Chapter 94 - Anxiety Rising

"I'm empty."

Arriving back at the house, Ren dropped himself on the welcoming comfort of the couch in the lounge room.

"You were only out there for an hour."

Sitting on the couch across from him, Tristan was cleaning his gun with a handkerchief while Charlotte sat silently next to Ren, sinking her attention to the book on her lap.

"I've been out of commission for two months, what do you expect from me? I'm not a damn alien warrior from another planet."

Ren huffed, placing his hands behind his head to relieve himself to total relaxation.

Lifting his head slightly, just enough to get a peek over at Charlotte, who was sat next to his legs, he smiled at the sight of her so deeply engrossed in the book she held.

"What're you reading there?"

"A book."

"...I see that."

Ren chuckled at her meek answer, sitting himself up to get a glance at the words inscribed on the pages. His reading was still in need of improvement, forcing him to silently sound out the words with his lips.

"Luft...Crossing of the four divine winds…"

Silently reading out the words turned into accidentally speaking them as he concentrated on the hard-to-read text.

"Ah, it's a grimoire?"

Ren realized, looking back at Charlotte, who wore a slightly perplexed expression after the young man had basically pressed his face against the page. The young girl gave him a slight nod before shifting her maroon gaze back to the pages.

"Is it in your best interest to interrupt someone's time of reading? I know you're a bit short on intellect yourself, but it doesn't mean you can diminish the concentration of others."

That pompous tone and cold, biting words could only belong to one, androgynous person within the household.

"Lucas…"

Ren was too tired at this point to get into a battle of insults with the feminine boy, watching as he clearly had just stepped out of the shower, drying his gilded-brown hair with a rag as water clung to his glistening, fair skin. Even though he was a boy, seeing his loose, unbuttoned tunic hanging from his slender shoulders forced Ren to retreat his gaze out of fear of awakening Excalibur itself.

"Leave him alone, he's tired."

Speaking up, raising her voice to what would be a normal tone for anyone else, Charlotte meekly defended Ren from Lucas' cutting words.

--Ah, thank you, Angel!

Lucas paused for a moment, shifting his emerald pupils between Charlotte, Ren, and Tristan as if confused at the sight of the shy girl speaking up--shrugging it off and sitting next to Tristan, who still was engrossed on the process of wiping every spec of unwanted dirt from his weapon.

"We'll be heading out on another mission soon."

Keeping the drenched towel across his neck, Lucas ran his slender, polished fingers through his silky hair as his gaze settled on the young man across from him.

"And you're letting me know, why?"

"Ah, I thought I'd just let you know how fun it is to be strong enough to take on quests. Quite the fantastical experience."

--This bastard.

For some reason, Lucas always had it out for him--it was likely due to him being on the bottom of the totem pole, but from the looks of things, he didn't take Lucas to be someone much stronger than him. Then again, his slender form was likely deceiving him.

"Once I get through Purgatory, you better keep that big mouth of yours shut."

"You say that like it's a given that you'll clear it--"

"Lucas."

Charlotte interrupted him, giving him a gaze both of frustration and gloom as she kept her face mostly behind the over-sized book she held onto.

"I'm just being realistic here. How many are known to have cleared that trial? A handful? Even less keep their sanity."

"I know that. This is different though."

"How so?"

"I have Iris with me...And she has me with her. We're not doing this alone, that's the difference."

For a moment, Lucas' quick-witted mind found no retorts to throw back at the boy as he met eye to eye with that steely resolve that buried itself in his hazel mirrors.

"I'll admit, the fact that Beatrice is letting you enter such a trial in the first place is telling enough that she likely believes you will be able to surpass its obstacles. However, Ren, you must remember--she is not an almighty, omniscient being...Beatrice can be and has been wrong before."

"Do you think she's wrong about this?"

Ren pressed Lucas for his answer, who exchanged stares with him for a still moment before tapping his black-coated fingernail against his cheek.

"I don't know. That's something for you to figure out for yourself. It's not on anyone but yourself if you die there. Remember that."

Parting him with those words, Lucas left the lounge room to return to his own quarters. Finally, the silent, silver-haired man finally spoke up without raising his head.

"For what it's worth, I think you have a fair shot at this thing."

"Thanks…"

Silence filled the room as Tristan continued endlessly shining his pistol while Charlotte diligently flipped through pages of her book, leading to Ren finally retreating to the privacy of his own room. Daylight was lost not but a few moments after seating himself on his bed, watching as the moonlight seeped in through the panes in place of the sun's grace.

As he spaced off thinking of the many things he had experienced in his time in Gaia, the familiar and welcoming sound of raindrops pelting against the exterior of the house had soothed him. Soon the subtle fall of rain became heavy, filling his eardrums with songs of precipitation.

--Soon, I'll be away from all of this, I don't know for how long but it'll be a time of little reprieve...At least she'll be there with me.

Shifting himself so that his head was resting against the set of pillows at the head of his bed, Ren let out a soft yawn from his lips.

--Two Months Until Purgatory--

Sitting on the edge of the rock-solid, colossal leaves that made up the floor of the unorthodox base, Ren watched the clouds make their journey through the azure void.

