Crusade – Chapter 87: A Moment of Clarity

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Caethya directed her eyes at the ceiling as she felt the aura of her Goddess settle over her. It had changed yet again, the strength of it no longer in a realm the Elf could even properly perceive. Only a sense of overwhelming power remained. Was she holding back before?

After Aperio had told them that she had at one point been a slave, her Goddess had not left her mind. She was worried for her well being, something she might have previously considered foolish. She no longer did — if the All-Mother could somehow be enslaved once, it could happen again.

Ferio had tried to reassure her that Aperio was already leagues stronger than she had previously been; a feat the young Elf was not sure what to think of. Her Goddess was the Creator of everything, shouldn't she already be the strongest?

The Gods and Goddesses of Verenier themselves depended on the system, something that ran on her Goddess' mana. At least, that was Caethya's theory. While the mana directly controlled by her Goddess bathed her in comfort and warmth, the feeling of it was also familiar in a way she couldn't quite place until she remembered the flows of the System after having gained a level.

The Goddess of Life and Light had not been able to tell her if the System indeed ran on the All-Mother's mana, and neither had Caethya wanted to push. Ferio was visibly distraught after Aperio had, perhaps blinded by rage, announced to their small group what had happened to her.

After the Creator had left, her daughter, no longer caring for the appearance of divine dignity, broke down and cried openly. Caethya had tried to comfort her, but her mind always wandered back to Aperio as it so often did recently. Maybe Ferio is right…

The young Elf had never really felt anything for anyone. She had her fun, sure, but that was to enjoy herself in the moment, not part of a search for anything more. Perhaps she had never stopped to consider a relationship as she was always searching, always working to become stronger. Once she had found Aperio, she had also found strange feelings. She felt something.

She felt more alive in her presence, her heart beating faster and her mind throwing itself in circles as she could never quite say what she wanted. There was, of course, the possibility that it was the blessing she carried that made her react that way, but she highly doubted that.

Laelia was the Scion of her Goddess, and if one went by the sheer amount of mana that flowed in and around the Human, she carried an even bigger blessing. Caethya was very sure that, despite having more than a hundred levels on her, the Scion could beat her quite easily in a fight. Her level can't be accurate anymore

Though she had also been blessed, the Human had never shown anything close to her own reaction to Aperio. The other woman seemed to have nothing but respect for the winged Goddess, even more so after Aperio started to share more of her past.

Caethya respected the All-Mother — how could she not? — but the more she learned of Aperio's past the more worried she grew. She did not want her to be in pain, she wanted her to be happy — happy like Caethya herself was whenever she was in her presence.

That tiny tingle that ran down her spine when she touched her, the slight skip of her heart when she entered the room. Caethya wanted Aperio to feel these small moments of joy too — wanted to give her the same happiness she was receiving.

The Elf sighed as she stood up, shifting her eyes away from the ceiling and her senses from the aura of her Goddess. Aperio was close and, going by the omnipresent feeling of sorrow in her aura, not doing that well.

Folding her hands in front of her chest and closing her eyes, Caethya mumbled a prayer to her Goddess. She wanted to help Aperio if she could, her stomach turning in on itself as she tried to think of what might have recently happened to bring such sadness to her.

Laelia and Ferio had undoubtedly noticed Aperio's aura as well, but both of them were busy organising the now-free slaves the All-Mother had brought. Many of them were understandably confused as to what had happened, and some wanted to be brought back to their master. They did not want to be punished for an escape attempt they had not asked to partake in.

She could understand the worry, even if she could not see why someone would willingly return to a live of enforced servitude. If they did go back, the punishment... would be harsh. She doubted that Aperio would let that happen. The All-Mother had always been clear on what her stance towards slavery was — one that made even more sense now that she knew the Goddess had somehow been one herself.

The comfortable warmth of Aperio's mana spreading through her body took Caethya from her thoughts. It seemed to pull her upwards despite her not moving. An invitation, she realised a moment later, letting her own mana cling to that of the All-Mother.

As soon as she had accepted the call, Caethya felt herself fall backwards despite knowing that she was not moving. The sensation only lasted for a moment, however, the room she had been in instantly replaced by a field of blue flowers. Leaning against a tree that dwarfed any she had seen before was Aperio, eyes closed, perfectly still and not reacting to Caethya's arrival.

