Chapter 381: Moving ahead

During breakfast, Joshua glanced at the girl every now and then as he tried to find out more about her dream, only to receive her silence as the answer. "Ivy, could you please tell me about your dream?" When he realized that nothing would work on her, he resorted to pleading, and for the first time during breakfast, Ivy looked up to meet his eyes. However, it did not last for long and she shifted her eyes away from him.

"No." 

"Please, baby. I want to know." He pleaded and held her left hand tightly in his making the girl roll her eyes.

"Fine. Before that, answer one question of mine."

"Anything baby." The man promised and Ivy narrowed her eyes, doubting his words for a second. "You do not have to doubt me. I will give you my word." Joshua added seeing her questioning gaze.

"In that case, tell me. What happened to you that day?" Ivy put forth her question and folded her hands, putting on a solemn expression, and this time Joshua's face lost its smile. He dropped her hand and retreated back, comprehending her question carefully. "Think about it and tell me. It is fine if you want to keep it a secret, I don't mind." 

Ivy also gave him an option to back out and Joshua's heart skipped a beat hearing her words. He knew how horribly he had hurt her and had not given her any explanation for his behavior. Joshua had been with a lot of women before and he more or less knew that this was not the way they behaved in such circumstances. Any other woman would have demanded an explanation for his rude behavior. But Ivy had not done so and that was what made her special. 

She had not asked him a word about it and had even given him time to tend to his matters. 'I cannot hide this matter from her anymore. She deserves to know the truth, more than anybody else. I cannot hurt her this way.' Making up his mind, Joshua took a deep breath.

"Ivy, do you know about my ex-girlfriend?"

His question made the girl frown and she tried to remember the details she had heard about the woman. "I guess so. Why do you ask?"

"Ivy, her name is Amber..."

"Ahh, now I remember. You had told me about her. What about her?" She enquired and leaned forward, assuring him silently that she was still here and was listening to him.

"That day, I had received a call from her for the first time in years and all my past came gushing into my mind. I could not control myself and I..." Joshua could not continue any longer and he stopped suddenly.

"And you drank alcohol to relieve the pain. Am I right?" Ivy questioned and Joshua nodded. He was so lost in his remorse that he had missed the way Ivy had spoken to him. Her tone had softened considerably and she was not angry either.

"Yes. I should not have done so. But I couldn't control myself. It's just-its's just something snapped inside me and I.."

"I understand Jo. You do not have to explain any further." Ivy held his hand and patted his biceps, trying to console him.

Her words shocked the man greatly and he gaped at her, "You do?"

"Yes, I do. I understand. Although I have no idea how close you two were in the past, she had been a part of your life and you liked her too." Ivy could not bring herself to say the love here. So, she decided to settle on like. Her heart hurt as she thought about the woman in her man's life. Yet, she could do nothing. It was all in the past. "I am not sure if you still have some lingering feelings for her..."

"No Ivy, I don't. I don't have any feelings for her. They died the day she left me." Joshua interrupted her at once and pressed on her hand trying to convey his true thoughts.

"I know Joshua. I know. You might not have feelings for her and they may have vanished over time. But that does not erase the fact that she still affects you in some way." Ivy added and sighed lightly when her own words made her heart ache.

"No Ivy. She means nothing to me and nothing about her affects me in any way." Joshua refuted her at once and Ivy did not know how to proceed, seeing the man on the verge of breakdown. She left her chair, went to the man, and sat on his lap.

Caressing the man's face softly, she held his gaze. "Joshua, sometimes we would have given a lot of control to someone that we will never realize how badly they affect us even if they are not present. I don't know much about your past. But I can clearly see that she still affects you and don't deny it. You were so vexed the day you got her call that you succumbed to alcohol."

"But..." Joshua wanted to stop the girl from continuing. Although he wanted to refuse her claims, he knew somewhere in his mind that she was right. Amber had occupied a large part of his life and he still thought about her occasionally. Although it did not hurt him as much as it did before he got together with Ivy, his heart had not crossed the stage yet for him to completely forget the girl and move ahead.

"Shh," Ivy placed her finger on his lips and shushed him. "Baby, it's not your fault that the girl left you. She must have been blind to have ignored such a gem. But I am thankful that she did. Otherwise, I would never have found you and got together with you. You," Ivy pointed her finger near his heart and enunciated each word clearly, "Are a good person, in fact, the best. So, don't doubt yourself."

"Really? Are you telling the truth?" Joshua held her hand and asked the question again wanting to confirm her thoughts.

"Yes. You can trust me on it. Ivy will not choose any average man as her boyfriend. I have high standards." Ivy winked at him and Joshua let out a helpless smile. His mood improved significantly and his smile widened. 

Unable to control himself, Joshua hugged the girl, startling her for a second. But she later reciprocated his gesture. "Thank you, Ivy. Thank you for coming into my life."

Ivy patted his back. However, she did not forget to add, "I am not asking you to forget her completely, Joshua. That is not practically possible. But may I request you to stop giving her the control over your life? You are you and she is she. Nobody can control you, not even I. You will only hurt yourself if you hand over your life to somebody else." Ivy muttered and Joshua understood what she wanted to convey.

"I understand, Ivy. I will not allow Amber to affect me from now on." Joshua promised and Ivy did not speak further as she sensed that the man had understood her.

The couple stayed this way for a long time and the serious moment finally broke, when Joshua put forth his question again. "Now, tell me about your dream. What did you see?"

Ivy pulled back instantly. His sudden question made Ivy grit her teeth and before she could try to evade it, Joshua shook his head. "You promised me, baby. I hope you won't go back on your words."

Ivy huffed, irked by his charming smile that had landed itself on his equally attractive face. "Fine. I dreamt that we had sex."