73 Both of you deserve each other

my heart is heavy.

i see kamiyama sitting beside me. he is holding my hand. there are dark circles around his eyes. i jerk his hand away.

he opens his eyes and stares at me for a long time.

"you remember everything."

i remember everything.

i look down at my belly. it's flat. how do i mourn for my child that i lost two years ago? i didn't even know about my child's existence.

"was it a boy?" i ask him quietly.

he purses his lips. his eyes are full of storms. i might have hidden behind my amnesia. but, he had to endure it alone. "yes."

"i see."

he wipes the tears on my cheek. "forgive me."

for what? i want to ask him.

"for not being able to protect you," he tells me with a defeated voice. is he the same kamiyama who came to my house that day? "for hurting you so much."

i don't know what to say. i remember every moment. i can't deny it under his honest gaze. this man is in love with me. when i saw chisa, i was so afraid that i ran away. i misunderstood his intentions. when he tried to take me back by force, i was scared beyond words.

if chisa didn't reappear in my life, our child might have been alive now.

even if she appeared, why did i react like that? if i was stronger, i could have fought back the fear. if i didn't lose my mind, i could have gone somewhere far away and raised my child by myself.

it's also my fault. i wasn't strong enough.

"do you know?" i smile at him. "when elephants are small, their feet are tied by the chain. they can't break it no matter what they do. they grow up believing that they can never break the chain. that's my story. i hid inside the four walls of my house to protect myself. later, i hid inside the four walls of my heart desperately. you broke them all. i am thankful that you broke them. it was painful, but i am still alive. that's why i don't hate you."

he comes closer and hugs me tightly. his voice is pained. "i am sorry."

i don't love this man. i can't love anyone. despite knowing that, i don't push him away.

"back then, i told you that you can't love me."

he kisses my hair. "you can't stop me from loving you."

he smiles at me warmly. there is a change in his attitude. he is not the same kamiyama. i am not the same person either.

love is not on my to-do list. there is someone who owes me a lot. i am going to destroy her until she begs me the same way i begged her.

chisa.

my old friend, you owe me a lot.

***

kiyohira sees the darkness in her eyes. there's no fear. just cold darkness. she must have remembered who that person was.

when she saw chisa for the first time, she went to her room and lost consciousness.

when she saw her again, she went into a shock.

"was it chisa?" he asks her with a somber voice.

"who is chisa??" she looks at him. "i don't remember the person who kidnapped me."

she's lying. "who bullied you when you were in school?"

"miwako." she replies with a straight face, "i heard that she is already dead. it serves her right."

"there was one more person." he leans closer. why is she lying? "don't be afraid and tell me. she can't hurt you now. i will make sure that she pays for what she did to you and our child."

"what does it got to do with you?" she laughs and shakes her head. "i get it that you love me and all. but, i don't love you. it's not my problem that you love me. before i lost my memories, we didn't have a good relationship. and the kidnapper? i have enemies in the gaming world. i have offended many people. after i revealed my identity in the gaming world, anyone could have plotted and taken revenge."

kiyohira takes a deep breath. "why are you protecting that person? at first, i wasn't sure. now, i know that it's her. why do you lie to me now?"

her temper flares up. she grabs him by his collar. "lying? you are the one who is engaged to her. do you want to frame her for my kidnapping and use it as an excuse to break up with her? don't dare to use me. besides, where is the evidence that it's her? when i, the victim, is saying that she's not the culprit, then why do you insist that she is? i don't even know that person."

she's back to how she was before she lost her memories.

he doesn't have any evidence. he's closer.

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but, she is saying that it's not chisa.

this woman has a habit of lying.

does she want to take revenge by herself?

hmm...

"i believe you." he pretends to believe her lies. "you are right. i wanted to use an excuse to break the engagement. would you help me?"

she frowns deeply. "why would i help you? we are not on good terms."

"you see, breaking an engagement after two years will put shame to her face." since this woman wants to take revenge alone, he won't disturb her plans. the grudge between her and chisa is deep. chisa will pay for her sins. how she will pay it? he will let rie decide. "she's from a good family. she's highly educated. her background matches my family's need. my grandmother is quite satisfied with her. she also waited for two years to marry me. i don't have any good reason to reject her."

"then, don't reject her," she snaps at him. "both of you deserve each other."

"ah, but i love you." his heart is delighted when he notices her eyes change a little. she doesn't love him? it's true. but, she can't deny that there's nothing. "though it will put shame to her and her family might become enemy, the position for my wife is only reserved for you."