Chapter 77 - Possibilities

"S-she tried to kiss me but I pushed her away.." He looked into my eyes.

I shook my head. I don't wanna believe him. He's a liar and if I let myself trust him again, I would surely be wrecked.

His face showed how hurt he is, his eyes turned red as he face palmed in front of me.

"Please..can't you..trust me?" He asked..

I don't know If I could trust him again. We don't have any relationship, we aren't lovers and of course we aren't anything like that!

After all the pain he caused me. I endured it alone.. He's so unfair that I come to the point of giving him everything and nothing left with me..

But why do I still received pain? Do I really deserved this?

I cried again and this time I didn't let him touch me. I stepped back and shook my head.

"Don't..touch me, Noah!" I gave him a disappointed look.

"Raine, I pushed her away! I didn't even kissed her!" He looked hopeless now.

The veins on his neck is now showing. It hurts that I can't believed him..

Maybe this is because of all the pain he'd caused me. He had his chance to avoid Dana that night, but he choose to let her touch him. And why is that? He can't tell me that he didn't liked it.

Yeah. That hurts. It's impossible that he didn't liked it.

"Please don't get jealous baby.. It was you, I love.. No one could ever have my heart but you," He tries to come to me but I stepped back again.

"This is more than just a jealousy, Noah. You hurt me and I'm so angry!" I shouted. I want him to know how angry I am. I don't care if knew what's really bothering me.

I don't need any excuses too..

"When she comes to you, you should've avoided her! Ah, of course I'm not there.. And another thing, you don't give a damn since I'm not your fucking girlfriend and I fucking hate you for toying with my feelings!"

Damn it!

"No, baby.." He shook his head. "Don't say that.."

I get how he patiently waited for me but.. Flirting with Dana while courting me? That's a big slap on my face. I didn't felt this before and I think I'll never let myself feel this again.

I'm a fragile too.. I easy break..

"Raine.." He weakly muttered.

I wiped my tears and looked at him straightly in his eyes. I could see the pain and regret on it and it gives me more pain for that.

I sigh and tried to control my feelings, because I know I could easily break for him.

"If y-you're holding back your..f-feelings for her, because you're pitying me.. Don't," I shook my head. I swear, I don't know If I can do this. "I'm s-sure, I'll be..f-fine.." I gulped. "N-not now..but s-soon.."

My eyes watered again. My heart is aching too much. This is really heart breaking. I feel like I was ripping inside. I feel like someone's pounding my chest and break me like a freakin' glass..

"Hell no, baby! That will never be happened! I have moved on from her and I started to love again because of you.. So please.. Stop saying bullshits, baby.. I didn't want this too.." He pleaded.

I wanna cursed at him for saying that. It's always been easy for him, it's like I'm just the one who's struggling..

"You're so unfair, Noah! When you're hurting me it's like you didn't do anything wrong and I'm just the only one who's making it hard for me! You're so unfair!" I really burst out in anger.

He stunned while looking at me. Yeah, this time I would make him understand how unfair he is to me. That's the best thing to do before letting him go..

I want to cry again when I thought about it.. But I need to be brave..

"Maybe.." I muttered and smiles bitterly. "Maybe this is my fault for falling in love with a guy who's broken hearted and still in love with ex-girlfriend.."

His eyes widened. He tries to come to me again while shaking his head. I can see the tears falling from his face. No, he won't cry for me. Maybe because he just felt sorry for hurting me like this.. At least now, he already knows how much he's hurting me.

"I-if you want to get back to h-her, d-dont stop y-yourself.." I'm stopping myself for crying. My tears are preparing to fall down again, shit!

"Why are you saying that! I'm not going back to her even if you pushed me away!" He looked mad now.

That's right, Noah. Be angry, so I could easily let you go..

"Why are you pushing me to her, Raine? Do you know how it hurts me? Do you know that it breaks my heart seeing you like this?" He touched my face. My eyes are still on the floor and I don't have any plans to looked at him again.

I might betray my own decision again and crawled back to him like a freakin' loser.

"This maybe the hardest thing to do.." I wiped my tears that's still rapidly falling from me eyes.

