Chapter 199 - Insecurities

Trick 

Time stops as those words escape his lips. 

in fact, at first, it feels like I didn't hear him properly. 

"What?'' I ask him to repeat what he just said because I don't want to believe those words. 

He sits up on the bed, the sheets pooling at his waist, and he looks at me. 

"Someone kissed me tonight,'' he repeats. 

after his words, it feels like there is a tugging in my heart. I just don't know how I feel about his confession. there is only one thought roaming through my mind and that is. 

"Did you kiss this person back?'' 

it feels like I am in a loop, one that I can't get out of. This feels heart-wrenching. I have never felt this way before. 

I have never felt so broken as I wait for him to tell me the truth. I don't want to hear him tell me yes. 

if he says no, then I will be okay. 

"No, I pushed him off immediately I realized what was happening.'' 

I sigh in relief. 

as I lay back down on the bed, I feel like I have been holding my breath this whole time. 

he comes and lies next to me and his warm body causes me to slowly close my eyes. 

before I know it, I feel him kissing me. his lips are soft and gentle as they caress mine. 

the kiss feels like more than a kiss. it feels like he is telling me that I am the only one for him. 

I close my eyes and kiss him back. I gently kiss him back, and then I kiss him harder. 

I place my hand on his chest and I push him away. 

"What's wrong?'' he asks me, concern etched on his face.

the only thing I can think of is his confession and the worry that has suddenly evolved with it "Who the fuck was it, the person that kissed you?'' I ask him because I need to know. 

he shakes his head immediately "No one important, that is not why I told you. I just needed to be honest with you. I didn't want to keep this from you because I have nothing to hide. you are the one I love and some guy at the club mistook my friendliness for flirting and thought it was okay." 

Some guy at the club?

I thought he was just going to be with Lance. I would have never let him go on his own if I knew this would happen. 

"You are thinking too much,'' he tells me, watching me intently. 

I sigh out of the frustration of all the thoughts in my head. I want to take this as nothing but Jack is a good-looking man. I know how amazing he is and other people would see it too. 

my insecurities are starting to mess with my head. 

"I can't help it,'' I tell him. 

"I know,'' he says "I would feel the same way if the tables were turned. I can't imagine you with anyone else. you are mine.'' he adds and that makes me feel a little better--but not good enough.

He grabs my hand and places it on his chest. right over his heart. "You are the only one whose name I want to hear when this aches. you are the only one I want to kiss when I wake up. you are the only one I want to kiss just because I can. you are the only one I want to be with. you are my everything.'' he tells me and it resonates. 

I guess his assurance is all I need. 

I lean in and kiss him. I kiss him with everything I have. I kiss him as if my life depends on it and he kisses me back. 

I don't want anyone else kissing him. 

I don't want him seeing anyone else the way he sees me. this is me claiming him as mine and no one else. 

I roll over until I am on top of him and kiss him again. I kiss him wildly, like the world is ending and he is the only one who can save me, with all this pent-up anger and emotions taking over. I just want him to feel how much he means to me. 

I break the kiss and reach for his boxers, taking them off immediately. he pushes into me again, not wanting to stop kissing me and I welcome him with all I have in me. our lips stay merged together as I taste him, making sure it registers "You are mine,'' I break away from the kiss and he nods immediately as I push into him. 

Maybe this is me trying to prove something but I don't ever want to feel this way again. I have never even thought that I could lose him. We are steady and strong. I didn't think this would ever happen. 

I have been in this relationship bubble for so long, I don't even think that people would want him--he is fucking amazing and I have to make sure I don't lose him. 

he looks up at me, his eyes are dark, the way they always are when I am inside him "I am yours,'' he breathes out and my heart races excitedly. 

I know I don't have anything to worry about. 

He claws at my back; I know it will leave a mark tomorrow but I don't care. 

I want everyone to know I am his. 

"I am sorry,'' he mutters but I shut him up by smashing my lips to his. I don't need an apology because I trust him. I know that he didn't do anything wrong and I know that he was honest about it. 

I trust him. 

*************************

The next morning, last night feels like a nightmare. I wake up and he is not next to me. I quickly jump out of the bed and walk into the bathroom in search of him, he is not there too. Checking all the rooms in the house, I don't find him. Jack would never leave without a word, right?

I grab my phone from the bedside table and there are no messages from him. maybe this is all from last night and all the doubts that have been creeping up since he told me but I am being paranoid right now. I should just call him.

I open the phone and dial his number. it rings a few times before going to voicemail. it is unusual for him not to pick up. maybe it's just because he doesn't have any bars wherever he is. 

I try to call again but this time on his phone. it rings a few times before going to voicemail as well. I hang up and call again. this time I leave a message. I don't know what to say, just that I am worried and that I hit him up as soon as he gets this, I hang up. I walk out of the house and go to the kitchen. I pour a cup of coffee into a cup and sit down on the counter. 

I don't like the way I feel right now. 

I don't know what is going on inside my head. 

I hear the front door and his footsteps as he walks into the kitchen, there is a smile on his face "You're awake, shit. I wanted to surprise you,'' he raises his hands up in the air and I see coffee and bagels from my favorite coffee shop. "Shit, you're already drinking your morning coffee, I am late,'' he walks up to me and drops the coffee on the table next to me. 

I remain quiet because I don't know what to say. 

"Are you okay?'' he asks me worriedly.

I shake my head because I am not okay right now. "What is wrong?'' he grabs my hands in his and pulls me closer to him. 

I don't know how to explain how I am feeling right now but he brought a side of me that I didn't want him to see. 

A side of me that is weak.

A side of me that I hate.

"Did I do something wrong?'' he asks me. 

I shake my head again because this is not his fault. I am acting this way because right now, I am insecure and worried, and angry with the whole situation. it is not like he cheated on me. it was just a kiss and he said that it didn't mean anything. 

"What is going on?'' he asks and his tone is starting to make me feel even more guilty about my reaction.

"Nothing, I just didn't see you in the morning and I was thinking the worse,'' I confess. 

He furrows his brows "What worse?''

I sigh "I don't know, last night just caught me off guard and is making me paranoid.'' 

he nods in understanding "Do you trust me?'' 

I nod immediately because there is no one I trust more than him. He smiles "Then you have nothing to worry about." 

I know that but what is this big aching feeling in my chest?