Chapter 175 - Can't See You As A Friend

I'm not a coward, I used to show my insights before but then when everything turned upside down. I didn't know what to feel anymore. I was afraid that one day I'll be alone again..

That everyone around me will eventually leave me once they became tired of me..

My feelings..I don't even know if I can still feel content with everyone.. It feels like it's still not enough. Like everyone around me were just temporary. I don't know anymore... The fact that I avoid people who's close to me makes me feel bad more..

If I push them away, I keep going back to the time where I can still choose whatever I pleased. It's getting harder and I wanted to cry because I can't endure it anymore.

I was scared that maybe one day, if he gets tired of me and leave..I'll only realized what I really feel about him. That I might regret it later..

Things only go around like this. Like we didn't know what's happening around us, but the truth is.. We're just avoiding the truth, we can't accept it so we choose to turned a blind eye.

Hypocrite isn't?

But that's my only way to protect my heart. I didn't want to fall for another heartbreak again..

"I'm going to do this for myself. I can't let them have my book, my mom gave it to me.." I whispered and tries to come to Jacob but he immediately got my wrist.

He pulled it away as I hold the shot glass. My heart keeps beating so fast that I can't even hear the music but only my sound inside my chest. Oh god.

"You don't have to do this," He says, clenching his jaw.

He's mad.

"Hey, Jacob. Don't be such a kill joy, Raine will--"

"Forget it," he cuts Jessy. "She won't do it."

"But--"

He pulled my hand away from there. I don't know but I just let him do that, I wanted to talk to him too. I'm going crazy thinking about that night and I need to clear up my mind. He can only answer my question right now..

He dragged me out of the bar and bring me to the parking lot. We're the only one's here. It seems like no one's walking here too.

"Why are you avoiding me?" The sadness and anger in his voice wakes me from my deep thoughts.

I can't know.. I don't wanna know..

"J-jacob.."

"Is it because of that night? Are you avoiding me because I told you how I feel?"

As much I thought about it over and over again. I'm still going to choose to become a dumb.. So I wouldn't have to remember what he said that night..

I'm going crazy.. And I don't have the courage to say what I feel for him..

"Raine.." He called. "I'm not going to take it back. It maybe sound so disrespectful for our friendship but..I can't look at you as a friend anymore.."

"W-why.." I muttered. "Why?"

"You know what I mean, Raine.." He looked at me. "When I kissed you that night, I know you felt it.. My feelings for you, you felt it.."

Damn it.

"I know you're just thinking that I am drunk that night but no.. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm saying.. It's my heart who speaks for me, Raine.." His words were slowly piercing my heart. I feel like it will kinda leave some scar after that.

Jacob was a great friend to me and I didn't imagine that we're going to end up like this..

*Flashback*

"Happy birthday, Jacob!"

I was happy for Jacob right now. He can finally smile genuine and happily. And if anyone who dares to take it away from him, I'll be the one to punish them.

It's his first time to celebrate his birthday after being alone for how many years. He deserves to be happy..

"Thank you for coming everyone. You didn't know how you made me feel so content tonight."

I was here, Jacob. I will always be here for you..

"And to all my friends who did their very best to prepare this simple and wonderful party.. I'm so grateful that you made feel so special tonight,"

"Stop that chessy line! Go and thank the person who makes your night so romantic!" Everyone teases.

I blushed as their attention diverted to me. Some are smiling and the others were teasing us.. I didn't know what to do for that, I am so much embarrassed to what's happening right now.

But the nervousness that I'm feeling right now has doubled as I saw the figure of a familiar man, watching me from a far. I can't see his reaction since it's dark, but I can feel that he's watching me..

I don't have an idea why he's here and if Jacob invites him. But how? They didn't even know each other..

"Hey, what are you looking there?" I heard Jacob asked and glanced to what I'm looking.

But Noah immediately left right after I glanced at Jacob. I felt relieved that he didn't saw him.

