1892 Who I Really Love

When she heard this, Ning Xi's expressionless face finally shifted.

She almost thought she had heard him wrongly.

Start... over?

She could not understand this man's thought process.

After so many things had happened, and after he had already been married to Ning Xueluo for a year, how did he actually bring himself to say such a thing to her?

The girl's gaze of contempt made the bottom of Su Yan's heart tremble.

The man's voice was hoarse as he said, "Xiao Xi, I know me saying this sounds ridiculous and absurd to you..."

"Is it not?"

"Listen..."

Su Yan took a deep breath. "I've thought about it for a very, very long time... I'm not saying this on impulse... I really... really regretted... and finally understood... who I really like... really love is..."

Ning Xi looked at this man whom she had entrusted her deepest affections in her youth, this man who had once caused her heartbreak and much grief...

Listening to him finally tell her that he regretted it.

Listening to him say that the person he really loved was her.

She did not feel anything at all.

If she did, it was just a through and through coldness.

"Xiao Xi, about that incident back then, I was wrong. It was I who abandoned what we had first... but at the start, I really never thought of breaking up with you... until I met Xueluo...

"Xueluo is so pure and vulnerable, and she suddenly got involved in that sort of unforeseen incident. After that, she constantly chatted and grumbled to me. Slowly, I just... I didn't know when it started... then the feelings just started to change..." Su Yan's expression was filled with anguish as he looked upset.

Ning Xi's thoughts were calm.

Yeah, it was all her fault. She did not have Ning Xueluo's skills. Ning Xueluo knew how to get sympathy, knew how to complain tearfully, knew how to satisfy his desire as a man to protect.

She was wrong for always telling him only the good things, and not the bad things. She had been afraid that he would be worried for her. She was wrong for never telling him a word even as she was repeatedly embarassed, shunned, and isolated...

"After that, under impulse, I did it with Xueluo. It was Xueluo's first time... I'm a man... I can't be irresponsible towards her... I've been hiding it from you... It's because I really didn't know how to face you..."

Huh, responsible? When he wanted to be responsible for a third party, had he ever thought about her, his girlfriend then?

Ning Xueluo's experience was regarded as a precious first time, while she was an impure person who had unfathomably lost her virginity and was even pregnant with an illegitimate child. How could she measure up to the noble Master Su?

"Actually, I've always wanted to help you. I wanted to make it up to you... but you're just too tough..."

Su Yan fixed his gaze on the girl before him. "You disappeared for a whole year, and I've missed you for a whole year too until you appeared once again..."

After a momentary silence, Su Yan took a deep breath and continued, "Xiao Xi, I've already lied to myself for too long... I don't want to continue deceiving others and myself! I don't want to just live my life in a lie!"

Ning Xi's lips curved up into a sneer. "So?"