208 Fragile heart III

Detra decided to stay up for a little longer to chat with Ashley so they could exchange information to form battle plans.

Lilith was shocked to find out that Ashley was getting along well with Detra, but when she thought about it, Ashley and Detra never really interacted before so there wasn't really any history between them, or rather, a reason for the two to hate each other, so when Ashley was told that the former goddess was now on their side, she probably didn't take long to get used to it. Apparently these two shared a few similarities with the way they both tended to act only after thinking things through very carefully.

She was glad to know that Ashley had made friends with a fellow strategist.

"It's fine... It doesn't hurt at all... It's just... Weird to look at..." Ellie replied.

Lilith felt that Ellie's voice was sounding a little strange and wondered if there was something still bothering her.

"Hey, Lilith... Can we... Talk for a bit...?" Ellie asked.

"Of course!" she replied.

Marcus then moved to his own room and left the two alone. A blind person and a handless girl, surely they would be fine by themselves for one night.

Lilith put on some sleeping clothes with a bit of help from Ellie and the two laid down on the bed side by side. They deactivated a fire spell that was being used to bring light to the room and began to enjoy the darkness of the night.

"By the way..." Ellie started, "will Ria, Auren, and Gustav join us tomorrow?"

"You know about them?"

"Of course I do! How many times do you think I heard my aunt's tales!!" Ellie proudly declared as if memorizing these tales was the equivalent to knowing all the elements on the periodic table.

"Gustav will arrive with the troops, according to Ashley. Ria, on the other hand, is about to give birth anytime soon... so she and Auren probably won't be fighting with us..." Lilith admitted. 

"Oh yeah! She's about to become a mother too! Just like you!"

"Yeah! I'm looking forward to that! That one always acted like a kid herself so I'm curious about how she will be like once she gets to interact with an actual kid!" Lilith giggled while Ellie just smiled softly.

Silence took over the room for a while before Lilith tried to approach the girl's concern. 

"So what's the problem...?" Lilith asked.

Ellie remained silent for a little bit longer and took a deep breath before finally sharing her dilemma.

"Back then... When we were in the ring of fear... You fought against a projection of Mia, didn't you?"

"Ah... That... Yeah... Feels so long ago when I think about it now..." Lilith admitted.

"When I killed her?" Lilith assumed.

Ellie nodded but then she remembered that Lilith couldn't see, "Y- Yes..."

"I'm not gonna lie... I thought it would feel great... That girl caused us so much pain... so, so much pain... I almost started to laugh once I realized that I was going to be the one to face her off... But when the moment finally came... It just felt so... So..."

"Empty?" Ellie guessed.

"Yeah... Empty..." Lilith agreed, "It's so weird... I hate her so much, we all do... I assumed killing even an image of her would make me feel good... But it didn't... at all... Maybe it would have felt better if it was actually her...Or maybe I'm just past the point where I can honestly enjoy my opponent's pain..."

"Yeah..."

"Why did you decided to bring that up now?" Lilith wondered.

"I was thinking back about my fight with Flora..."

"Who...?"

"Oh, right! I named the garden demon Flora!"

Lilith just rubbed her forehead, "of course you did...".

Between Chuck, Drya, and now Flora, Lilith began to wonder what exactly was so appealing about the concept of going around labeling demons with the most ridiculous names possible. For Lilith, all demons were good for was to serve as target practice since, much like Detra, she also had plenty of reasons to hate them.

"Anyway... I thought it would be cool to defeat her... You know... taking down the final boss and all... but... she just looked so sad... People always talk about how demons are these evil guys that want to feed on our pain and misery, and want nothing but to cause us harm... But even then, when I finally finished her off... I just couldn't enjoy it... I just kept thinking about how she just wanted to be left alone and we were the ones who picked a fight with her..."

"While I'm glad that you still have plenty of compassion in your heart... Please don't tell me you feel sorry for her... Not after how much she tried to kill us... Not after what she did to East..."

"I'm sorry, but I do... And that's the thing! What if this happens tomorrow? What if I start fighting Mia and all of sudden I begin to feel sorry for her or something and make another mistake?? I can't make any more mistakes!! Not now!" Ellie commented while staring at her arm.

"Why would you feel sorry for Mia? She probably hurt you more than anyone here..."

"I know, I know... It's just that...Remember when I had that weird Myriad dream?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well... I think I had another dream after I defeated Flora... I saw all of us buying ice-cream and enjoying a holiday in the park..."

"Ok...?"

"But Mia was also there!"

"What!!??" Lilith gasped.

