.

Even though that is by far what he did.

He didn't help matters.

In fact, he just made things worse.

He has no clue.

"Not right now.''

He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair. He is not going to make this easy for me. I need a little space to think about the next step. What the hell I am going to do. "You can't close off on me right now.''

I shake my head "I am not closing off. I don't want to talk about this because if I do, I might say something that will make things worse.''

"Say it. anything that will make you talk to me. I hate this silence.''

"I needed space. All I asked for was space and you couldn't even give me that. How do you expect me to fucking trust you?''

Okay, this is what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want to yell at him but since we are here. There is no going back. I am going to let him know how I feel. I don't appreciate him involving himself in my business.

"You can trust me. I just needed you to let me in.'' he reaches for me but I shift away before he can grab me.

"Don't fucking touch me right now," I warn him. I can't handle all this. I need to leave; I need to leave this town and this life. I can't explain anything to him right now. I don't even want to look at him.

"I am sorry, she sprung up on me downstairs. She was crying, she said she wanted to make things right. That she needed to talk to you.''

I scoff. He is not getting himself off this "So, even though I told you to back off. Even though I told you that I will talk to you when I was ready. You chose to trust the woman I said you shouldn't."

He shakes his head "I didn't trust her, I thought you would want to see her. I thought I could help your relationship with her. I wanted to make things right."

"You made things fucking worse. Please just get out.''

"No, I am not leaving."

I walk away from the room, and out to the living room. If he doesn't want to leave, I will leave the apartment for him. A lot is going on in my head. I am panicking. Like I always do when it involves them.

She is looking for him.

She has been looking for him since I ran away.

She must know something. Or else she wouldn't be here with so much confidence. I grab a pair of sneakers and start to put them on. He grabs me once I am done. His eyes pleading with so much desperation. He is not going to get me to stay. I need to leave. I need to get the hell out of here.

"stop trick. This is not right. I know I upset you but I can't let you leave. I can't let you hate me when I love you so much.'' He cries.

I freeze, he is still grabbing unto me. his eyes are sad and this is all because of me. he just told me he loves me.

I feel the sincerity in his confession.

"You don't have to say it back. You have every right to be angry with me but I just want you to trust me. I want you to talk to me. let us figure this shit out together."

I don't know what to say. I am still stuck on the fact that he loves me.

Jack loves me.

"You love me?'' I mutter as a tear slides to my cheek. His eyes follow the drop and he pulls me closer, wiping it off. There is a faint smile on his face. He knows that he has somehow gotten to me.

"I really do. I have never loved anyone the way I do you.'' He breathes out. My heart thuds against my chest. This is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. I never felt love, in all my life and now, he loves me.

All the anger wipes out.

All the fear.

I have him.

He loves me.