The All-Mother was surrounded by the tiny wisps of her mana Caethya had grown used to, though now they carried a vividness that she had not seen before. The same was true for her dress — and still-present armour, too. All of it flooded the area with mana; the magic, intentional or not, causing even the flowers to also take on the vivid glow the All-Mother was exhibiting.

While the Creator might have looked motionless to an outsider, Caethya herself was very aware that Aperio had noticed her arrival. Even if she discarded the fact that her Goddess had brought her here, a warm touch of mana was flowing around her in ways that required the guiding hand of the All-Mother.

"The first visitor sprouts from the gates," a deep voice intoned, the sound that travelled across the field somehow sounding like leaves rustling in the wind. "Welcome to the Heart of Creation, Caethya."

"Roots?" Caethya asked in shock, the voice of the [World Tree] unmistakable. "Did Aperio bring you here too?"

"In a way," the [World Tree] replied, some of its branches dipping in what Caethya guessed was a nod. "Her Highness planted me here long ago — before any of your kind was more than a budding seed, waiting to bloom into existence."

The Elf shook her head, the idea of the tree being older than her species intriguing but not why she was here. Her eyes landed on Aperio again, the Goddess leaning against the tree in a way that could not have been comfortable with her wings.

"Aperio?" Caethya inquired, taking a few steps forwards through the sea of flowers. "Are you okay?"

"Her Highness is adjusting to the mana she has retrieved," Roots explained. "It is of no danger to her."

The young Elf scrunched her brows at the [World Tree]'s words. She wasn't worried about Aperio getting a mana burn, but about what else she had likely retrieved.

Vigil and Inanis had lost their lives the last time the Aperio had put this much mana on display — after she had destroyed the dungeon in Ebenlowe. The All-Mother's aura had changed back then, too, carrying a sense of melancholy. Now, even more mana swirled around her Goddess, leading Caethya to believe that there might have been another crystal, and a sinking suspicion that they stored more than just mana.

Aperio kept her eyes closed, ignoring the conversation unfolding between her disciple and Roots. Instead she took slow, measured breaths that, while not needed, helped her remain calm. The more of her memories she unraveled and viewed, the more she wanted to rip the souls out of a variety of deities and crush them. But there was someone who she was even more angry with: Herself.

They had defiled her home and she had just let it happen. She saw how they figured out how to make the very same collar she would wear for her entire mortal life and she did nothing — just let them do with the mortals as they saw fit. Disgusting.

She would have to fix what those Gods had set in motion — take their divinity and free those they enslaved. And figure out why I let that happen.

How she could simply disregard the mortals in the past was not something she understood. They were people, but people unable to protect themselves from the deities she had made. Were there no rules?

After she took another, deeper breath, Aperio opened her eyes and set them on Caethya. The woman had crossed the ocean of what were now blue-glowing flowers but had stopped a few steps away from the All-Mother, looking quite unsure if she should come closer or not.

"Do you plan on standing there forever?" Aperio asked, trying and failing to smile at her disciple. She let out a sigh as she looked over to her temple looming at the the end of the flowery ocean. It still was — felt like — her home, but the memories she was still unraveling tainted that feeling of comfort with disgust and hatred.

The All-Mother did not have to worry about that at the moment, however, as Caethya shook her head and replied. "No, I just didn't know if I was allowed to approach you or not."

"If you were not allowed to approach me, I would not have brought you here." She paused for a moment, seeing her disciple fidget slightly in the corner of her eyes. "I had hoped that you would see me as myself, as Aperio, not just as the All-Mother."

Caethya hesitated for a moment longer before she took the last few steps and sat herself down next to her Goddess. Aperio spread one of her wings slightly further, allowing the Elf to rest her back against it and not the hard wood of Roots. Much like her own, Caethya's dress was back-free and while Aperio was sure the Elf had no problem leaning against a tree, she still somehow disliked the idea.

"So soft," her disciple whispered under her breath, probably not thinking that Aperio would hear it. Caethya did not speak again for a few breaths, the woman having closed her eyes as she leaned slightly to the left, almost resting her head on Aperio's shoulder.