"No.." He shook his head. He already have an idea what will happened after this..

"I love you.." I muttered and kissed him for the last time.. "But I had to let you go.."

And after that I rushed to run away from him. I left him alone in his apartment and silently crying here inside the elevator.

I used all my time to cry on my room that time. I didn't even eat or even go outside. My friends are alternating on knocking my door but I'm just ignoring them. I know they're worried now, but I don't need anybody's sympathy and comfort now. I only want to be alone..

Two days have passed but I'm still like that. I didn't even go to work, 'cause I feel like I'm going to be stupid for him again.

Should I just resigned?

No. I think that's not a good choice. He would only think that I can't face him.

I heard a knock on my door so I just rolled my eyes. I know that's my friends again. Sam was here everyday, she's helping the two on convincing me but I'm still stubborn. I hope they would understand me.

"Raine! Damn it! I fucking endured this for a long time, huh! I swear if you don't go out there, I would call Noah to dragged you out of there!" Jess's shouts that made my eyes widened.

"Are you sure about this, Jessy?" I heard Gia's worried voice.

"Of course! That brat is so stubborn! Imagined she didn't eat for two fucking days? Does she have a plan to starved to death! She'll just tell me and I'll be the one to kill her!" She's mad.

I pouted as I hear their conversation outside. This isn't a sound proof so I can hear them here.

"Call him now, Gia," Jess's ordered that made my eyes got bigger.

She's really serious with that?

"Hey, are you sure this will help, Raine?" Sam's worried I guess.

I bit my lip in nervousness. I hope she's just joking. Fuck!

"She's calm when Noah's here so we need to call him, did you contact--" She didn't get to say what she's ought to when I opened the goddamn door.

Their eyes widened when they saw me. I glare that them when I saw Gia's phone with Noah's number. Fuck! They'll really call him!

I rolled my eyes and went to the living room. They looked like a zombie who's walking like a stupid towards me. I'm not prepared for their unending questions so I just zipped my mouth and turn my eyes on the floor.

Seriously? Their eyes are intimidating!

"Do you think she lost her mind now?" Jess's asked while they're still looking at me.

"No. I think she's broken," I pouted to what Gia says. She's major in Psychology so she can really read minds and actions.

"Do you think so?" Sam's eyes widened and glanced at Gia.

They all turn their eyes at me and I think I don't have any escape now.

I sigh, "Can I eat first?" I asked.

Their faces suddenly enlightened. Jess's rushed to go to the kitchen and prepare for the foods. My heart melts for their efforts. I also feel sorry for making them worried.

I'm a bad friend..

"Taste it! You frustrates us a lot, be thankful that I didn't put any poison on you food," She rolled her eyes.

I just chuckled and tries her teriyaki wings. It's really a miracle that I didn't feel any hunger for two days. I only want is to sleep and forget about him. But now, I feel like my stomach is still empty where I almost eat everything that they cooked.

Geez. I'm so pig.

"Eat more," Sam put some grilled pork on my spoon with rice.

I smiled and eat it. We eat together and after that we sat on the living room and continue their interrogation.

I bit my lip and started to tell the what happened. Their mouths are slightly opened when I finished my words.

Fuck! What will they think?

"So..y-you let him..g-go?" Jess's eyes looked sad. My heart sank again with her question.

Yeah. I let him go because that's the best thing to do..

"I don't wanna pushed myself to the person who's not yet done loving his ex-girlfriend.." I answered while my eyes watered again.

Sam and Gia went beside me and caressed my back. I cried and they gave me tissue. Fuck! These girls really prepared for two boxes of tissue!

"I get that you got hurt.." Jess's still looked sad. "But don't you think he wouldn't gone that far if he doesn't really love you?"

She talking about the time when Noah chased me on my home town and comforted me. I suddenly remember how caring and sweet he was that time.

Fuck! I wish we could go back that time again..

"Do you think he would do that because he's just worrying?" She asked. I think I know what she's trying to imply.

I suddenly felt nervous when she said that. I can hear the sound of my heart beat as I stare at Jessy.

Damn it.

To be continued..