Chapter 40 - What if someone poisons me?

"Are you not hungry?" Aunty Ozaki gives me a sweet potato. "Eat this on the way. You didn't eat anything last night."

I take the bundle of sweet potato. "I will eat it. Thanks a lot for everything."

"Son, take care of your wife." Uncle Ozaki pats Kamiyama's back. "Visit us again. Next time, come back with your child."

Kamiyama nods his head seriously. "I promise. We will visit you again with our future child."

I stare at him. This guy? Isn't he taking this too seriously? Don't promise things that can't happen. Never mind. I don't have any energy left to deal with this guy. I want to go back home.

Not home, temporary place at Kamiyama's residence.

He takes the bundle from me and walks a little ahead of me. At day time, the mountain looks less frightening. There are more people.

"Why did you promise that?" I can't help but ask. I am irritated that he would say things like that. It's better not about me. Does he have feelings for me already?

"Are you going to come back with your wife and child in the future?"

"Yes." I hear him reply. He doesn't stop walking. I jog up to him and grab his arm.

"Kamiyama, are you going to marry your secretary?" I look into his eyes. "Or have you decided on some other woman?"

Kamiyama gives me a smile. "Can anyone take the position of my wife? She has to be someone qualified enough to capture my heart. Most women aren't even eligible for that position."

The natural playboy. I am relieved. "I am curious about what kind of woman is qualified for you. If you are too picky, you will end up alone."

He takes my hand and squeezes it. "My pickiness level is nothing compared to yours. You didn't eat anything at Ozaki house because you are picky and whiny like bad children. Do you know how much you have hurt them?"

I exhale. He is noticing it sooner than I expected it. Being picky cannot be used as an excuse for a long time.

"Yes, I am picky and I care about hygiene." I chin up with fake attitude. "I can't just eat from any place. I also hate eating with other people. My grandmother used to say that you trust the other person if you are sharing the meal table with them. I don't trust them. What if someone poisons me?"

Half lie. Half truth. This way, this bastard won't bother me anymore. A cynical and untrusting personality is better than someone who can't eat in front of other people. I don't want anyone to know how broken I am. Is it wrong? I don't know. I will keep my wounds to myself. I don't want anyone's pity.

***

The excuse is ridiculous. It makes him laugh. He hasn't forgotten about her house and the layers of dust. He will never forget about that c.o.c.kroach either. Can he forget about empty ramen containers from a street store? Her house was a dumpster. Besides, who will poison her?

He resists the urge to point it out when he sees the flicker of vulnerability and worry in her eyes. It's quickly replaced with anger and fake pride. He stares at her for a long time.

Not eating food with them at their house, seducing and pretending to love him at the office when he asked her to eat lunch with him, suddenly throwing up like that at the hotel when he fed her, distracting them with the gaming competition at the hospital, not eating at the Ozaki old couple's house.

Is it that she doesn't like eating in front of other people or is it that she can't eat in front of other people?

She turns her back to him and clenches her small hands. Her hair is rolled into a bun. She is walking fast ahead of him, trying to hide her trembles beneath her oversized hoodie.

"Kamiyama, we should hurry. We can't miss the train."

***

Did he guess it? Why did he look at me like that? I am afraid of turning around and see him. But, he won't stay quiet if he finds out, right? I don't want anyone to know. He isn't that smart. He won't figure it out.

What will happen if he finds out my weakness? I don't know what he will do. Will he laugh at me for being like this? Because I am still affected by something that happened years ago? Because I am weak? I am afraid. I don't want anyone to look down at me. I don't want to show them my weaknesses. Will he use my weakness against me?

I keep walking ahead of him, afraid that he will read my mind if I turn around. He hasn't said any word either. At the station, I avoid looking at him. The train finally arrives to take us back to the city.

In the train, I pretend to sleep. He isn't looking at me. He is looking out of the window, deep in thought. If this horrible person finds out, he will definitely use it to torture me. I don't want to go through it again.