Chapter 209

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd crouched down next to the dumpster that was beside the back door to the bank. Major Bloodfist was lounging next to a sign for the bank, doing something that Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd had discovered was called 'smoking a cigarette' in order to ingest a complex multi-function drug. Chrome Cortez was reading something called a newspaper as he sat on the bench outside the bank. Otto was telling him what to do over his comlink as Heinrich kept an eye out for any LawSec response.

"All right, Comrade Ya'ahrd, the guard moved through the copy room and into the stairwell, it looks like he's coming out back. Make sure to use your silenced weapons so we don't alert anyone," Otto said over the comlink.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd shuffled back slightly, checking the silent pistol in his hand, then looking up. The guard came out and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd shot him once in the head, dropping him down.

"Answer his radio or the cops will get suspicious," Otto said.

The radio crackled and someone at a LawSec building asked for a report.

"I... uhh... went outside to smoke a cigarette and look at pornographic holocubes," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said into the radio.

"All right. Don't take too long. I'll log you as on break," the LawSec being said.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd pulled a body-bag out of his belt, put the human inside, and threw him in the dumpster so that nobody noticed a dead Sec-guard on the ground.

"There's another one, he's walking to stand by the ATM's at the entrance. The other one is walking from the vault back to the offices. You should be clear to take out the security survelliance room," Otto said.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd snuck carefully in, making sure his shoes didn't clatter on the cement floor. He checked up the stairwell, then moved through the door into the small cement alcove. An open doorway led into the bank, with the copy-machine room right across and the door to the security office on his right. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd leaned back, reared up, touched his hoof to the keycard reader, and activated his hoof EMP generator. The keycard reader let out a little smoke and the room unlocked.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd whipped open the door and shot the guard at the console twice in the head, then answered the radio and gave the excuse that his bowels were full and he needed an elimination break. The LawSec communications officer seemed satisfied and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd relaxed.

That left only the two guards in the bank. The vault was full of gold, cash, jewelry, and other stuff. He trembled at the thought of opening the high security safe deposit boxes to see the contents.

Terra is so exciting, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself.

"OK, he's coming to you. Looks like he's heading to the roof. Wait for him to get to the stairs and take him out," Otto said.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd waited for the human, dressed in black pants with a white shirt and a gunbelt, to go by and shot him in the back of the head. He dropped and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd fast talked the LawSec guy again, using a Telkan accent. Not a good one, but good enough to fool the LawSec agent. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd took out another body bag, rolled the human into it, zipped it up, then dragged the body into the camera room.

"OK, wait so you can see the copy room. He should come in there soon. Everything is going good," Otto told him.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd moved into the cement alcove and waited, his pistol held ready. The last human guard kept wandering around, from the ATMs to talk to some clerks back to the desks, then to the ATMs, then...

"Here he comes."

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd lifted up his pistol and sighted it. When the guard appeared in the doorway the led from the copy room to the back hall Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd shot him in the forehead then quickly galloped into the copy room, chortling to himself that the man and woman attempting to secure a loan from a bank officer hadn't noticed him. He answered the radio, bodybagged the dead Terran, then galloped back to the camera room carrying the body.

Humans know how to do covert actions. This is much better than the last mission I did where my overwatch forgot that LawSec guards could open doors, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself.

"OK, go get the thermal drill. I had a guy stash it out back," Otto said. "So far, nobody has to break cover."

"Excellent," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd replied. He trotted out the back door and into the parking lot, following the annotation on his retinal link for where the drill was. It was in the back of a truck and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd noticed it was quite heavy. It made him stagger to carry it back in.

"OK, go in and menace the people in the loan officer area, don't let the tellers or anyone waiting to do banking see you," Otto said.

Outside Cortez sighed. It had been nearly a half hour but the client wanted to be sneaky and quiet instead of running in shooting. A whole bunch of security officers had still collected the day's pay but were no longer on standby to go along with a tense hostage situation.

At least 'Bloodfist' get to go get the car, he thought as he turned the page of the 'newspaper' and read the "Lanaktallan Spy Raids Area-51!" article.

Inside Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd ran up and pointed his shotgun at the bank customers and the loan officers.

"Get on the ground, in the name of the Lanaktallan Unified Espionage Council," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd ordered.

The Terrans raised their hands and slowly got on the floor. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd put their hands behind their back and ziptied them, chuckling to himself at how simple this was.

