Chapter 209 - Regrets

Trick

"You have to go back home,'' Adina tells me with a serious expression plastered on her face. I know I am being a nuisance but I just want to figure out the shit that is going on in my head. 

I am acting a fool right now. 

I know that much. I have been thinking about the ultimatum I gave Jack. it was stupid and uncalled for but every voice in my head keeps telling me that it is the right thing to do. 

I don't know if I can even say that it is jealousy. I mean, I hate knowing that he is working with the guy that kissed him but it is not just about the kiss anymore. For the kiss to even have happened, there must have been an attraction and if they keep working together, that attraction will grow and intensify. It is inevitable and all I know is that when it happens, I will be left behind. 

Telling him to leave the job was the only option I had and I hate myself for this. I know how much that job means to him and now I don't even know how to fight all my insecurities. 

"I know." 

"He has been blowing up my phone Patrick, he wants to talk to you. You can't keep ignoring his calls," she tells me. 

It has been a week and I feel like I have used up all the strength I have inside me, in staying away from him. This time away was supposed to make me feel better, get my head in check but I feel worse. I haven't been able to sleep or eat and this stubbornness is not making things better. I am not even sure if I have the strength to face him right now. 

"I don't know what to say to him Adi.'' been

"You love him, Patrick, I know you do. Have some faith in that love, have some faith in how well you know each other. Listen to the little voice in your head. I know it is hard because you are scared but you can do this," she tells me and I wish I had her faith. I wish I was as confident as she is. 

"This isn't about fear, I feel like I have messed everything up,'' I confess because I don't like the way things turned out and maybe I have stayed away from the house because I am embarrassed with myself. I have been a fool; I have been the kind of person that I promised never to be. 

made the one person that I promised to always keep happy, sad and I don't know how to rectify it all. 

"Go home. that is all he wants from you. If you keep this distance from each other, you will eventually drift apart." 

She is right. I have to face him at some point and I have to apologize for all the things I said and did. 

I have to find a way to make him see that I am not trying to control him, that I am not being a possessive boyfriend. I have to show him that I trust him, that I believe in us. 

"I will come with you,'' she tells me. 

I just shake my head. "No, I need to do this on my own.'' 

"Okay, but you will call me when you get home, right?'' 

"I promise," I tell her and she smiles. I don't know how long I have been stupid for but all I want is him. I don't know if I am completely right in the head now but I just need to see him. 

I grab my phone from the counter table and my car keys next to it and walk out of the house "Thanks Adi,'' I call out before I leave the house. 

I get into my car and pull out my phone to dial his number but I freeze. For some reason, I have a feeling that he is not going to answer my call. I try to shake this feeling off but I can't.

"Come on,'' I mutter and press the call button. I bite down on my lower lip and wait for him to answer the phone. Almost immediately, it goes to his voicemail. 

"Jack, it's me. I am sorry for all the things I said and did. I wasn't thinking straight and I was scared. I know how much that job means to you and I shouldn't have gone to the extent of telling you to leave it. I know that you are mad at me and I understand why. Please call me back, please. I love you." I hang up and put my phone away. 

I drive to the house and when I go up to the front door, I take a deep breath. 

His car is in the driveway, which means he should be home. I enter the front door; everything is just the way I remember it. 

I left our home in anger and now, it all just seems so farfetched. I have immediate regrets. I wish I handled things better. 

I check every room in the house but he is not home. This has me worried because it is almost six in the evening. He should be back from work. 

Right? been

I go back downstairs and check the garage. I don't even know why I am so worried about him. He can be late; he is an adult. I know that but I can't help but feel this dread in my bones. 

He is not back from work and I try to tell myself that I am overthinking. I have to call Lance. Maybe he is with him. 

I dial Lance's number and he answers on the first ring. 

"Hey,'' he says calmly. 

"Is Jack with you?'' I ask him and he is quiet for a minute. I just want to know that he is with him. At least, then I don't have to worry. I have so much to apologize for and I need to see him first. 

"He should be home; I spoke to him like an hour ago." been

"He isn't here,'' I tell him and he is quiet for a long time this time." 

"Do you think they kept him late at work?" 

Outside, I hear thunder and look out at the sky. It is about to rain and he is not here. This makes me worry even more. 

"He can't be at work Patrick, he quit today.''

This is what I wanted but now that I am not so sure anymore.