Chapter 189 - Double Proposal

Patrick.

I guess the jig is up.

I couldn't hide it anymore knowing that I was hurting him. jack is very open about everything. I know every little detail. Things that I might not even need to know. Something as simple as what he ate for breakfast and the fact that he didn't tell me how he felt about the whole marriage situation, just makes me know how much he has been battling with it.

I don't. know how long he has wanted this. I didn't even know it was on his mind. He has always been nonchalant about labels. He never even had to come out. Like he doesn't even like identifying himself as gay. He is very strict about things like that.

Marriage was a joke to him.

One that he diene even want to talk about with me.

Knowing that he has been thinking about it for some time now just makes me upset with myself. I have always prided myself on always knowing what he is thinking. Now I am not so sure about that anymore. makes me feel like there are things he has been keeping from me. things that might have been bothering him all this while. I don't know how else I can prove to him that I will always be on his side with no judgment.

"Which one should I pick?'' he asks me with a smile on his face. His fingers roam around the rings in the box. He hasn't even looked at me since he saw that box of diamonds. I spent a lot of money on those rings that I thought he would never see. For so long, I have been thinking about it. I have been wishing and hoping he would change his mind. I don't know how I feel about it now.

"They are all yours,'' I tell him with a smile on my face. I thought he would freak out when he saw the box. There are a total of thirty rings in that box. Thirty times, I would walk into a jewelry store and buy a different ring. Some are plain, some have big diamonds.

He looks at me for the first time and there are tears in his eyes. He is trying to control himself. he doesn't want to cry but he also knows that he can cry in front of me.

"I am such an idiot,'' he mumbles so low and I watch him as he looks at the rings again. This time picking one of them. The one he picks is gold, plain with tiny diamonds encrusted in them. I watch him as he drops the box and faces me again. Tears are still falling from his face but I am so scared to reach out. I don't know what is happening. Things are changing so fast and I don't want to be too excited. I don't want to freak him out.

"I know this is not the way It should have been done and I know it is stupid to give you back your own ring but I need to do this,'' he rambles on. I don't even know what he is talking about but my heart is racing fast in my chest. I watch him in silence as he gets down on one knee and his eyes stay up at me. there are still tears in his eyes. He is crying but there is a nervous smile on his face.

I know what he is about to do.

So many times, I have dreamt of this moment. I always thought I would be the one to eventually propose. I always practiced it in my head. The way I would tell him how much I love him. how I would ask him to be mine.

"I don't know how this works. Fuck, I don't even know what to say," he wipes his face with his free eyes. The more he wipes, the more tears fall. I smile because this is the best thing I have seen. Jack is the cutest person I have ever had the privilege of being with. He likes to act macho and all manly but he is a teddy bear that I just want to cuddle with and squeeze.

I watch him completely enjoying every bit of this. for the rest of my life, I will remember this night. It wasn't planned. He didn't even buy a ring but this is everything. he is everything to me.

"I love you so much Trick. I love you when I wake up, I love you even in my dreams. Meeting you was my end game. There was no one else and even though I make you upset, I push you to your limits, you always stay by my side. You tolerate me and give me back the love ten times. How do I even put how much I love you into words?'' he grabs my hands in his and I feel him squeeze them for support.

"I made you miss out on this because of my selfishness. You wanted to marry me and I took that from you. I fucking controlled the situation and then got mad when you didn't propose." He pauses and then looks away from me.

"Fuck, I am losing track. This is a shitty proposal."

I know Jack and he is beating himself up again. I grab one of the rings from the box and go on my knees too. He looks back at me with confusion on his face. I look into his eyes and for a second, they suck me into his orbit. I don't even have to say words. we have this unspoken bond, that no one else will understand.

No one else needs to understand.

It is for us and us alone.

"What are you doing?'' he asks me stuttering.

I smile "Why don't we do this together?''

He furrows his brows "I have to be the one to ask you. it has to come from me,'' he cries. I let go of his hand and reach for his face, slowly wiping the tears from it.

"You don't have to do this alone. You never have to do anything alone." I tell him. he needs to understand that we are in a relationship. Whatever happens, we face it together.

"Jack, the love of my life. The light in my eyes, will you marry me?'' I ask him with a smile on my face. His eyes are wide. He is trying to stop crying but it is not working. I love that I make him feel this way. I love him so much.

He nods his head slowly. No words leave his lips but I know his answer. I grab his hand again and slowly slide the ring into his finger. His hands are shaking, but it fits perfectly.

"Your turn,'' I tell him but his eyes are stuck on the ring on his finger. This ring was the first one I bought. The day I realized that I wanted him to be my husband. It would always be the most memorable one out of the bunch. The one that showed me my true feelings.

"Please be mine,'' he breathes out. It seems like that was the easiest way for him to say it and it is okay with me.

"I have always been yours,'' I tell him as he slides the ring into my finger. The moment our lips press together, I feel an overwhelming sensation in my chest.

I feel content with the world.

Happy.