"OK, flashbang the crowd, run behind the teller counter, knock out the two tellers, then threaten everyone with your shotgun," Otto said.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trembled with excitement, pulling out a flashbang. He snuck into the copy room and peeked out the door. There were a dozen Terrans waiting to see the tellers, two tellers, and he could see two of his Ninjas in the alleyway playing dice.

Perfect.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd threw the flashbang, rushed in and TASER's both tellers, ziptied them, then galloped out into the main area. He knew Otto and Heinrich were jamming their com-links so they couldn't call out for help as he galloped twice around the teller area, waving his shotgun around.

"Everyone get on the ground! Now! No heroics!" he ordered.

The Terrans obediently got on the ground, some of them making crying noises. "Don't try anything and everyone goes home safe," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd assured them as he ziptied them.

Then, following Otto's advice, he moved them all into the copy room, went in and picked up the thermal drill before staggering over to the vault. It was really heavy. When he unzipped the bag, he just stared.

It had a tubular metal frame and seemed pretty complex. Luckily Heinrich advised him how to set it up. Then he had nearly ten minutes to wait for the drill to get into the door.

That's OK, it gives me time to loot the offices, he thought to himself. He went around and picked up the bundles of 'cash', which was Terran criminal slang for non-electronic paper money notes. He flipped the end of one bundle and sniffed it, finding the smell of fresh paper and ink satisfying.

Finally the vault creaked open and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd galloped inside. Outside Major Bloodfist pulled up in the car, got out, and opened the spacious trunk before leaning against the car and sighing.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd stared around him with wide eyes. Stacks of gold bricks, cubed stacks of cash, all waiting for him to steal to fund his espionage. He began bagging it all up and carrying it out the car, stopping several times each trip to catch his breath.

The bags were heavy.

At least while he was getting the bags Chrome Cortez went in and used a saw to open the ATM's and the safe deposit boxes, letting him loot those too. He found all kinds of interesting things. Gold bars, jewelry, rolls of money.

Finally, it was all cleared out and he galloped out to the car, climbing carefully in and driving away, slamming down the gas pedal so he left behind a cloud of smoke as he roared out town and onto the highway.

"HAHAHAHAH! Another masterful job by I, Ya'ahrd, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd, Secret Agent Supreme!" the Lanaktallan crowed as he sped down the road.

"Indeed you are a masterful criminal genius, sir," Major Bloodfist said.

"Why thank you, Major," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, rolling down the window and putting both his left elbows on the windowframe as the wind whipped in and ruffled the hair on his flank. "That was most enjoyable and now we have plenty of black market currency to help fund our operations."

"It's almost nightfall. We should stop at the hotel and refuel the car, have the oil changed, and spend the night. You must be exhausted after all your dastardly deeds, sir," Major Bloodfist said, checking his datalink.

"Excellent plan. Ensure there is a food seller about, I worry about you minion's nutritional needs," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said magnanimously.

"You are most considerate, sir," Major Bloodfist said.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd was satisfied when he pulled into the hotel. He trotted around the building twice, making sure there were no Terran Intelligence Agents hiding in the bushes (which he was careful to poke with his shotgun to make sure they weren't Lanaktallan-eating bushes) or any High Threat Response Teams from local LawSec or CorpSec lurking about.

Satisfied he trotted into his room, took out a cube of dehydrated cud, and put it in his mouth. It slowly expanded as he sat on the bed and counted the stacks of money. He shivered in pleasure with the amount he had made off with. Surely this would hamper the Terran's war fighting efforts. He had stolen nearly thirty million Hamburger Kingdom dollars. The sight of the ominous and deadly looking crowned Terran with "In Burger King We Trust" underneath did give him the chills. The dead ruler's eyes seemed to follow him around as if to say "Where is your God now?" with its cold gaze.

"Herr Ya'ahrd," Heinrich broke in as Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd was turning all the stacks of bills face down so he didn't have to lock eyes with the long dead ruler of the Hamburger Kingdom.

"Yes, yes, Heinrich, I am here," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, trotting over and moving the curtain slightly to check out in the parking lot for any lurking vigilantes. He'd seen the documentary about the immortal Frank Castle, who often blew up entire hotel rooms, and had no desire to have the frightening Terran vigilante hunting him.

"You may want to turn on the Tri-Vid, mien Herr," Heinrich said, with a click of his shoes that Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd could hear through the comlink. "Channel 1842."

"Very well," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, turning and picking up the remote. He turned on the Tri-Vid and punched in the channel code. "I hope it is... HOW DARE HE!"

