Chapter 160 - The Truth

"Did you came here to finally say goodbye to me?"

Those words suddenly came out in me, not thinking if it would hurt him or not. I wanted to end this now, I'm too tired for always waiting for this..

His broad shoulders turned to me, holding his camera with him. I'm not expecting him to apologize for what happened since he seemed like he really meant what he did.

"I'm sorry for what I did earlier.."

He licked his lower lip, shaking his head while looking guilty.

"You could've kill my friend if I didn't shout, Noah," I tried my best to stifle my anger. I had to be calm as much as possible..

"But he's going to kiss you.."

That also terrifies me earlier but I never asked him to stop it in that kind of way. It's so unfair with Jacob.

"So? What is it to you, then?"

It was intentionally to attack his ego and I was just encouraging myself to stay strong. My legs are already shaking.

"I still love you, Raine.." He moved closer to me, trying to get my whole attention.

I saw this coming. But I never expect him to be this shameless. He never loved me. He chose to hurt me when he knows that I am deeply in love with him.

What an asshole.

"I can't move on from you baby..I can't.." His voice softened.

Our faces were just a few meters away and I need to resist it. I had to show him that he doesn't affect me anymore, and with that he might get the reason of moving on now.

Why am I the only one who suffers the most? It's really unfair. I always be the one who experience the pain the most.

"Stop loving me, then." I answered in a coldest way, looking away to avoid his painful expression.

I'm holding out the feelings that's keeping my chest hurt. "I can't be your baby anymore..I will never go back again, Noah."

Those 2 years that keeps me strong with my two feet was never easy. Maybe, It really taught me how to become stronger and fight the pain that waiting for me when we see each other.

And I guess, this is it.. This is the right rime..

"Do you.." He paused, he seemed uncertain to what he's about to ask. "D-do you--"

"Let's separate ways now, Noah." I cut him. It will make me feel at peace If I was the one who ends it. "Stay away from me forever.."

He moved back, loosening his grip on my hands looking shocked with what I've said. I don't expect that It feels so heavy when I finally said it now..

I must be crazy for thinking that I can't see him hurting like this.. That I wanted to hold his hands and bring him to my arms.

Damn. I must be really crazy.

"No.." He sounds in pain, shaking his head. "Don't you love me anymore? Is it really gone, Raine? Can't you give me another chance?"

The way his voice shakes in pain, and with the way he begged me with those desperate eyes. God! It's damn hard for me.

I don't know If I still love him or not anymore..

Now, I'm already confused with my feelings. Does my feelings didn't change?

My brows furrowed. Why do I suddenly felt confused with my feelings now? Why do I feel like I still love him? No. It can't be.

"Let's end this now. I want my life to be at peace, Noah. Without you around me, forever.." I swallowed hard, gripping the hem of the fabric of my shirt. I even bit my lower lip to stop my tears from falling. Damn..

The tears in his eyes gives me a heavy feeling inside. The way he bit his lips and shakes his head. I know he don't agree with my decision. We've been through a lot and I think it's time for us to stop now. I'd give up everything just to achieve the happiness of single one of us.

It's my greatest decision which I know will be the best for us.. I hope this ending will taught us a lesson.

"But I love you, Raine. What am I going to do now?" He looked hopeless, those swollen eyes were the proof of his pain.

I just gave him a quick smile, "If you love me, you won't try to cheat on me and make me feel insecure all along.."

"Can't you forgive me, baby?" He begged.

"I already forgave you, Noah. Even when you haven't show up yet, I already accepted that we're not really meant for each other,"

"Don't say that, Raine.. We can be together if--"

"NOAH! Please. If you don't feel sorry for us, then at least worry for yourself! Wake up! We're not in a drama like you and I can be together, we don't even know what future might be waiting for us!" I finally said those words now. I was trying to say that to him the moment he tries to persuade me again.

I don't believe with such fairly tales, it doesn't happen in real life. We live in a world where we just meant to explore things and not to engaged with it.

