Chapter 219 - Vulnerability

Trick 

I walk into the front door and I see him on the small chair by the door. He looks up immediately he sees me and I smile at him, even though I can tell that something is wrong. 

"Hey, I stretch my hand out and he takes it in his. I pull him closer to me and he rests his face in the crook of my neck "How was your day?'' I ask him. 

His grip on my hand tightens and I can tell my question makes him think about his day. "Okay'' he says and I can tell he is lying, so I tighten my grip on him just a bit more. I look into his eyes and I can tell that he is trying to tell me something. 

"Are you okay?'' I ask him. 

He shakes his head and I see that he is fighting back tears. jack is not emotional, he has control of his feelings--most times but recently, it feels like he is trying so hard. I don't know what is going on.

"Something happened and I need to tell you,'' he mutters still in my arms. 

I move him away from me so I can look at him full in the face. "Jack, what happened?'' I ask him. He closes his eyes and I can tell that this is really hard for him. I don't like that he is finding it hard to tell me something. I mean, we are supposed to be able to talk to each other about anything but it seems like he is scared of talking to me. 

I don't want that. 

"Jack, please...." 

He looks at me and I can see that he is trying to stop his tears "Promise me you won't be upset,'' he tells me. 

I furrow my brows because he is just confusing me now "I won't get upset, I promise.'' I tell him because I need him to know that he shouldn't be afraid to talk to me. I know this is happening because of that kiss and everything that happened with it. He is still walking on eggshells around me. 

"He called me today,''

I know who he is talking about. like I said, this has to do with the kiss. We are back to the kiss again. 

"Why? what did he want?'' I ask him. 

He closes his eyes for a second "I don't know, I didn't give him the chance to say anything. I didn't want to upset you.'' he breathes out. 

I know what this is. 

This is all my fault. 

I have made my partner weak. 

I somehow messed with how good we were. 

He is crying right now because of a call. something so insignificant but because of me, I made it something big. 

"Jack, look at me,'' I tell him. He doesn't and I grab his chin and force him to look at me. I can see the tears in his eyes and the pain written on his face. I hate that I am doing this to him. "I am sorry,'' I tell him, looking at the ground because I know what this is my fault. I didn't mean to do this. I didn't mean to ruin our relationship this much. "I am sorry,'' I tell him again, looking in his eyes. "I am sorry,'' I say again and I can't take it anymore. I need to apologize for being such a terrible boyfriend. 

"I don't understand,'' he manages probably confused. 

"You haven't done anything wrong. You can take his call; you can talk to other guys. I made you weak. I made you vulnerable. I am sorry,'' I tell him and I just can't take it anymore, I pull him in for a hug. He cries into my shirt and I just hold him close. I am sorry. 

**************************

Once Jack finally sleeps, I leave the room and go down the stairs. I said it before, deep down. I knew that I had messed things up but I thought things were repairable--fuck, I have to fix this but I don't know what to do. 

I made a mess of things and I don't know what to do to fix it. 

It is eleven in the night; I should be asleep but I can't with everything. 

I decide to go for a walk and think about what I have done. 

I don't even know how long I walk for until I find myself in Lance's house. I need to talk to someone and I know that it is late and this is weird but I have run out of options. I can't leave things like this because it is only going to get worse. He is not okay; he says he is but I can tell. 

Something is going on and I don't know how to fix it. 

I grab my phone from my pocket and dial his number. I see his light brighten from the window and I know I just woke him up as he answers the call. 

"Hey, is everything okay?'' he asks immediately. 

"Yeah, I just need to talk to you. Did I wake you up?'' I ask him. 

"No, I was awake. What is wrong?'' he asks me. I know he is lying, probably so I don't feel bad for waking him up. 

"Can you come out for a sec?" 

I see his shadow and I know he is coming out. "Yeah, I will be right there,'' he says and ends the call. 

I wait by the door and I hear footsteps approaching. The door opens and I see Lance standing in front of me in his pajamas. "What's going on?'' he asks me and I look at him. I just need someone to talk to.

"I messed things up with Jack,'' I tell him and he gives me a weird look. 

"How bad?'' he asks me and I bite my lip. I want to tell him that I made him weak and that I ruined our relationship. 

I open my mouth to say it but I can't. 

"Tell me what happened,'' he tells mend I know that he is waiting for me to tell him.

I take a deep breath and I start telling him everything. "I just drove him crazy because of that fucking kiss. everything in our relationship falls back to it. I don't know what to do."

I am talking to him, hoping I can do better. 

Be better.