Chapter fifty-seven: Sharing their past

"Well.. how would I start this? Uhm.. I am an illegitimate child."

His mouth fell open, I know he wants to say something but he remained quiet so I continued my story. 

"I know my Mom already told you, about her not being a Davis not like me. It's because I was born out of marriage. My father has his own family when he and my Mom got into a relationship, and then I came. And remember I told you about my siblings? They were just my half brother and a half-sister."

I sighed as I remember them... I missed them so much... 

"I was ten years old when I found out the truth about my Mom and my father's relationship. I was so happy before then. I thought I have a complete family, with my Mom, my Dad and my siblings who's both older than me. But when I reached the age of ten, I started to ask some questions about our situations."

"I thought we're family? And when you say 'family' meaning they all live in the same roof. But why does my Dad and both brother and sister needs to go home every afternoon.. or every time they visit us home? I always asked Mom about it, but she just keep on changing the topic when it comes to that question."

"And then I learned to use the internet. Facebook, youtube, google, and I searched for my Dad's name in facebook. And then it boom! I found out that we're just his second family. That he's married and my mother was just his second woman. That we're just his second option."

I can feel some hot tears forming in my eyes. All my life.. we never came first, we're just a second family, I was just a child on the second wife.. but until now.. I am still a second option, my heart personally choose to be just a second choice. 

No.. wrong! I wasn't a second choice, because I'm not even listed from one of his choices... But yeah, I remember.. I once became his first.. 'his first back up' to his revenge plan.. At least I experienced to become first... 

"I was bullied after that.. in school, by our neighbors and all those who knew our family's story. They called my Mom a lot of names. A slut, a bitch, a plague in the society, and whatever harsh words they want to call her. And about me.. I became their favorite pet in everywhere. They always shouted.. 'Hey, Madi! The illegitimate child, the second family, the second option!'.."

"And because of that, I wanted to prove to myself that they were wrong! That I can be a first! I tried to participate in sports, and in that... I brought my Mom a new name.. 'The mother of the champion'... I became first! I became the champion! And even in school, I always make sure I remained on top."

I wiped the hot fluids that are now running down on my face. He shifted himself closer to me and hold my both hands. 

"But you are now the champion, Madi. No matter what they say, you will be our champion, you're number one for us. And you already proved that to them that you're not just a second option or a choice."

He said looking to my eyes, but it just brought me more tears and a deep ache to my heart. 

-'Yeah, I already proved that to them, but not in you. Because in whatever I do... I will be just a second choice to you. I can never be your first, not now or ever..'- my heart silently muttered while still in closed eyes. 

"But you know what.. no matter what they did or say to us, I never felt mad or angry with my Mom. Because I know the only wrong thing that she did was to fall in love. To fall in love with the wrong person and in the wrong situation. But it's different with my Dad. I never talked to him after that. It just really hurts to know, that the man you're looking up to.. was the same man who would also break your little heart and your little dream."

The moment I finished speaking, he pulled me into a hug and kissed me on top of my head. 

"Shhh.. it's in the past. If your father can't be a man for you.. then I will be."

I pulled back and looked at him. He cupped both of my cheeks. 

"I can be your man, Madi."

I smiled bitterly. 

"You can't, Gabriel. You can't." I said looking into his eyes while shaking my head. "How will you become my man, if you're still a someone else's man?"

-'And how can you be mine if you're heart still belongs to her? You can't be my man and I can never be your woman.'-

I take both of his hands away from my face and looked back again in the water. He didn't say anything, he just remained quiet. 

-'How can I unlove you, Gabriel?'-

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Gabriel's POV:

I can't form any words after what she said. I just remained quiet and played the water with my feet. 

She's right. I can't be her man. Well, how can I, if until now I can't be a man for myself? 

I sighed and glanced at her face. Her eyes were full of sadness and hurt, and how I wish I could ease that or take it away from her instead. Now I understand her more, and I think I'm ready to share this sensitive topic in my life. 

"Remember how many times you asked me, what's the real reason why I can't moved on with Stacey? And why do I need to get revenge?"

She looked at me with wide eyes and shock was written all over her face. I know she's been asking this from the first time, and I also know she's not expecting this topic for this moment. 

"It's not that I can't move on, Madi. I was hurt and devastated when she left me. Remember I told you, I almost gave her everything? Well, I did. I gave up my dreams just for her. I was so stupidly in love with her during those times, so when she choose to go with Ray, I can't accept it------"

"Why are you telling this to me now?" she cut me off and I looked at her. "Was it because I shared to you my life story?"

"No! I understand you completely, and I think I awe you this things since you decided to help me."

She sighed but she didn't speak again, so I continue. 

"I can't accept what she did. But what you know what really hurts the most?" I looked directly into her eyes. "That's when I found out that she aborted our baby."

And it widened like saucers when she turned to me. 

"Oh my God, Gabriel!" she said now facing me. 

I tried to avoid this topic many times before but for her, I'll try to open myself more. 

I smiled before I continue. "I didn't know she was pregnant by that time. She's asking more of my attention. But it never came to my mind that she can be pregnant. She said she was in pills when we decided to live together, and I just found out that she stopped it when she missed her menstruation. And when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me she wasn't ready... then one day I found out from one of our friends that she's been going out with Ray."

"Then when I came home, the maid gave me a bottle of pills that they found in the bathroom. 'Mifepristone'. It's also called the abortion pill. I don't know where did she get that. And my world turned upside down, Madi. I can be a father by that time, but she took that opportunity away from me! She killed our child, Madi. That's why I wanted to get her back and to make her feel the pain that she caused me. She acts as if nothing happened. As if she didn't kill an innocent child."

I balled my fists as the anger and pain from losing my child came back to me once again. 

She held my hands and I was shocked when I see her crying. It made my heart more shattered when I see her tears. I wiped them and cupped her cheeks. 

"Shhh... you don't need to waste your tears for that. I'm okay.. well not really, but I know I will."

I smiled and kissed her on her forehead before I pulled her closer to me. 

"You can also ask me anything." I said looking down on her face. But she just smiled and shook her head. And my eyes landed on her lips. I missed the feeling of kissing her soft lips. And I almost go insane when she bite the corner of it. 

"Madi.." I warned her with my breath become rigid. 

"What?" she asked me and she chewed it more. I am at the edge of exploding. 

"Don't do that?"

I said, my voice barely a whisper and my thumb released her lips from her teeth. But the stubborn teeth chew it again... and that's it! 

I cupped her face and I kissed her. I missed this. I missed her scent, her soft skin and her soft lips. She kissed me back and put her hands on the back of my neck. 

We stayed there for I don't know how long.. kissing each other... until.... 

"Aherm! I'm sorry to interrupt your romantic moment kids, but you can also continue that to your own room."

We instantly pulled back from each other when we heard her Mom's voice. We looked at her and she has a mischievous smile on her face. 

"It's cold here and you two can catch colds. You don't want that to happen, do you? And I don't want my first grandchild to be made at the edge of the swimming pool!"

"Mom!"

Madi's face blushed into deep shade of red and she glared at her mother. And seeing her discomfort, I hugged her and kissed her on the top of her head while chuckling