Chapter 93 - Confessions

"So why are you crying?" He asked, bursting her bubbles.

Heya knew she could not avoid this but she wanted to. 

"I wasn't crying. Something got inside my eyes." She used the basic lie she could think of. 

He nodded like he believed her and said, "Yea. Because I am stupid enough to buy that lie."

"I am not lying. And why do you even care?" She eyed him and wanted to walk past him back to the seaside but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly. She tried to break free from his hold but he refused to let her go. He held her hand firmly until he noticed a tear escape an eye. 

"Just... please..." She said weakly and looked away to the side so he wouldn't see her tears. But it was too late. He had clearly seen her crying. 

But instead of letting go, he held her even firmly but was careful not to hurt her. 

"We are going to remain like this until you tell me what's wrong with you. You know me well to know I won't let you leave." 

Yes, she did know him well. If she didn't open her mouth to talk, he would make sure they remained there until morning and still won't let her go until she told him what was wrong with her. But could she? It was too embarrassing and annoying. 

"Let me go Liang. You shouldn't be holding me like this when you have a fiancee who is around here somewhere." 

He watched her quietly and noticed how she was trying to avoid an eye contact with him. 

"Are you... crying... because of me?" He asked quietly. 

"I'M NOT!" She denied immediately and sniffled loudly. 

"You know Li Heya... sometimes, I cannot understand you." He said, still not releasing her hand. 

"Do you know the real reason our relationship didn't work?" He asked rhetorically and answered, "It was because of you. It's fine for you to show your insecurities but you pretend like you are okay when you are not?" 

"Most times, I didn't know what you were thinking. I ask if you are okay and you tell me you are when you are not. I ask if you like something and you tell me you do when you do not. Do you know how hard it was?" 

She tried to yank her hand away from his hold while glaring at him angrily. 

"What? My fault?" She didn't bother to hide her teary eyes from him anymore. She snorted in disbelief. 

"We broke up because of you! Fine! I admit I was very insecure and angry. But you knew how much I loved you. Everyone.. knew." Her voice broke and more tears escaped her eyes. 

"Do you know how painful it was to notice you were drifting away from me but I couldn't do anything?"

"I WASN'T.... drifting away!" He said, trying to control his brewing temper. "It was all in your head. You only believed what you wanted to believe. You turned blind to the truth and let your insecurities control your mind." 

"Don't you dare!!!" She warned. "Swear to me that you never cheated on me during the four years we dated. Swear you didn't think about ending things with me." 

By now, they were both raising their voices at each other. 

"Yes! I admit there were a lot of times I wanted to break up with you." He admitted and could see how hurt she looked by the revelation. 

"But it had nothing to do with another woman. You were slowly driving me insane with your attitude and I needed to get myself back. But then, you mean a lot to me and I didn't want to let you go." 

"Lies!" She cut in. "All lies. You were even in scandals a couple of times. What about that girl? That girl you were working with?" 

"Jesus Heya! I told you times without number that nothing happened between us. Fine! I admit I was wrong for being close to her but I didn't have any choice. It was all business."

"Business? Yea." She said and laughed dryly. 

"I admit I was wrong. But I am a businessman, Li Heya. We had to sign a really big deal with her father. Her family thought I would end up having something to do with their daughter and I didn't correct that impression when I realised that was the basis for which they were agreeing to sign with us in the first place. Their daughter had also suggested I didn't tell her parents. She knew I had a woman I loved, and maybe she did have a crush on me but nothing happened between us." He finally stopped to catch his breath and released his hold around her wrist when he noticed his hold had tightened due to his rising emotions. 

Heya was left dumbfounded because she didn't know what else to say. He had explained this several times to her before that nothing happened between him and that girl. How come it was only now that she was willing to believe him?

He sighed deeply before finally letting her hand go. 

"I loved you Li Heya. You were a big case but I loved you a lot. And I still love you." He confessed softly.

Heya's heart literally stopped when he said those words to her. That one percent chance happened. He just said he still loved her! 

More tears ran down her eyes. She wanted to let him know she felt the same way and that she was sorry for everything. She wanted him to know she loved him and she wanted him back. 

"I..." 

"I've always..."

He interrupted. "... wondered what it would be like to meet you again. I always wondered how much you have changed. But..." He shook his head and took a step backwards. 

"Nothing has changed about you. You are still that insecure girl with a terrible inferiority complex and low self esteem. I think... it even got worse over the years." 

Heya heard something shatter into pieces and realised it was her heart. She stood there frozen, cold and pale and afraid. 

"And as much as I love you..."

'No. Please don't say it. Please...'

"I don't think I want to walk down that lane again." He said the words she prayed he wouldn't say. 

"Because I think, it's going to be same as what happened between us." He sighed again and looked behind him. "We should go back now. It's getting colder here." 

He turned around to leave and it was Heya's turn to grab his wrist with both of her hands before he could move further away. 

"Zhu... Li-a-ng.." She called in a broken voice. He stopped walking but didn't turn around to look at her. 

Her hands moved from his wrist to hold his hand instead. "I.. am sorry." She said, trying so hard not to let her broken voice get in the way right now. It was either now or never. 

"I am sorry." She repeated again. 

He still didn't say a word neither did he turn to look at her. She decided to stand in front of him. She still held his hand tightly because she feared he would walk away once she let him go. 

Standing in front of him now, he turned to look at the side, making sure to avoid making an eye contact with her. She could see how clouded his eyes were but he stubbornly refused any tears to fall. 

"I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please..." She wasn't embarrassed that she was crying in front of him. She wasn't embarrassed that she, the only daughter in the present second generation of the Li family was begging a man after she said she wasn't going to have anything to do with men. She wasn't embarrassed at all. All she wanted was for him to forgive her. Because she wasn't sure she would be able to live without him. 

"I... love you." She confessed. 

"Li Heya." He closed his eyes and called her name softly, hoping she would stop talking.

"I cannot live without you. Please..." 

This time, he turned to look at her. His eyes was glistening with tears but he kept a serious look, 

"Stop saying things like that." 

"I made mistake the first time. But I promise I will change. Just... give me another chance."

His lips formed a straight line. When he couldn't bear to look at her again, he looked away from her to face the side again. 

"Are you... really going to get engaged to Suyin?" 

She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer, but she asked anyway. 

"I'm not." He answered, still without looking at her. 

"And you aren't going to accept me back?" She asked, sounding like she was in pain.

"I am tempted to." He answered honestly. "But for now...." 

"That's fine!" She said, finally letting go of his hands to clean her tears with her hands. 

"I... still have a chance?" She asked hopefully. 

He picked up the handkerchief he gave her earlier, which she had dropped when she grabbed his hand. He walked closer to her and gently began to help her clean the tears off her face. 

"You are the only one who has a chance with me." 

"I... will win you back." She said confidently while looking deeply into his eyes. 

He smiled faintly before moving much closer to her like he was going to kiss her, but he planted a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered softly,

"Good luck Li Heya."