Chapter 205 - Ultimatum

Trick

Okay. 

Calm down Trick. 

This is not the end of the world. 

He is being honest with you. 

He loves you

That is all that matters.

All these comforting words that I give myself so that I don't overreact are not working. I feel betrayed and fucking pissed off. 

The first thought that comes to my head is, Why did he lie?

did he feel like he couldn't be honest with me? 

Am I not confrontable?

"Please say something,'' his voice is shaking and he sounds so unlike himself. I don't know what to say to him. I want to be upset with him; I want to scream at him right now but I don't even have the energy. I feel shattered and it is all because of a lie. 

"Ask me anything and I will answer,'' he adds. 

I look at him finally and there are tears in his eyes. The fact that he lied to me for so long is all I can think of. I just met the guy; all smiles and he didn't even think to tell me. 

I don't know how to comprehend this right now. 

"Trick,'' he calls me by the name only he calls me and just like my name, I feel tricked. I feel fucking betrayed right now. He wants me to speak, yell, he is looking for a reaction from me but I don't have one right now. 

"Can we just put a pause on this lunch. Let me drive you back to your office,'' I tell him and start the car again. He grabs my arm immediately, his attempt me to stop from leaving. 

"Don't do this, let us talk this through. I can explain,'' he cries. 

I don't push him away. His touch is still electric--no matter how upset I am. I still love him, even though I am heartbroken right now. I have a lot of questions but they are not the ones that he thinks. 

I start the drive back to his office, the office that I don't even want him working in anymore. I have so many regrets, one is this job that he has right now. the one that I helped him with. 

I get to his office quickly because sitting in this car with him right now is making me weak. It hurts more than anything has ever hurt. I just wanted to help him. He was in a funk and I pushed him into the arms of someone else. Is that what is even happening? 

Is he breaking up with me? 

Have we burned out? 

"I am not leaving this car until we talk. Please talk to me," he begs me.

I sigh and then run my hands through my head " I don't have anything to say right now, Jack. I don't know what you want me to say.'' 

He nods, he is getting a response from me. I am giving him what he wants but I don't even want this. I am scared that we would fight with this conversation. I am scared that he will break up with me. 

Yes, I am pissed the fuck off right now but I don't want to lose him, I don't want to break up. 

"Yes, Trick, shout, yell. tell me how much you hate me right now. Anything." he raises his hands up. 

"I don't hate you... do you want me to hate you?''

He shakes his head incessantly "No, I just want to talk about it." 

"You want to talk about how you lied to me, how you made a fool of me. Is that what we are doing?'' 

"No." he shakes his head again. 

"Then what?'' I ask him and he closes his eyes. 

"I want you to give me a chance to explain." 

"You said he was no one. That you didn't know him. Why did you lie?'' I ask him and he takes a long breath "I was scared,'' he admits. 

He is getting what he wants, just the way he always does. He is getting me to talk about this, even though I don't want to right now. 

"Did you kiss him back?" I ask him, it is the first question that comes to my mind. I just need to know if he even feels a shred of emotion for the guy. I saw this Gill guy earlier. he is very good-looking. the kind of looks that made me envious. Good-looking people are meant to be with good-looking people. I am average. I and jack shouldn't make sense. He makes more sense with Gill. 

"No, I didn't kiss him back,'' he answers me quickly. 

"then why did you lie to me when I asked. What was the point?'' 

"You were so upset when I told you about the kiss. Telling you that I didn't know the person just made more sense. I hated that I hurt you. I hated that this happened in the first place but I can't take it back, if I could, I would in a heartbeat." he says and I can't help but feel some guilt on my part. I made him feel like he couldn't be completely transparent with me. 

I overreacted when he told me about it. 

the fact that he told me about the kiss should have been enough. 

I made him worry about being honest. 

"I understand why you did it but you should have been honest with me," I tell him and he nods. 

"I know, I fucked up. I didn't think that I needed to tell you who he was. I didn't think that it would matter to you but I know that it does. I am sorry Trick; I should have told you." he apologizes and I don't know what to say to him. 

"I love you, and it hurts, but I love you. I don't want to break up," he speaks and I feel a bit relieved. 

"I don't either,'' I tell him and he holds me tight in his arms. 

"Can we move past this?'' I ask him and I think about this. There is only one way that I can get over this. 

"Yes.''

He pulls me into his arms and I welcome his electric touch because this is the only way that I can be happy. 

"I want you to quit.''