Chapter 123 - 95 Part 3

Rayven gazed into Angelica's eyes for a long moment. He had already sensed her fear from the way she tensed and her heartbeat changed before she spoke. He saw the fear in her eyes, the small darting movement of uncertainty but also the emptiness and sadness in them. Something had happened while he was gone. Perhaps she had more nightmares that scared her even more. He could see that she was trying hard to hide her fear or maybe she just so desperately wanted to be brave. Either way, this didn't feel good. It didn't excite him or make him burn with an uncontrollable urge that he couldn't fight once the woman he wanted accepted to be mated to him. Rayven felt even sad about this, for both of them. This was meant to be exciting, intense, beautiful. A moment of a union to remember forever. 

He had once hungered for this. When he was more selfish, all he wanted was to make her his. He was so focused on his wants and needs that the mating didn't have more meaning than just satisfying himself. He was so focused on it that he was even afraid to just give in to his desire and do it against her will. Strangely he didn't have that fear now. His fear was to make her scared, but his demon was calm. Both him and his demon wanted something more from the mating now and the more his feelings grew for her, the more he wanted to honor the mating bond. It had more meaning to him now than ever. It meant more than getting what he wanted. This wasn't how he wanted to do it. Not that he thought it would work even if he did. There was a small chance it could work, but he wasn't willing to take that chance. 

"I am ready," she said.

Rayven frowned and shook his head slightly. "No, you are not ready. You are prepared. There is a difference." 

She looked at him confused. 

"Just like you weren't ready to get married but prepared yourself. Convinced yourself. You did it for survival, for safety and I did it for selfish reasons. I don't want to do it like that again." 

"I am not prepared. I am ready," she said trying to keep a straight face. 

Was she listening to him? And what was that look in her eyes? She was frightening him and he became worried. 

"Are you?"

"I am only nervous." 

He smiled. "I know when you are nervous, Angelica. When I pull you into my arms to kiss you, then you get nervous. When I tell you or show you what I want to do to you and with you, then you get nervous. Now you are not nervous. You scared to death." 

Her eyes widened. 

"Would you shiver with excitement if I drew you into my arms now, knowing that I want to sink my fangs into your neck?"

She swallowed but kept her gaze straight. 

"Would you feel warmth or would your body turn cold?" He wasn't asking to get answers. He wanted her to think about it. "Angelica, even when we are in a moment where we are completely consumed by desire, your body turns cold as soon as you know about my fangs." 

Angelica looked down at her hands as if ashamed. 

"I am not blaming you," he took her hands in his. "I just don't want this to be a similar moment to the one where you went down to the dungeon. You didn't suddenly become friends with bats," he joked to lighten the mood even though he was serious. 

It would be a horror not just for her, but also for him to bite her and then have her faint in his arms. And even worse to find out that the marking didn't work. It would be like preparing a wedding and finding out on the wedding day that your bride ran away. That would feel like a stab straight in his heart. One that would leave a scar that would never heal. 

Angelica smiled a little and he pulled her closer. "I want at least one of our unions to be memorable. Something you remember with a smile."

"What if I don't find the courage?" Her voice broke. 

"If I, a coward could stop wanting to die after four-hundred years, then you a brave woman can do anything. I will help you, but I know even alone you would be able to do it," he grabbed her face between his hands. 

"I am… I am not that strong. I… I am tired now." 

He smiled. That was what he was telling her. He didn't want her to be strong all the time, forcing herself to accept a mark when she wasn't ready. This, here was what he wanted. He wanted her to just let him know she was tired and let go. He wanted her to lean on him even though he wasn't strong enough to protect her, but she still leaned on him. She just let her body fall into his and he held her close. Her arms just fell at the sides of her body, as if she didn't have the strength to hold onto him. 

"Then I need to take care of you," he bent down and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. 

She gasped, "My lord...Rayven! What are you doing?" 

He could imagine her red face as he carried her inside. 

"People will see," she said. 

He could teleport but he wanted to enjoy the walk and see what else she would say. These small protests only made him happier. A playful contest of who was in charge. 

"Let them see," he smirked. "Did you eat today?" 

She became quiet. 

"Simu," he said and halted. Angelica stiffened and Rayven chuckled. "I was joking. He isn't here." He told her and began walking again. 

She hit him on the back not too hard and he chuckled again. 

"Well, there will be a punishment whenever you don't eat." 

"Uh, I am not a child." 

"Then stop behaving like one," he said, waiting amused for her comeback. 

"Are you trying to anger me?" 

"Is it working?"

"It won't take much this time," she threatened. 

Did she realize he could easily break her in half? 

She trusted him. 

He walked into the room and let her slide off his shoulder but held her against his body. 

"You said you don't trust me?" He said looking into her eyes. 

"I don't trust you with your life, but I trust you with mine." 

"Well, my life is yours now." 

"Then you can't die without my permission," she told him. 

He smiled and she leaned into him again resting her head against his chest. This time she wrapped her arms around him. Rayven stroked her back, "what happened?" He asked softly. 

"A lot." 

He remained quiet so she would continue but she said nothing. 

"Do you want to tell me?" 

"Yes." 

It became quiet again but he waited patiently. A little anxious since this seemed to weigh heavy on her. 

"My mind...it is… I don't know. Before I can process anything, something new happens and now it is all a mess in my head. I don't know anymore… where do I start?" Her voice was heavy. 

Rayven's heart was heavy as well. So much was happening to her so it was only normal that she felt overwhelmed. Especially a thinker like her, she liked to process things, make sense of them before speaking but what was happening mostly didn't make any sense. 

"I will listen when you are ready." 

"I feel so many things and nothing," she continued.

This wasn't good. He recognized this feeling. He pulled her back to look at her and her face was wet. 

"I saw my mother," she told him, and then she couldn't speak anymore. She burst into tears and he hugged her. 

The way she shook in his arms as she kept crying broke his heart. This woman who deserved the world has only received a burden after another since her father died. She needed a break to breathe and clear her mind. 

He should take her away from here for a while and make her forget these problems.. Why hadn't he thought about it before? He should take her to the demon world for a while.