Chapter 168 - The Vivid Flash Of A Memory

Ford.

"She can't be dead, please no.'' I cry.

My heart is racing in my chest. My hands are shaking. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate the man in front of me. He is the one that did this. This is all his fault. I tried to protect her, I tried to save her but he won in the end. 

"I am sorry son,'' he manages. He looks so sad but I know better than to believe him. This is what he wanted. All along, he wanted her dead. I knew about it and I couldn't save her. I am not going to believe him. I will always know the secret he wanted to take with him. 

"Don't call me your son. I hate you,'' I can't forgive him for this. I will always remember the hurt he caused her. I will hate him for her. 

"Brad, what are you talking about?'' he asks, confused. 

He took her from me and now he wants me to think that he is innocent. I know his tactics. I will not fall for his scheme. 

"Please leave me alone,'' I try to get up from the hospital bed but there are too many things attached to me. I want him to leave me alone right now. "I want to be alone,'' I tell him with a cold stare. I don't have the strength to cry. These days have taken away all my energy. They have taken everything from me. 

"I understand that you are hurt. You just lost your mother and I know how much you loved her but I love you and I am here. I want you to know that I will always be here by your side,'' he tries to give me assurance but I don't believe a word he is saying. I will never believe him again. For the rest of my life, he will always be the man that killed my mother. 

I will make sure he suffers for his crime. 

I open my eyes to another dream. It has been a week since Lance got me out of the hospital and I have been having recurring dreams of the incident after mom died. I remember some of the memories but the rest seem unfamiliar. Almost like they never happened. Lance has been acting weird around me. he is the only one on my side and I trust him one hundred percent but it seems like he doesn't trust me alone. He thinks I will do something to hurt myself.

I get that everyone thinks I am crazy but he is the one person that still believes in me. He is the only person that sees the other side of me. The door to the room opens and he walks in. he is dressed in a pair of sweats and a plain dark blue t-shirt. He smiles when he notices me "Oh, you're up,'' he exclaims, slowly walking up to me. He is drenched in sweat, it should be gross but I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me.

He climbs up the bed and I smash my lips to his hungrily. I have been taking my meds. The ones he brought but one of them is missing. I don't know how to tell him that he didn't bring everything. I don't want him to worry but I also know that it won't be good for me if I spiral. I got my card two days ago. So we have money now. I need a prescription from my doctor to get it, so I can't even get it off the counter.

He pulls back from the kiss and I let out a sigh. He can tell that something is wrong even though I haven't even said anything "Is something wrong?'' he asks worriedly.

I close my eyes because I promised to be honest with him. There are no secrets. The more secrets we keep the more problems we will have.

"It's not a big deal, and I don't want you to worry.'' I start with that, even though just telling him not to worry, I know that is what he is going to do.

"What happened?'' he demands already thinking the worst.

I sigh "One of my meds isn't in the bag you brought.''

He furrows his brows "Is it one of the important ones?" he asks, already sounding worried.

I nod.

"Can we get it off the counter?"

I shake my head. It is not like I don't already know all these things. I have already thought about it and the only option is going back home to get it or calling my doctor. Which won't work right now. The minute I do that, dad will find me.

"Are you sure it is in your room?"' he asks me.

He is thinking of a solution that doesn't exist "We have to go back. You need it right?''

His questions are becoming too much. They are making me panic and I shouldn't be panicking right now. "Eventually, I will run out of all my meds and I will need refills. So we need to look for a long term solution.''

He sighs "Fuck, this is a setback.''

He nudges off me and stands up from the bed. "I am going to call Jack, see if he can get the one in your room for us. I am sure if he tells mom that he wants to take something from my room, she will let him.''

It might seem like a good idea but I don't want him involving his friends in this. "You know what, I think I will be fine without it,'' I tell him. I should be able to get this on my own "I have my medical history in my mail, so I am sure I can get it without a prescription,'' I assure him even though I know I won't succeed.

He raises a brow, almost like he doesn't believe me. I don't even believe me but I have to sound believable because, at this point, all I am doing is dragging him into my mess continuously. I don't know the damage that will come from this but my but is just a month and I feel fine right now. Besides, I have gone longer without taking my meds. This is not the first time. A long time ago, I didn't see the needs for them. They made me paranoid. I would see things that weren't there. I started to lose my mind, so I stopped taking them until my doctor switched them for something else. At least, not I try to take them.

"Are you sure about this? We can find a way around it if you can't,'' he questions me worriedly.

"It will be fine. I need a computer though.''

He walks over to his bad and brings his laptop out of it. He walks over to me and I watch him as he lies down on the bed and opens the laptop up "Do you need my help with anything?'' he looks at me just after logging into the laptop.

I shake my head because there is nothing I can do. For now, I have to pretend like there is a solution to this, even though I will be misleading him. I hate that I am doing this. I haven't felt like myself since dad locked me up in that place.

A memory comes into my mind. It is almost like a flash but it is very clear.

"If you don't let me go, I will kill myself,'' I hold unto the knife. My grip is tight. My hands are shaking. 

"Calm down son. Please drop the knife,'' dad begs me with his hands raised and his eyes wide. The knife is on my grip. I move an inch until it pierces into my skin. It is just a graze but blood spills over. He takes a step towards me. He is begging me with his eyes but I don't even want to listen. 

I hate him so much. 

"We are just having a conversation. I am not disagreeing with you right now,'' he keeps his hands up in surrender. I know that he is lying. He is a fucking liar. I will not believe him because he will just end up killing me—just like he killed her. 

"You killed her and now you want to do the same to me. You want to hurt me the same way you have always hurt her. I will not give you the chance.'' The knife is still on my neck. I am still holding unto to it tightly. 

"I didn't kill your mother, I loved her.'' He cries almost making me believe his story. He has tried to convince me for so long. It won't work. 

I snap out of the memory and Lance is watching me, waiting for me to log into my email. I stand up from the bed and walk over to the bathroom. That memory felt so real but I don't remember it happening.

I look at my reflection and check my neck. The place where I placed the knife and sure enough. There is a scar there. It is faint but still there.

Why don't I remember things happening that way?

What the fuck is going on?