"I know!! And that's not even the weird part! She actually looked... Normal... Like... She looked like a regular girl... She didn't have a crazy smile like she was a serial killer, or a grumpy face as if she wanted to die or something... She seemed happy... legitimately happy... And my aunt was there, and she was happy... and everyone was there, and they all were happy..."

"And you don't know if this was another vision of the future of just a regular... well, not regular... a weird dream?"

"Yeah... What if... What if I go after Mia tomorrow and start to freeze in the middle of our fight? What if I mess it up and make everything worse...?? Again!!?? And my hand!! You saw what happened to me when I used terminal energy!! What if I lose a leg or an arm?? What if I blow up??"

"Well... I honestly want to say that there is no way things could get worse but... let's face it... things can always get worse..."

"Wow... Thanks..." Ellie mumbled while frowning and shoving a pillow on her face.

"Sorry..."

"Come on Lilith..."

"I mean... Maybe this is for the best?"

"Eh...?"

"Think about it... Mia feeds on our negative emotions to get stronger right? So if you don't hate her as much as she wants us to... her power will grow weaker and you will have a better chance to defeat her!"

"But what happens when I need to deliver the finishing blow? What if I freeze? What if I choke? What if I start doubting myself and, and, and..."

Lilith could sense a small trembling on Ellie's voice, "And you end up making a mistake?"

"Yes!!"

"What is the deal with you and mistakes?? Everyone makes mistakes... We NEED to make mistakes before we can improve..."

"My mistakes tend to affect other people in very negative ways..."

"Eh...?"

"You saw how hard Detra worked to help me reach the same level as Mia... You saw how much everyone is counting on me... If I fail, we will lose everything!! I might never see my family again!! I will never see my dad coming home late after a long day of work... Never see my mother setting up dinner after telling me to finish my assignments... Never see my grandmother at school giving lessons about greek mythology... never... never...

Never see my aunt again... and just keep thinking about her stuck inside Mia... Every day, for the rest of my life... that is if Mia doesn't end up killing me..."

Ellie didn't realize but she started to cry in the middle of her speech.

"I have so many things that I could lose Lilith... I'm... I'm scared..."

Lilith followed Ellie's voice and pulled her closer to give the girl a hug while she continued to sob all over her.

"It's ok... It's ok... Just let it all out... I'm here..."

Ellie began to cry without control as her emotions began to overflow out of her.

"This... This is so messed up!! I lost my friends, my family, even my own hand!! All because I made a few mistakes!! Do I really deserve all this!!?? Am I really such a bad person that I need to be punished this much?? What about Mia?? She made so many things that are much worse than what I did!! Why doesn't she get punished like me?? Why does she get to have a happy ending??"

Ellie grabbed Lilith's back as if it was the last thing on the planet she could hang on to.

"I hate this!!! I hate this so much!!! I thought things would be better if I just learned magic... But magic doesn't solve anything... Things just keep getting worse and worse!!! I... I think I'm losing my mind the more time I stay in this situation!!"

Lilith began to hold Ellie even tighter to her chest while giving a few light pats on her hair. All the things Ellie was trying so hard to keep bottled inside of her for so long, she finally unleashed all of it on Lilith.

"I wanna go home!! I want my family back!! I just want this to be over, Lilith!! Please tell me everything will be over tomorrow!! Please tell me everything will be ok... That I will see my family again... That we won't have to go through something like this ever again!! Please!!" Ellie cried even more.

Lilith finally gave a reply, "I can't promise you that Ellie... I'm sorry... For the first time in my life... I don't know what the future holds for any of us..."

Ellie cried even harder. These were not the words she wanted to hear.

"Damn it... Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!! This sucks! This sucks so much!!! I hate this!"

"I know... I know..." Lilith started to pat her hair again, "And I can't promise you that things will get better, or that things will be over, or that everyone will be ok in the end..."

"..."

"But I can promise you that I will be by your side, for as long as you need me... Doesn't matter if you're feeling weak, feeling strong, or whatever... I'll be here for you, we all are..."

"Why...?? Just because I'm Evlin's niece??" Ellie cried.

"Of course not... We would have helped you even if you had no connection to Evlin at all..."

"Why!??"

"Because we like you, silly... You're our friend! You're part of the family! Not because of who your aunt is... but because we all love you a lot!"

Ellie just buried herself on Lilith's embrace and continued to cry for a little longer. She kept crying and crying until she had no strength in her voice anymore and found herself in a deep sleep.

Lilith just continued to caress her as if she was her own daughter.

She couldn't see the child right now, but she could completely understand what she was feeling.

"Ashley was wrong... You're more like Evlin than we imagined..."

The following day, it was finally time to march towards the battle with Mia.