And I'm surprised when he suddenly grabbed my face and turned it to him. I can hear the loud screams of our friends and classmates, but Jacob seems to enjoy it. His eyes were shining so bright tonight as his whole attention was focused on me.

His eyes were telling me that he's happy... And I'm thankful that I was able to witnessed it.

"Thank you for staying by my side and for being a good friend.." He smiles. "I'll protect you at all cost, Raine.."

He hugged me tightly after that, I was surprised but I just let him. His tight embrace feels warm around me and I can't help but to hug him back.

The smell of his perfume was different but it makes me feel like It was made for me to smell it on his body.

"Don't ever change okay?" He whispered.

"You like what I am today?"

"Mmm.." He nodded.

"Why? Because I'm pretty?"

"Mmm," he agrees.

I laughed. I didn't know that he can be honest right now.

"Have you eaten?" He asked as he guided me on the chair beside us.

"No," I giggled.

He sighed, "You should eat now, you just wait here I'll go get some food for you,"

He even made some high-five with Harry as he headed towards the food area. I don't even have to do right now so I just watched his back. He really looked so happy even in his back.

"Here!" I watched him placed all the food on the table with a smile on his face.

He won't really last a day without smiling. That's one of the things that makes him looked cuter.

"I even brought you some watermelons, you like them?"

"Yeah. Just make sure that it tastes good," I warned.

"I'll taste it first, then,"

He immediately eat a piece of it before I could get some. This guy's making me flinched most of the time.

"It's good. You should eat it now," He gave me the plate.

I took it and eat some. I immediately smiled as soon as I tastes the sweetness of the watermelon. Oh god, why is it so good?

"Is it that good that you even smiled after eating it?" He chuckled, brushing his hair through his nape.

"I love sweet watermelons. It makes me feel at ease.." I also eat the food that he brought for me.

After eating, I immediately felt so lazy that I just wanted to sleep feelings full with the foods that Jacob gave me. It's weird that I didn't want to leave but I wanted to lie down now.

"You wanted to sleep here?" He asked.

"What?"

"I m-mean..it's late..y-you should stay the n-night with y-your..f-friends.." He said, biting his lips.

I laughed. "Okay,"

His face brightened and we decided to go to his room. I felt so sticky so when he asked me if I want to wash up, I immediately agreed with him.

I should go to sleep after that.

Jacob let me use his bathroom and I'm thankful that he still have my clothes before, I was able to change with a new one tonight.

"You done?" He asked after I got off the bathroom.

"Yeah," I walked over the mirror wearing my sweatpants and my white oversized shirt.

I once wore this during our Physical Education subject, he accidentally poured the juice on my shirt and it even leaked on my sweatpants on the cafeteria. He offered to wash it so I let him and after that, I always forgot to take it from him.

I was also happy to know that Jessy brought some extra undies.

"You want that?" He points at the medal that I didn't know I was staring. I didn't noticed him too.

He's wearing his white hoodie and his gray sweatpants.

He walked over me and I was surprised when he sat beside me leaned closer. "Can I ask you something, Raine?"

He's even swallowing hard that I can see his Adam's apple moving rapidly up and down. I was the one who feels anxious for what he's going to say.

"Would you tell me something about your ex..?"

My brows furrowed after hearing it. Why would he wants to know about Noah?

And why now? I can't predict what he's thinking, I can only see his eyes who looked so sad and serious..

"W-well--"

I was going to say it but then I felt his lips on mine. It's fast but..it took all my strength away, making me stilled and preoccupied..

The words that I was about to say earlier has already fades. I was so shocked that even my mouth parted.

"I like you, Raine.. And It may seem so pathetic but.. I wish you could love me as much as you love him too.."

Is he confessing?

*End of flashback*

"I won't take it back, Raine. And I have decided." My eyes turned to him. "I'm not going to give up on you.." Jacob.. To be continued..