Chapter 635: Doing Things That You Shouldn’t

The astral realm that Jason’s soul space had become was an estate of cloud buildings that sprawled through strange and varied gardens. It all centred on a dark crystal tower in a pagoda style that loomed over everything. Completing the dark lord motif was the giant blue and orange eye floating over the tower that regularly prompted unwelcome Sauron comparisons.

In a garden that looked something like an English country pond, Jason had created an avatar of himself. The avatar was floating cross-legged over the pond while Jason sat on a wooden bench on the shore. He alternately probed and bombarded the avatar with aura attacks and aura probes. The exercise itself had been devised by Amos as part of his training, serving several purposes. It helped him develop his aura defences and aura masking techniques, but these were areas where Jason was already strong.

The training method Amos had shown him was also designed to teach him how to do radically different things with his aura in rapid succession or even simultaneously. Jason had thought himself quite adept at manipulating his aura, which Amos quickly remedied by showing him how much he had left to learn. Rather than be disheartened, Jason had been excited at all the new possibilities laid out before him.

For the training method to be effective, Jason had initially required the more powerful Amos to switch between probes and bombardment to apply sufficient pressure. But inside his soul space, Jason had far more power than he did outside it. Once he figured out how to accurately replicate his outside power levels with an avatar, he was able to use the method through self-study, attacking his own avatar. As the avatar was still a part of himself, everything it learned, he did as well.

The training Amos was giving him, this method included, was comprehensively advancing Jason's aura manipulation skills, and the results were already starting to show. When Jason had first arrived in Rimaros he'd attempted to create an identity mask by manipulating his aura. He was only now realising the many reasons his sloppy attempt had aroused the suspicion of even someone of lower rank than himself, cringing at his crude, earlier attempt.

Jason sensed the presence of Arabelle standing in front of his portal and he opened it to let her inside. He opened an arch next to himself so she would arrive next to him. She looked around before sitting down beside him on the wooden bench, joining him in observing the avatar.

“It unsettles me, coming here,” she told him. “The Healer is one of the more hands-off gods, but I’m still used to his presence in the back of my mind.”

“And here I was thinking that having someone taking up residence inside your mind would be the unsettling part.”

“There’s a comfort in faith, Jason. For some. Not those favoured by Dominion, of course. He likes the ones who refuse to kneel.”

“Ugh, don’t talk about that guy. And who said I won’t kneel? I’ll take scuffed knees over a severed neck.”

“Is that a lie or selective memory?”

“I was younger then.”

“How long ago did Shako kill you for your insolence?”

“About a year. And I wouldn’t describe it as insolence. If some prick is telling you what to do for no better reason than they have the power to do so, they need mouthing off to.”

Arabelle turned to look at him from under raised eyebrows.

“I’m aware of the irony,” he said, not turning to meet her eyes.

“You told her to change her hair and eyes? You shouldn’t be trying to take away people’s body autonomy, Jason. Especially as a punitive measure.”

“I know. I was angry. It’s why I walked away.”

She nodded.

“Your friends are concerned that you’re moping in here. You shut them out, literally and figuratively. I was a little surprised you let me in, but it’s a good sign that you did.”

Jason let out a sigh.

“I know. Back in Greenstone, this was the part where I’d go off and clear adventure board notices until I’d worked through my problems. Keep busy doing something worthwhile as I was getting my head straight. I can’t just leave everyone now, though. So, I’m just taking some time while I do some training.”

Arabelle turned her gaze back to the avatar.

“One of Lord Pensinata’s training exercises?” she asked.

“Yes.”

She nodded her approval.

“Separating yourself as you process emotions in your own time has always been one of your healthier defence mechanisms. Just make sure not to cut yourself off from your support structure. Too much separation has turned poisonous on you before, as you well know. Don’t recreate your conditions on Earth for yourself.”

“I know.”

“Knowing something and using that knowledge for self-improvement are very different things, Jason.”

“I know that too.”

“I’m not sure that girl does. She clearly has some kind of fixation on you.”

“Are you telling me that I should be happy I have a pretty stalker?”

“You know that I’m not. I find it interesting that you chose to point out that she was pretty.”

“Anyone with eyes can see that.”

“You’re avoiding a response to my observation. We’ve talked about that.”

Jason grumbled.

“Are you interested in this woman?”

“I don’t know her.”

“That isn't what I asked. It's plain that there is some manner of compulsion there. She's no prettier than Miss Wexler, yet Zara Rimaros gets under your skin in a way that Sophie never has.”

“It’s not Rimaros anymore. It’s Nareen.”

