Chapter 204 - The Truth

Jack 

"Can we have a conversation tonight?'' I ask him as he leads me into his car with a very content smile on his face. 

I guess this impromptu lunch is making him happier than I thought it would "Oh, what about?'' he asks me as the doors are closed and the car ignition is on. 

I look at him and the realization that this is it. This is my opportunity to tell him everything. I can't just back out of it anymore. "About us,'' I say.

he takes a deep breath "What about us? Are you okay? You seem a little off today,'' he says looking at me. 

I look at him and then I realize this is it. This is my opportunity to tell him the truth but the fear is stronger than the courage inside me. He is looking at me, confused and a little worried and this is not supposed to be a big deal. 

this could have ended the night I told him about the kiss if I had just mentioned that it was gill but now it all seems like I lied intentionally because I have something to hide. 

"You know you can't talk to me about anything. I am not going to get upset,'' he pushes, probably sensing my hesitation. 

"What if I lied to you?'' I ask him and his face immediately turns to his slowly. It is stupid of me to think this is the right time to tell him about this. I am supposed to go back to work and I wouldn't be able to think straight if he is not talking to me. 

"What do you mean?'' he asks me. 

I take a deep breath and I shake my head because I can't take him looming the way he is looking at me right now "we should talk when I get home tonight,'' I tell him calmly because that is the best way to tell him the truth. In the comfort of our home, happy and sane. 

"You already brought it up, is this about the trip?'' he asks "Do you not want to go anymore?'' he adds. 

I shake my head slowly "No, it is not about the trip. I am not talking about the trip.'' I tell him because he seems too focused on this weekend trip. It is not that I am not excited, I just don't want to go anywhere right now with this lie looming over us. 

"Okay?'' he asks me and I can see him trying to understand why I am being so weird today. 

I nod my head and then he smiles at me "Is it about work? are things too stressful?'' he asks me worriedly. 

"No, work is good.'' I try to reassure him and he seems like he is about to say something else but then he doesn't. He seems to be debating with himself but then he shakes his head and looks back at the road. 

We get to the restaurant in complete silence and it seems like I have gone and fucked things up. I shouldn't have brought it up until I was ready to tell him. 

"You are too quiet; can we just go back to being all cute and lovey-dovey?'' I ask him with a smile as he parks the car. 

He turns to me slowly but there is no smile on his face "I actually have something to talk to you about,'' he breathes out and my heart thuds against my chest. Now it seems like he is on to something. Maybe he already knows and I am in trouble. 

"Okay,'' I manage because I don't know how to react to this.

"So, I talked to Adina and maybe I am not really okay with the kiss as I said I was,'' he confesses and this confuses me because I know we still have that fucking kiss looming over us but I was under the assumption that he wasn't even thinking about it anymore. 

"What do you mean?'' I ask him confused and curious. 

This should be a determining factor on whether I tell him or not. Even though deep down, I have already planned to. I am just scared that telling him will mess up a lot of things. 

"I don't know, I keep thinking about it and it is fueling up all these insecurities inside me. I hate that I have become this person but I can't stop worrying about it," he confesses, looking away from me slowly. 

I take a deep breath because he is being honest and it hurts to know that I am the one who did this to him. "I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say. Maybe not being completely honest about the whole thing is what has messed things up so badly.'' I tell him because how can I keep this from him when he has been so open with me. 

"What?'' he looks at me again, his eyes staring into mine in a way that feels too deep. 

"About the kiss, there is something I didn't tell you.'' 

I know I should just do this. I mean, this is for the best and there is no point keeping this from him--especially with the way I have been feeling since it happened. I don't know how to lie to him and this lie is only going to end up hurting our relationship. he might be upset with me once I tell him but it is better, he knows the whole truth than half of it. 

At least once the truth is out in the open, I wouldn't have to worry or lie anymore. 

"What?'' he asks me quietly. I see the fear in his eyes and I don't know what to do now, to wipe it off. "Just tell me,'' he adds a little louder. 

"It was Gill,'' I say and I watch him take it in, his eyes boring into mine and I know he is trying to find the truth in my words. 

"Gill, the guy you work with?'' he asks me slowly and I nod my head. 

He looks away from me again and this time, it feels like I have shattered his heart.