224 Diary of Christopher Ash - Part 1

sitting on a chair with a frown, mira flips the pages of the diary with disinterest. she has read the first half of the diary. it's a boring tale of a boy who is always complaining about his father's moodiness and his younger sister's attention-seeking tactics. in some entries, the boy wrote about his annoying classmates and how everything was meaningless because he had something important to do.

she guesses that the younger sister is her mother, ayaka kirishima. she can't understand why her father wants her to read this. what will she find out in these pages? will she finally get the answers? why her mother is strange? she sighs and resumes reading from the page where she stopped.

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[diary of christopher ash]

september 19th 200x

today is a special day. it's mother's death anniversary.

it's a good day to reminisce the past.

on my 11th birthday, my mother decided to take me on a trip with her. before that day, she never took anyone with her. even father wasn't allowed to come. i know that father hated it, but he would never utter his complaints to her because he sees her as a goddess who could bring peace to his mutilated heart. after he lost his ability to play music in an accident three years ago, he always looked at the violin with pain and longing. mother would always play the violin for him and he would close his eyes to find peace in the music that he could no longer play.

ayaka was left behind with father. i didn't want to leave her with my father who is always drunk, but mother wouldn't let her come. that day, i saw the hate in ayaka's eyes. i felt a little guilty for having my parents' favours. however, the guilt didn't last long in my mind. mother told me that i didn't have to feel guilty for something that i deserved because i would be paying a greater price.

i used to think that my mother was an angel until i saw her smiling in contempt when father was sobbing in misery. at first, i thought that it was a mistake. then, i started to see more. nobody had noticed this except me and her. not even ayaka. my sister is too naive.

my mother's angelic facade was hiding her demonic heart. only a demon can give birth to another demon. sometimes, i wonder how ayaka turned out to be so normal.

after mother's death, she seeks love and attention from a wretched drunkard like a whiny child, but she refuses me all the time. it can't be helped. she doesn't understand that nothing in the world is free. even if i am our father's favourite now, i also have a bigger burden. only i can protect her. i am waiting for her to become sensible. i heard that girls grow faster than boys. hopefully, she will grow up before my patience runs out.

we went to e country for the trip. she had a concerto there. mother didn't speak much during the flight. i wondered why i had to come. would she allow me to play with her during the concerto? i still find it funny. i was a little naive back then. if i was not expecting so much, i wouldn't be shocked when we arrived at the airport.

it's been five years since then, it's still a vivid memory. i don't think that i can ever forget how a short woman ran toward my mother and kissed her right on the lips. it wasn't the pecks that mother gave ayaka and me when she was in a good mood. it was a hungry kiss that lasted for ten minutes. i gaped at them, trying to understand why some strange woman would kiss my mother and why my mother wouldn't push her away.

the woman was my dead mother's manager. her name was christie kang. at first glance, she wasn't anything special. perhaps, it was because my mother was outshining.

christie kang was five foot six inches tall. she had long dark hair and wide-set dark eyes. she wore a simple blue sundress and a red lipstick that left a few marks on my mother's face. she was wearing white sneakers that day.

the lovers held hands. christie smiled at my mother with tears in her eyes. my mother looked at her endearingly before she hugged her. i had no words. my mother was cheating on my father with another woman?

"is he…?" christie blinked her eyes at me. the shock in her eyes was quite real. i was also shocked at the turn of events.

"he's our son, christopher," my mother said to her mistress with a cooing voice. she looks at me and added, "christopher ash."

for the first 11 years of my life, i thought that i was kirishima heiji. that was all a lie created by my mother. my father and ayaka had no idea.

"you named him after me?" christie's voice croaked. she covered her mouth as her cheeks became soaked with her tears. i didn't bother analyzing her emotions. i was too busy trying to understand mine.

"yes, christie." mother replied to her, but her gaze was fixed on me. i felt that my feet were turning into stone. cold sweat trickled down my spine. she was watching me like a predator, warning me. i had never seen her like this. i gulped down. i didn't understand what she didn't want me to do. my mind was gripped by fear. still, i tried to hold it. i didn't push away the woman when she hugged me. christie pecked my cheeks and forehead. i didn't say a word.

"adrian will be happy to meet his brother." christie told me as she patted my shoulders, "you look just like her."

i knew what she meant. ayaka and i inherited my mother's look, though ayaka's hair is a little darker with a reddish tint in her hair.

"did adrian miss me while i was gone?" my mother asked her mistress with an amused voice.

"he did." christie took the handle of the suitcase. "he has been asking about you. why did you take so long? you are going to have a busy month."

"naoki always ask me to play." my mother clicked her tongue in annoyance. "ayaka is always chasing me around to get my attention. they act like they can't breathe without me."

when i heard no reply, i looked at christie. she seemed dejected and hurt. i was too young to understand her expressions back then. i didn't know what it felt like to hear your lover talk about another lover.

mother held her hand and squeezed it. "the one i love is you."

that wasn't a lie.

__read the author's note__