Chapter 444 - It's You

The physical pain in Gael's chest was one he was familiar with. He'd experienced it when his mother died and recently when Jino died. This time was similar, but at the same time, it was also different. Perhaps losing someone he didn't even know he'd lost or hadn't had the chance to get to know were the reasons. But he also believed it was because his unborn child didn't get to taste the world.

He felt extreme sadness and guilt that he wasn't there to protect Angela and their baby who were both suffering at the hands of a hateful scum of the earth.

Once again, Gael felt so helpless.

The significance of Angela's first book was something he couldn't have fathomed in the past. It turned out that he had known what had happened to her for a while now. He had known about it all along but just didn't realize how close to the truth it was.

All this time, Gael deluded himself that she wrote only about him. Never had he imagined that Angela was Kayla through and through. She wrote about him, but more importantly… She wrote about her. She wrote about what could've been had they found each other sooner and mourned together instead of her going through it alone.

In the book, Kayla and Nicco lost their baby because of a rival mafia family—which was ironically close to their truth now since that bastard Leos was connected to the Morellis and Perry. However, in the book, the couple mourned together. Kayla wasn't alone. She had Nicco by her side the entire time while in real life, Angela didn't have Gael then.

Gael remembered a part in the book where Kayla poured her heart out to Nicco as she grieved and mourned for their loss:

"I wonder what our baby would have looked like. Would he have looked like you? Would he have your eyes…my smile…your hair…my lips? Would he have been an artist? Maybe the next president? I wish I could've seen his face and got to know him. What he likes… What he doesn't… What he wants to be… I guess I'll never know."

That gutted Gael so deeply.

He sat next to Angela on the bed and then pulled her against him, his strong arms wrapping around her tightly. "It's not your fault."

She leaned back and shook her head. Her nose and cheeks were red now, and her eyes were swollen. "But it is. If I had given up what he asked, my…our baby wouldn't have died. You wouldn't have gotten hurt last night. It is my fault."

"Stop it..."

"Don't you blame me?"

"Why would I?" Gael brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping her tears. "Remember what I told you before? The only one at fault here is him. Not you. So don't you ever blame yourself again."

"Don't you hate me? Why aren't you mad at me?" she asked in disbelief, feeling like she didn't deserve his response.

He shook his head. "I could never hate you, Angel. I'm just frustrated that you didn't tell me about this sooner. Were you even planning to tell me?"

Angela squeezed her eyes shut, more tears flowing down her face, and he quickly brushed them away. "When I decided I'd look for you to tell you about my pregnancy, I only had one thought… That somehow, even though I didn't know much about you, I didn't think you would abandon a responsibility like that. And if it so happened that you already had someone in your life, we could still make it work in co-parenting.

"I've wanted to tell you. I've often thought about telling you what we could've had when we met again last year. But there was no easy way. I wanted to save you from the heartache that nearly killed me. I barely survived, Gael… I didn't want you to go through that."

This woman. Even with all the circumstances life had thrown at her, Angela did what she believed was right—even if keeping it all to herself meant that she carried all of that burden on her own. She was selfless. And as wrong as it might sound at the moment, Gael fell for her even more.

He sighed. Gael laid a kiss on her forehead and on both her closed eyes, tasting the salt in them. Then he pressed their foreheads together. "Baby… If I had known I'd gotten you pregnant then, I wouldn't have driven you away. I'd be there for you every step of the way and take care of you and our child. I have no doubt that I would have fallen for you, too, now that I've gotten to know you.

"It's...really disheartening that didn't happen. It wasn't our time to truly be together back then. And it hurts now…" He pressed a finger to his heart. "To find out what happened to you. You suffered gravely, and I wasn't there. If I could turn back time…" He shook his head and grimaced as if he was in physical pain. 

"Angela… I can't let you suffer alone. I can't let you mourn by yourself. Not anymore. You have me now. You're no longer alone. It was mine too. It was ours." He shifted so he could look at her face, and she could look at him. "I will share your pain. If I could take it all, I would. Let me in, Angel."

Angela nodded as she buried her face against his neck and clung onto him like she didn't want to let go.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he whispered in her ear, and her embrace tightened even more. "I broke my promise yet again. I told you he'd never get to you…" He let out a heavy sigh. "I'm so sorry, Angel. I'll make him pay. He'll suffer a thousand times more than you did. That I can assure you."

She swallowed. "What are you going to do?"

"Do you really care what I'd do to him?"

She shook her head. Back then, she told him she didn't want violence. But after what she witnessed last night, she wanted nothing but for Evan to suffer too. Angela wanted to hurt Evan like he hurt her, Gael, and their baby. Every slap, every punch, every heavy chain whip they got must be returned.

If someone had told her before that she thought like this now, she probably would have joined a spiritual group to cleanse her soul. 'What does this make me now?' she wondered. But the answer to that, she didn't care anymore.

Angela had slowly accepted that she wasn't 'normal'. And that was okay. If being 'normal' meant she couldn't be with Gael, then she didn't want to be one at all.

"Good." Gael nodded. He leaned over and claimed her lips, kissing her languidly, his hands cupping her face ever so tenderly. She breathed him in, his scent so warm and intoxicating—it smelled like home. And when they broke apart, she finally released a sigh of relief. Her shoulders sagged as though something had just been lifted off her.

"Angel…" Gael brushed her hair away from her face and gazed deeply into her eyes. "You once asked me in a truth or dare…and you put those words when you gave me this watch… I already found her—the woman I'd risk it all for. Baby, it's you.. I will put my life on the line for you."