Arabelle turned to look at Jason again, this time her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Jason.”

“Yes?”

“Are you spying on the other team?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you been observing the goings-on inside their new vehicle?”

“I’m claiming this conversation under the confidentiality of a healer consultation. You can’t tell anyone about the things I tell you.”

“It’s between you, me and my god.”

“They don’t count, the privacy ignoring... that doesn’t matter. I just want to know you won’t tell people what I tell you.”

“I won’t. Even if I think that you’re keeping secrets and doing things that you shouldn’t.”

“I had Farrah and Belinda take a look at the defences of the other team’s vehicle when it first joined the convoy. I had the girls put a hole in the protections so Shade could slip in and out to observe them.”

“You’ve been spying on them.”

“Shade operates under certain strictures, you know that. He won’t tell me anything unless there is a security threat or something else I need to know.”

“Or unless you ask him.”

“Yes.”

“And have you?”

Jason didn’t answer for a long time. Arabelle waited him out.

“I listened in on a conversation between Zara and Korinne.”

“That’s a wildly inappropriate use of the power you have over the people in this convoy. It’s a violation.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I have a bad habit of becoming the thing I hate, the moment I get the chance.”

“Your actions towards this woman are setting up a power imbalance, Jason. The kind of imbalance that you described between yourself and Asya.”

The avatar over the pond dissolved into nothing.

“I’m not in a relationship with Zara Rimaros.”

“You weren’t with Asya for a long time, from what you’ve told me. She was a young woman chasing you around in a position where you held all the power. Does that sound familiar?”

“She wasn’t chasing me around. I never said anything like that.”

“Farrah did. I learned more about your time on Earth from her than I did you, Jason. Even after all this time, you are more withholding than you should be.”

“You shouldn’t be talking to other people about me.”

“I wasn’t. I was listening.”

“What’s going on here is nothing like what happened with Asya.”

“Not yet.”

Jason stood up, storming back and forth. He didn't seem to notice when his sharp pacing took him onto the surface of the water, which held him like solid ground. Suddenly he stopped, his back to Arabelle.

“My fears have always been narcissistic,” he said, not turning around. “I’ve been confronted with them magically, more than once, and they’re always about myself. Fear of what I’ll become. Fear of how I’ll fail, and what my actions will cost. Frankly, they’ve all been very well-founded. And now I have a new fear.”

“And that is?”

Jason turned, holding out his arms to indicate the space around them.

“Do you understand what this place is?”

“Not really. Some kind of astral space created by your soul.”

“This isn’t a place I created. This place is me. I’m as much geography as I am a person.”

“Ah,” Arabelle said as she nodded her head, realising Jason’s issue. “You’ve finally returned to your friends, but you’re afraid that your path will take you away from them again.”

“They're essence users. It defines their power and their path forward. Even if they manage to follow that path to the end, it makes them like Soramir. That's not where my path leads. Many of the gold and diamond-rank secrets are still hidden from me, but I'm an astral king. I'm still not sure exactly what that means, but I do know it puts me on a different path from anyone I care about. Even Dawn.”

Arabelle nodded again.

“Sit down, Jason.”

He did as instructed.

“Your fears aren’t as self-involved as you seem to think.”

“The nightmare hags I’ve met say differently.”

“And you think some monster you met understands you better than I do? Such creatures latch onto the fears closest to your sense of self-identity. Of course, what they dig up is about you.”

“That’s not what I was told.”

“And when did you, of all people, start believing whatever you were told? How many times have we discussed what happened to your brother, your friend and your lover over the last few months? About your fear of losing other people close to you?”

“A lot of times,” he begrudgingly acknowledged.

“You seem to have gotten it into your head that losing them is inevitable, and you're mentally preparing for that severance by distancing yourself from them emotionally.”

“That’s not what I’m–”

“Yes, it is. You're convinced that you'll become so alien that you won't care about them anymore.”

“What if that is what’s going to happen? What if it’s inevitable?”

Arabelle shook her head in disbelief.

“What you do is obvious: you choose for that not to happen.”

“I just choose?”

“Since when has impossible or inevitable stopped you from doing anything? Are you, of all people, going to tell me that powers on the level of a great astral being are too much to fight against?”

Jason blinked.

“Huh.”

“Yes.”

They sat side by side for a long time as Jason realigned his thoughts. Arabelle felt his body language shift as he nodded to himself.

“What are you going to do about your pretty young stalker?” she asked. “It’s clear that she’s in a very uncertain place with her self-identity. You could potentially do some real damage there.”

Jason nodded his agreement.