The sound of the creaky front door became audible, briefly taking him out of his tranquil time as he turned to watch Iris take a seat next to him. For a minute, nothing was said as they simply listened to the high-altitude winds pass by them as their legs dangled from the edge of the Grandfather tree.

"It's weird. Feels like just yesterday that I was horrified at the height of this damn place, now it's nothing but the norm."

Ren smiled, turning to look at the girl whose hair matched the sky they watched. As if proving his point, he kicked his legs playfully in the air that sat above thousands of feet of nothingness. Despite him trying to break the ice, Iris stayed silent beside him, looking down towards the evergreen that sat far below.

"Is something wrong?"

Asking with concern coating his voice, Iris simply shook her head before giving him a half-smile.

"Having doubts about Purgatory?"

He decided to press a bit further, seeing right past that faux smile of hers that didn't hide any of the emotions inhabiting her eyes.

"...Yeah."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, Iris--"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Of course, he was the last person capable of reading another's emotions or body language but Iris was always one he could never have the faintest guess about.

"It's you."

"Me?"

Iris nodded her head as Ren pointed to himself, "I don't want you to take the trial…"

It wasn't the first time he had been approached with this, not by Iris or Beatrice--for some reason, the two of them constantly had flipped between what they wanted from him. Looking at the glisten in her eyes, he knew her words came from a well-meaning place.

"Not happening. I'm doing this, Iris."

Giving her a smile, he felt the wind tug at his messy hair as they met gazes for a moment.

"I know...I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'd be kind of sad if everybody just accepted me walking into what could likely be a death trap. Blindly trusting myself has rarely worked out, I'm sure that's why you're coming with me."

"Ren…"

Lowering her head again, her quiet utterance of his name called his gaze to her, responding with a quick, "Hm?"

"Tell me…Why are you so desperate to become strong? You've never stricken me as the type that likes to fight, so I don't get it."

The question fell on his ears with a certain weight that caused his eye to twitch.

It was something that was seldom talked about to the others: what happened before he joined the Outlanders.

"I just want to be strong enough to be able protect you all, just like you do to me. Mainly…I just don't want to be protected…Deadweight, even."

"That's not what I mean."

"Huh?"

"I think that's why most people want to gain strength, but there is always something that leads to that desire…That's what I'm asking you."

Her question stirred up vivid memories for him, causing his bottom lip to tremble as his pupils shook at what was reminisced.

Seeing this reaction from him, Iris fervently shook her head and waved her hands to reject her own question.

"You don't have to answer!"

"It's fine."

Taking a needed supply of air into his lungs, Ren gave her a reassuring smile.

"Before Sora rescued me, I was living at the Althaus estate."

"I remember that."

"Mhm," Ren nodded his head, "I was honestly scared out of my mind when I first arrived there, I tried to hide it the best I could but…He saw through it, I think."

Chuckling at his own words, Ren watched the clouds glide over their heads.

"He?"

"A friend. The best you could ask for."

Before he could continue, the next word came out in a choke as the rims of his eyelids became puffy, holding back tears like immovable dams.

"…I suppose you get the rest of the story."

Turning his face away from her, he hid his reddened eyelids, fervently attempting to brush the straggling tears away.

"…Ren."

Iris soothingly ran her hand across his back, hearing him subtly sniffle.

"Ah! Nevermind me! It's your turn now?"

Cleaning his face of any residual tears, he tried to play it off as if it never happened, facing the girl with puffy eyes and a reddened nose.

"Me?"

"You."

With the tables turned on her, Iris looked down at her swinging legs, fiddling with the creases of her silver skirt before giving him her answer, clearing her throat with a cute, little cough that nearly made Ren go into a coma from the pure sweetness of it.

"...Everyone here is so talented and reliable, strong, both in mind and body...I can't keep up with them. I've been here longer than any of them, yet I was passed up so quickly. Even you, Ren, you'll likely surpass me soon…"

"Are you a child?"

"Eh?"

Ren's quick, deep-cutting response hit her like a brick as she turned her gaze to him with the whites of her eyes on full display.

"Seriously, you're worried about something like that? You're strong, Iris, hella' strong!"

Fervently nailing his words down to her, he inadvertently had brought his face close enough to hers that they exchanged breaths with one another. Such proximity with one another caused both of the introverts to freeze for a moment as their pale complexions tinted with a flustered shade of red.

"Sorry!"

"--Sorry!"

They meekly apologized in unison, pulling their expressions back from one another and shifting their gazes away as blood filled their rosy cheeks.

"I mean what I said, you know…"

Ren muttered, scratching his scarlet-tinted cheek, earning a further blush across the azure-haired girl's cheeks, extending her scarlet fluster to the tip of her ears.

"...Thanks."

Fiddling with her well-kempt hair as a conduit for her own embarrassment, Iris managed to frizzle her straightened hair into curly locks once again.

--I wonder if her hair changes color when she sneezes as well.

It took a few minutes of the cooling breeze to settle her blush but it eventually settled, allowing the two of them to spectate the ever-moving clouds that drifted through the airborne sea.

"We'll beat the hell out of that trial, won't we?"

Iris turned towards Ren as he spoke with utmost confidence, holding a smile that charged the drained batteries of her heart like a lightning bolt.

"We will."