The All-Mother creased her brows a little at the action. "Are you resting enough, Caethya?"

Her words caused the Elf to quickly straighten herself, the tips of her ears taking on a reddish hue. "I don't need to sleep, but with all that has happened lately I have had a lot on my mind. Helping Laelia with her duties, trying to figure out what I should teach Maria, and what to do with Adam." She let out a sigh, dropping her head slightly. "And then there is the matter of what I feel whenever I even think of you."

"Is it because of something I did?" Aperio asked, turning to fully face her disciple. "I know that my interactions with mortals are… flawed, but I try."

"I…" Caethya's voice trailed off, her cheeks taking on the same red colouring as her ears. "It pains me to see you sad — so much so that it makes me feel sick. Ever since you told us of your past, I can't stop thinking about what you might have been through. Trying to figure out what I could do to make you feel the same spark of joy I do whenever you enter my thoughts."

"I'm sorry," Aperio said, lowering her head. The only reason for Caethya's feelings — the only thing that could possibly change a person that much — was her blessing. Her soul might not have been damaged like Maria's, but she had still altered the Elf's mind. "I never intended for that to happen."

After a moment of silence in which Caethya raised and lowered her hand multiple times, she finally came to a decision, reaching out and taking Aperio's hand. "Why are you sorry? And what do you mean you never intended for this to happen?"

"The blessing," Aperio replied, lifting her head to look at the woman whose life she had potentially ruined. "I cannot shake the feeling that it is the cause for your feelings. You barely know me, after all."

"You think I like you because of the blessing?" Caethya asked, the redness slowly receding from her face. "I don't think so. It is you who brings me joy, who confuses me; not the blessing. That only makes me stronger. …Something I'll need if I want to catch up with Laelia."

Aperio cocked her head to the side in reply. "How can you be so sure?"

"That the blessing does not influence my actions?" Caethya asked, shifting herself around to better face Aperio. "I can't be one hundred percent certain. However, when I first met you in the dungeon, I wanted to kill you. I thought you were something it had cooked up to enslave me.” The redness that had begun to recede from her face made a furious return, causing the Elf to lower her head slightly. “Even if I don't fully understand why my feelings are what they are, I know how I feel."

The All-Mother let Caethya bring her other hand over to cover their joined hands, enjoying warmth that flowed from the Elf's own. She wasn't sure if she felt for Caethya as the woman did for her. There was something, a comfort that she felt when the Elf was around that neither Laelia nor her daughter evoked in her. Still, Aperio did not know if that was the spark of joy Caethya was talking about.

With her hand clasped between her disciple's own, Aperio couldn't help but notice differences she had never really seen before. There were slight imperfections to be seen on Caethya — tiny errant hairs, slight discolorations of skin, many minuscule wrinkles. It was a mortal hand, one that did not get torn apart and rebuilt as her own did, one that could very easily be broken if her grip was just a little to tight.

"I understand that you need time, and I am willing to wait," Caethya said, giving her hand a tight squeeze that caused the All-Mother to meet her disciple’s gaze. "But, what you went through in the Terenyk estate — I don't want to see you go through that again, especially not alone."

"Neither do I," Aperio mumbled, wincing slightly as the muscles in her arm shifted uncomfortably in response to the excess mana doing its duty. She sighed, gently removing her hand from Caethya's before continuing.

"I do not know if I feel the same for you. Being with you is… calming, in a way. It is not the same as with Laelia or Ferio. The closest would be Maria, but that is different in another way." A small smile spread across Aperio's lips at the thought of her youngest follower. "She is like a daughter to me. One I can actually remember.

"But then there is you," Aperio continued, shifting herself to rest on her knees to better face Caethya, making sure her wing securely held the woman in place. "You are neither a daughter, nor a follower like Laelia. But neither do I know if you are more than a friend, and for that I am sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," Caethya said, the redness again appearing at the tip of her ears. "I half expected you to reject me outright or excommunicate me. But, like I said before, I am willing to wait. Time is something I have plenty of."

The All-Mother chuckled at the words, smiling just a bit wider than before as a foreign warmth joined the burning mana in her veins. "I guess you do."

GamingWolf

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