“She seems to have latched onto the idea that I can somehow show her what’s next for her.”

“And what will you do about that?”

“I’m not ready to be anyone’s purpose, or even to show them theirs. I think only Shade has a better understanding of what a mess I am right now.”

“That doesn’t change the question. What will you do about her?”

“She's gotten it in her head that I can do something for her, but the person she needs is you. Do I send her away to take myself out of the equation? Point her at one of your colleagues? Or do I let her stay and confront whatever has gotten her fixated on me? This is not rhetorical, by the way. I'm genuinely asking you as a mental health professional.”

“You should not be the one to handle her situation if she stays.”

“Oh, I completely agree. I think regular sessions with you should be the condition of letting her join the convoy. I’ll stay well out of it.”

“I’m surprised you’re willing to tolerate her presence at all.”

“I'm sympathetic to her personal brand of damage, even if we came to it from opposite directions. I understand doing reckless things because it seems like the only path forward, but I let her stay for Korinne's team. They got kind of a rough deal in terms of determining their own fate. They didn't ask to be stuck dealing with me lording over them.”

“Then perhaps you should give them some more autonomy.”

“No. But having Zara on their team will be a boon for them when this is done with and we part ways. I can give them that much.”

***

When Jason and Arabelle emerged from his soul space, no one else was around, bar the traffic moving down the road they were parked next to. Jason found his new cloud vessel had completed its formation and his companions had already boarded to explore their new home.

The result of the House de Varco’s purpose-built design looked more akin to Earth design than it had before, being something like a sleek white pleasure yacht sitting on top of a giant hovercraft. Jason could feel the changes through his connection to it having been produced by the soul-linked cloud flask.

In terms of speed and manoeuvrability, there were only minor enhancements. The larger differences came from the protective properties of the exterior and the integrity of the structure. The materials that had been added to the cloud flask had been selected to enable the vessel to produce specialised defences that optimised both the protective properties of those materials and the cloud vehicle's ability to dissolve and reconstitute its structure. The result was both resilient to attack and able to repair itself in real-time during an attack.

The other new feature, also oriented towards combat, was the speciality weapons designed by Travis. Large ordnance was his speciality and he had developed an array of weapons that would enhance Jason’s cloud vessel should they find themselves in combat. As they were heading in the direction of a potentially large conflict with the messengers, Jason was happy to have potent new weapons in his arsenal.

Certain design elements in the reformed vessel were similar to those in the vehicle recently purchased by Korinne and her team. Like the modifications to the cloud vessel, its design came from House de Varco, although the end results were very different. The cloud vessel was larger and a visibly hybridised vehicle. The other was made entirely from conventional materials and was only as big a vehicle as Korinne's team could convince her to buy. Even then, she had only capitulated since the team had all supplied funds in equal measure.

The door to the vehicle Korinne's team now called home opened up. The top of the door came out and down, extending to form a ramp. Zara emerged, her hair and eyes now looking like polished copper. Her hair was loose, parted in the middle as it fell to her shoulders, framing the caramel skin of her face. Jason clamped down his aura, but he gave Arabelle a side glance, knowing she'd caught his reaction to Zara's dark beauty.

“This is Arabelle Remore,” Jason introduced coldly. “She will ask you some questions and decide if you can remain as a part of this convoy. If you lie to her, you’re out. If you evade or refuse to answer her questions, you’re out.”

Jason turned and marched up the ramp leading into his own vehicle.

“Mr Asano,” Shade said once they were inside the vessel. Another innovation from the de Varco designs was an automated privacy screen in corridors and cabins for soundproofing. That made the entry foyer they were in secure against prying ears.

“Yes, Shade?”

“You seem to be having an outsized reaction to Lady Nareen.”

“I noticed that myself.”

“Perhaps you should have yourself tested for external influences.”

“If something was affecting me, I’d know.”

“Perhaps. On the other hand, you and your abilities are well known enough that an enemy could have designed a subtle attack with properties to avoid detection, allowing it to bypass your system notification ability.”

Jason frowned, considering the idea.

“I think if there was anything, I would have realised it in my soul space.”

“Perhaps it is related to your soul space, and not necessarily malign. The lingering effects of such a different state of being could still be affecting you. Or the link with the avatar you created could potentially have left you more open to altered emotional states.”

Jason frowned.

“That sounds dishearteningly plausible.”

“Perhaps you should seek out Mr Standish and Mr Davone, to see if they can find anything.”

“I don’t like that idea.”

“An astral magic specialist and a healer would be the appropriate people to consult, Mr Asano.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to go to Clive and Neil to ask if my private god realm is making me horny.”