There's no such things like that..

"This is gonna be the last.." I looked at him with my bravest might. He just looked away, obviously avoiding my gaze. But that's fine, I understand if he doesn't want to see me after this. "Stop chasing and move forward baby.."

After that, I immediately turned my back at him. I'm trying to halt my tears as I'm still closed to him. It was tempting me to cry already but the fear of making him see that, keeps me to walk faster away from him.

I don't care if my foot already hurts from walking with those scars from my sneakers earlier, the important for me now is that fact that he's not stopping me anymore.

It's really a goodbye for us.

But I haven't gone far from him, I already felt a tight embrace as his warm body wrapped around my waist. He's hugging me behind and my tears started to fall now. I can't stop it anymore, it's taking all my inhibitions away.. Fuck!

"Please, don't leave me.." His cries filled my empty space. Damn it, Noah.

It won't take longer, I'll just do what my heart wants.

I held both of his cheeks and gave him a warm hug. Once he rested his face on my shoulder, I immediately hear a small sobs from him. And I even felt the pain for that.

I stroke my hand towards his back, caressing it to at least relieved the pain that he's feeling. Even if he's the one who hurt me, I still care for him. I don't want to see him wasted again..

"T-that day.." He said while sobbing.

"You don't have to explain now.. I already forgive you, Noah." I can feel my heart right now, beating so goddamn fast.

How long since I felt his tight embrace? It's been so long..

"When you went to my u-unit.." He added, but now he let go of our hug and looked at me seriously.

"A-and?" I blinked, remembering that time.

"Dana's family went bankrupt and I was the one that her dad wishes to help his daughter.." He looked sad while reminiscing the past.

"Those times that I'm neglecting my top priority, you." He looked at me. "I'm fucking stressed baby.. I don't know how to make up to you if Dana keeps threatening me that she'll take her life If I don't come to her place that time.. I was left no choice and I can't even tell it to you, because I know you've been suffering too.."

I felt so nervous while hearing all those words.. It feels like he kept this all by himself for a long time and he just let it out this time.

Damn.

"I know I'm the one to blame for making you feel unworthy.. I apologize for that baby.." The tears in my eyes keeps falling and my eyes feels swollen for that! "Dana asked for my help again when she doesn't have a place to stay and I had no choice but to let her sleep on my unit.."

I gasped for knowing that. I don't even have the words to say for it. It's making me damn confused with what really happened that day.

"Believe me, Raine. I didn't slept on my unit because I didn't want to sleep on the same roof with her.. I also forgot to tell you then, I was so stressed that day that I slept on Pierre's house.." He sighed.

"Y-you slept there?" I asked, eyes are widening.

He nodded and brushed his hair upwards.

"He let me sleep in his unit because I begged him to let me in--"

"You should've just asked me!" I hissed. Getting stressed with what happened.

"You know I can't do that anymore to you baby. I can't give you another problem with mine, I don't want to be a burden,"

"You know that's not true, Noah. You're my life before, my strength, and my love.." My voice lowered. I looked away as I saw a bit hope in his eyes.

If he just asked for my help before, then this wouldn't happened to us.

"I felt so sorry for Dana before that's why I decided to bring her foods and clothes to wear but.." He bit his lower lip, looking hurt with what happened. "You were there.. And the worst, you caught her wearing my shirt. I swear, I fucking don't know about it. I was also shocked when I saw it baby.."

He looked so desperate on making me believed him. Noah's telling the truth, I can see that. He's not liar too, I know he can't lie to me.

But this is our fate.. We have to accept that we can't be together and this happened, because we can't love each other anymore..

I smiled at him and wiped my tears while shaking my head. The hope in his eyes were giving me a damn sick feeling.

I pushed him a little, "Thank you for telling me the truth, Noah.."

It somehow gives me the relief that he didn't really cheat on me. That's already enough.

I would pray for his happiness..

"Let's finally say our goodbyes.." I kissed his cheeks. "Take care baby.."

To be continued..