6 I Hated Everything

When I awoke, I was assaulted by a intense hatred.It's a feeling so severe and overpowering that I have nothing I can compare it to in my whole conscious life.It was directed at everything, everything that went wrong in my life.Everything that made this happen.And everyone, every single person that made me into what I am today.

It's so overpowering that it's making me dizzy and sick.I want to throw up everything that these horrible people did to me and feed it back to them.

After a minute of steadying myself against the freezing floor, expecting that I would see the drab and sterile room that I was last in with the doctor.But instead I see the familiar groves of the stone walls.It seems like I was brought back into my prison room after I blacked out.I have quite complicated feelings about that.

I'm rather glad that I don't have to wake up to Fuzz's face, but after waking up, the idea of anyone touching me and carrying me makes me want to vomit.

I don't really understand what's going on right now, but it seems that I have regained some things from before.Not memories though, if I had recovered some of my memories then I would probably be thinking about these things a lot differently.It actually seems as if I remembered some feelings and thoughts.

I remember the intense feeling of hatred that I had toward everyone and everything.Nothing escaped the blame that I felt, I would blame things on inanimate objects and blame everything else on people.The only thing that the hatred fell second to was confusion.

I didn't understand anything that people said.People said harsh and heartless things, most of which would usually remind everyone around me that I didn't belong anywhere, and that I should be dead.But in my opinion, everything that they said was baseless and hot air.Because in my head, I was the epitome of normal.Which only made me more confused.

I got so confused that it drove me insane.

At least that's what it seems like...It seems like this confusion that lead to insanity, also lead to my deepest hatred, ignorance.

Anyways, all this is just groundless speculation.

That's what I'm telling myself as I stare at the bare ceiling in a daze.And then a random thought that has nothing to do with any of my previous thoughts flash through my head.It's stupid one too.

It's cold.

It's a stupid thought because I've known that it's been cold for a while now.But I thought this because, one, I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I forgot.And two, it's really, really cold.Colder that it was before, so cold that I'm shivering rapidly with my teeth chattering.I look down at my hands and legs and I notice that they are frightening pale, even a little blue...It looks like I'm freezing alive.

And once again I think, this isn't normal.