On the Tri-Vid it showed a Lanaktallan ship landing, then cut to the ramp coming down, then to...

to...

Yu'uMo'o trotting down the ramp, followed by members of the Unified Diplomatic Council! The chyron at the bottom of the screen read "LANAKTALLAN DIPLOMATIC MISSION LANDS IN ORDER TO ENSURE RULES OF WARFARE ARE ADHERED TO" followed by "GREEN MANTID SURFING CONTEST PUT ON HOLD AFTER BIG BIRDS SIGHTED IN HAWAII" and then "VERONICA SWALSQWIK CROWNED MISS CONFEDERACY AFTER BODY BUILDING COMPETITION!"

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd waved his hands, urging the chyron to go faster as the camera zoomed in on Yu'uMo'o waving to the crowds from in between the big black warborgs of the Confederacy.

"GURDY'S DUCK FEATHER TONIC STOCK RISES 15 POINTS" scrolled by.

"Uh, mien Herr, try turning up the volume," Heinrich suggested, appearing next to Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd and making him jump in surprise.

"Of course. I was merely... uh... examining how it looks," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said. He turned up the volume.

The reporter was talking about how the Lanaktallan's had sent political envoys to discuss such things as prisoner exchanges, the status of unaligned planets, and such things. The Lanaktallans were restricted to a single island in the middle of one of the massive islands, but still...

...IT WAS YU'UMO'O!

"Get me his comlink number!" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd yelled, pointing at the image of Yu'umo'o smugly inflating his crests as he talked about how hopefully the Confederacy and the Unified Council could get by what was obviously a tragic mistake regarding an attempt to provide medical assistance being mistaken for biowarfare and how unaligned elements of the military, successionists who were fighting against the council, had attacked Harmony.

"I have it, Comrade Ya'ahrd," Otto said.

"PUT THAT RECYCLED CUD CHEWER ON THE LINE RIGHT NOW!" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd screamed.

His comlink clicked a few times then it was answered. "Most High Yu'umo'o here. Who is this and how did you get this comlink number?"

"You neo-sapient sexual molester, what makes you think you can intrude on my operational sphere and get away with it?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd asked, shaking with rage.

"Ah, Ya'ahrd," there was a muffled question. "No, it's Secret Agent Ya'ahrd. He's upset that I'm setting up an espionage operation under the cover of a diplomatic mission."

There was muffled laughter.

"YOU WILL RUE YOUR INTERFERENCE IN MY AREA OF OPERATIONS!" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd bellowed.

"I doubt it. I've already gotten away with it," Yu'umo'o gloated.

"We'll see about that," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd snapped and shut off the comlink. He threw the remote and the Tri-Vid changed channels to show a big brown duck paddling around a pond, focusing on the fact a back gate was open and swinging gently in the breeze.

"No time to rest, we must hurry to the volcano lair before my arch-rival Yu'umo'o is able to interfere with my operations," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd barked. He snapped his fingers at the closet. "Quickly, ninjas, to the Ya'ahrd Mobile!"

The closet door opened and the two ninjas somersaulted out then jumped out the window, leaving behind a cloud of smoke. On the Tri-Vid the screen was showing a big brown waterfowl with gleaming golden-brown feathers on its body and a tail of brillant multi-hue feathers spread out like a colorful rainbow, all being sighed at by muscular gray skinned females as it waddled down the sidewalk.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd grabbed his shotgun and grenade launcher, fuming as he ran for his car.

"Oh, he will rue the day, yes he will," he muttered as he got in.

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TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

>jams popcorn in his mouth with both hands.

It's so exciting!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID HIVE WORLDS

I can't stop watching. It's like a slow motion train wreck.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TELKAN FORGE WORLDS

Is it wrong that I can't stop laughing?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TNVARU GESTALT

I don't understand what's so funny? Now there's ANOTHER group of spies on Terra?

And the first one stole valuable military secrets?

Why is it all funny?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

RIGELLIAN COMPACT

Oh my God, the porn in the background as he ran out of the room. I couldn't stop laughing.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TNVARU GESTALT

Why isn't TerraSol worried?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

DIGITAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

Those two are going to be so busy with each other that they won't get anything done.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

BIOLOGICAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

They're both confined to islands with restricted airspace and can only operate through locally hired employees. They're going to be monitored in ways that are borderline illegal.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TELKAN FORGE WORLDS

My money's on Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd sending ninjas after the other guy.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

I'll take some of that action. I bet he tries to run him over with his car.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

This is just so exciting!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---