348 Hold me

Alex's kiss was rough and his grip on her hands were tight, as if he was venting all his frustrations and anger through his kisses. Yet it was still hot and mind blowing. The sound of their lips and tongues crashing filled the quiet room and the heat from their bodies and fierceness of their desire boosted up the temperature of the room to the nth degree.

"Mmmm…" Abi moaned against his lips and Alex finally pulled away. Their breaths mingled as they looked deeply into each other's eyes.

He bent down and kissed her eyes, her nose, and then her lips, so delicately as if he was kissing the wings of a butterfly, before he backed off again.

"Abigail… What should I do to prove to you that I'm more than serious about you? That you're all that I want in this universe?" he asked, his voice soft and hoarse. He looked like he was struggling to his bones and this sight of him was not something Abi could look away from. She didn't ever want to see him like this, like a desperate, unwanted puppy. She didn't think that losing the deal would make him look this defeated.

He bent down again and showered her with gentle kisses as he uttered these words. "Please… tell me… I'm losing my mind… I'm going crazy… I don't want to let you go… I want you… I want you damn bad…"

Alex was right on the edge of his restraint. He was battling with himself. His demons were telling him to just take her and stop begging for her permission. His demons were telling him to just seize her body now and make her his so she wouldn't be able to escape him anymore. His demons were telling him that she was the one who seduced him to this point and that it was okay.

But what if she hated him after that? That thought was the only thing stopping him from listening to his inner demons. He was really, really tormented, so much that it was driving him insane. He didn't understand why he stopped himself. He couldn't understand why he couldn't conquer her. He had conquered the world so why not her? She was now the world to him, so why?

Alex closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. He realized that the reason was because she was not just his world, she was his universe; something he had never conquered before. His power and money, his body and mind, and now his heart seemed to still be not enough to subdue her, to make her his. This physically fragile little lamb... how the hell was she so tough? Was her heart made of steel? Was there really no other way for him to show her that he… wait…

Looking like a genius idea just popped inside his head, Alex opened his eyes. His grip on her tightened again and his heartbeat abnormally accelerated just at the thought of it.

"I'm serious. I want to marry you, little lamb. Let's get married," he repeated and the dumbfounded Abi found her voice again.

Suddenly, she wanted to cry and before she knew it, she pulled her hands off his loosened grip and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him down into her embrace.

This wasn't just because her heart had finally given up. It was because she suddenly felt like Alex's memories would never return again. Alex asking her to marry him just made her feel that way and it was breaking her heart. No… she must not give up. Maybe she was being too impatient. Maybe she just needed to stop worrying about it too much and just keep holding on to that hope that he would eventually remember her again in the future. Maybe she was just being paranoid. Maybe the key was to give in to him and just let things flow.

Abi felt tired. Tired of holding back from holding him again. Tired of controlling herself. Tired of saying 'no' to him when all she wanted was to scream the word 'yes'. She was tired of having to pretend that she didn't care, that she was tough and strong enough to resist and wait for that day to come.

Hugging him like that made her body relax in a way that she had been longing for for a long time. Finally being about to drop all the facade made her feel so relieved, as if she had removed all her armor and was now feeling lighter than ever.

Alex pulled away from her, still stunned with what his little lamb did. He looked into her eyes and saw them glimmering with such raw emotion as she gazed up at him.

Her hands moved to his face and she cupped them gently. "I'm sorry but I can't accept your proposal," she said, causing Alex's world to split into half. But what she said next made everything stand still. "But… I want you to hold me tonight, Alex…"

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