Chapter 126 - Memories Pt.2

For younger him being called a "debby downer" was quite the shock since he thought he was hiding it well. Since young they were both trained on how to hide their emotions and went through a lot of brutal training to get this far in life. Yet within a couple of glances his best friend had managed to see that was something wrong. Either he felt too comfortable and let down his defences or Xi Long was better at reading him than he thought. It didn't help that he continued speaking and said "what happened tell me, don't act like I haven't noticed your sneak glances or the way you've been stressed about something for a while now. Your face looks like a raccoon are you waiting to look like a panda before speaking. Tell me what is it." Hearing those words sent him into a spiral. At the time he had just dropped his jaw in response and stared at him with bewilderment. 

He even remembered the thoughts running through his mind at the time despite it being over ten years ago. He had sat on one of their couches stretched out on his back when Xi Long dropped the comment on him. His body immediately went into a sitting position and his face just froze. It was one of the longest debates he had mentally when he considered telling Xi Long or not. Of course it was in his plan to tell him at some point but not so soon when he was unprepared. Current him chuckled at young him's panic, in retrospect he could have lied about what it is that bothered him. He could have said school, family, training, literally anything and Xi Long would have probably believed him. Yet for a teenager who had been agonizing over something it was as if he had become exposed. The question, although harmless, was directly targeting something he wanted to hide. So him laying there shocked was his first mistake and instant defeat. When you want to hide something the guiltier you look. Part of him was interested to know Xi Long's version of the events and how he looked to him at the time. In his mind he was a like a child with his hand caught in a cookie jar. 

He wasn't sure how long it took before he spoke."What....make you think anything is wrong? I'm fine." Which may have been convincing if not for the disturbed look in his eyes, even he knew he was not doing a good job of pushing it off. What made it worse was that Xi Long did not even directly admonish him or say that he was lying. He just sat there silently looking at him with concern, just waiting for him to answer. Though he knew that Xi Long cared for him it was one of the first moments he could directly see it in his eyes. They grew up together ever since their fathers had become best friends who then insisted their children be the same. Little Xi Long was a cutie but as soon as they started training his emotions were more restrained. In their teens it was the peak of Xi Long trying to be a good son so his expressions had almost become nil. Therefore him dropping that act and showing concern visibly was a huge step and sent warmth into his small body.

"I...I am...was thinking about something but I am not sure if you are ready to hear it."

"I can take whatever you want to say." Was Xi Long's response, stupidly calm while he himself was in the middle of an panic attack. 

Now at this point since he had come so far he was determined to say it but the choice of words was an issue. What if after saying it Xi Long stopped wanting to be friends? Or if he became worried that he was attracted to him? While he loved Xi Long it was as a brother and he saw online what happened to other people when they came out. Some were accepting but some said that they felt a distance between his friends. As if they could not be too close anymore in fear that that something would happen to them. That was one of his biggest hesitations in telling Xi Long, to lose a best friend would be too much for him. He knew instinctively that even if he was kicked out of the house and they never saw each other again that Xi Long would not "out" him to others. That basic decency he understood but everything else was up to variables. They never discussed these things before and no matter how much he thought he knew him, everything could be for naught. He wasn't sure how many minutes passed before he got tired of thinking further, the stress he felt in his belly was enough to feel a burn. 

Taking a deep breath he kept his eyes trained on Xi Long and straightened his back before speaking. "I'm gay." There was an odd pause after his words as he waited to gauge his reaction and to his annoyance there was no change. He gave it a couple more seconds but there was still no response. "What do you see me differently now, if you hate me just come out with it!" The random fire of righteousness he felt at the moment came out of nowhere. He was at the end of his rope and now that he has said it what could he do. If Xi Long truly hated him he would hit him once before he left for revenge!

"I don't hate you, thank you for telling me. I can see that it was hard, do you want to talk about it." There was a childlike hesitance and stumbling over the words as Xi Long tried to be as nice as possible. It seemed that it was his attempt at comforting him but came out of an inexperienced and awkward teenager. He felt like crying from the stress but with those words he managed to do both at the same time. It was a hilarious sight with tears streaming down his face and laughter leaving his mouth he probably looked crazy. He could not explain the relief he felt when Xi Long said that, he could sense that there was no hidden meanings or disgust coming from him. It was his honest reaction and he did not see anything wrong with what he spent days agonizing over. No matter what they were from City A and there was no guarantee of the opinions they held on this type of stuff. 

He was in the middle of his tears and laughter when he felt a tissue being pressed against his face and a warm head patting his head. The only issue was that the tissue was roughly wiping his tears and the force of the hand patting his head a little too strong. Yet they were the most comforting touches he had ever felt. 

"You know I know you are comforting me but if I wasn't sure about that I would think you were trying to kill my brain cells."

"Shut up, you don't have any to begin with." Was their snarky response but the touches on his head became lighter.